long time
i know its been a while, i've been pretty busy. But the reason why I'm writing is because something stopped me in my tracks, created a rift in my time, made me trip on my normal routine, as Gordon Matta Clark would put it, made me stop and tie my shoes,in that uncomfortable space.
This guy, in my studio, died on friday. I didnt know him too well, we always said hi to each other, and occasionally, when i was working in the printroom, or when we randomly met in the model shop, we would talk, he would give me advice or tips and we'd chit chat a little bit, i always looked up to him bc he was very smart. He is/was a 3rd yr grad student. for some reason i've broken out into uncontrollable tears, and I can't stop.
Its not like i was good friends w/him or anything close, I've tried ot make my self stop crying, I can't figure out why i'm so sad. I htink i have more of a fear that when i go to the wake tommorow, i'll start crying like i did during my aunt's funeral, someone I've known and seen, dead. for some reason it doesnt make sense in my head why they're dead. I mean what does "dying of natural causes" really mean. How do you die of old age? does you heart stop thumping? and why does it? maybe i'm acting like a child about all this with it not making sense. I've been toplenty of funerals, hell, i helped do my aunts make up in the funeral home before we the wake, but when i had to go up to them and look at them, I wonder, why wont they wake up? what's wrong with them?
fuck, it makes me so angry because i can't figure it out, and when i do, it doesn't make sense to me. I suppose he is being reborn somehow somewhere into somehting.
This guy, in my studio, died on friday. I didnt know him too well, we always said hi to each other, and occasionally, when i was working in the printroom, or when we randomly met in the model shop, we would talk, he would give me advice or tips and we'd chit chat a little bit, i always looked up to him bc he was very smart. He is/was a 3rd yr grad student. for some reason i've broken out into uncontrollable tears, and I can't stop.
Its not like i was good friends w/him or anything close, I've tried ot make my self stop crying, I can't figure out why i'm so sad. I htink i have more of a fear that when i go to the wake tommorow, i'll start crying like i did during my aunt's funeral, someone I've known and seen, dead. for some reason it doesnt make sense in my head why they're dead. I mean what does "dying of natural causes" really mean. How do you die of old age? does you heart stop thumping? and why does it? maybe i'm acting like a child about all this with it not making sense. I've been toplenty of funerals, hell, i helped do my aunts make up in the funeral home before we the wake, but when i had to go up to them and look at them, I wonder, why wont they wake up? what's wrong with them?
fuck, it makes me so angry because i can't figure it out, and when i do, it doesn't make sense to me. I suppose he is being reborn somehow somewhere into somehting.