What has become of me?
I don't really feel the need to give constant updates on my life, because, when compared to people who get their autobiographies published, my life is not all that interesting. Well, it's certainly not the turbulent. Speaking of turbulent, there's a new brand of turbulence on airlines. It's called Motherfuckin' Snakes. I anticipated seeing this movie more than any other movie I've ever heard of, and just like Christmas, it didn't live up to my expectations. Somehow, the movie seemed fake. It was a fake of a fake. You know, like you were expecting it to be camp and poorly presented, but it presented the poor presentation badly. Like, when Keenan (where was Kel? "Oh, here it goes!" would have been appropriate on numerous occasions) is flying the plane at the end, I thought "There is no way they're going to pull the 'he got all his experience from videogames' thing because that would be exactly what would take away from the movie at this point, please let him say anything else." Way to fuck up, Keenan.
Snakes is one of those movies that is more fun to talk about than see. We think Snakes + Sam Jackson = Evil Dead at first, and it's fun to talk about all those "motherfucking snakes" and laugh about the impossible situation of having to avoid all those motherfucking snakes while on a motherfucking plane. By the time Sam Jackson voices our sentiments (and you know what they are), you will already have had it with the snakes, or at least the lack of Sam Jackson kicking ass. Why were there no one-on-ones with huge angry snakes, and why did Sam Jackson never stick his gun down a snake's throat before sending it to snake heaven (where I assume there are all the planes a snake could ever wish to be on)?
The movie was pretty damn unrelenting. After all, in most movies that have people's genitals being cut off or mutilated in some way, there is usually only one such scene because it is assumed that that is all the audience can take. But Snakes sticks its dirty finger in the stew of conventional moviemaking and gives us two consecutive snakes-biting-genitals scenes in a row.
I'm not saying you shouldn't see Snakes; you should. It's fun, gross, and snakes.
2 out of 5
Snakes is one of those movies that is more fun to talk about than see. We think Snakes + Sam Jackson = Evil Dead at first, and it's fun to talk about all those "motherfucking snakes" and laugh about the impossible situation of having to avoid all those motherfucking snakes while on a motherfucking plane. By the time Sam Jackson voices our sentiments (and you know what they are), you will already have had it with the snakes, or at least the lack of Sam Jackson kicking ass. Why were there no one-on-ones with huge angry snakes, and why did Sam Jackson never stick his gun down a snake's throat before sending it to snake heaven (where I assume there are all the planes a snake could ever wish to be on)?
The movie was pretty damn unrelenting. After all, in most movies that have people's genitals being cut off or mutilated in some way, there is usually only one such scene because it is assumed that that is all the audience can take. But Snakes sticks its dirty finger in the stew of conventional moviemaking and gives us two consecutive snakes-biting-genitals scenes in a row.
I'm not saying you shouldn't see Snakes; you should. It's fun, gross, and snakes.
2 out of 5