Lurking on Russian HP forum
I have recently visited one Russian HP forum, recommended by a member of not-HP community as a good place for discussions. There I have found a few original theories, which I haven't met in English fandom before & lots of comic relief. For your pleasure I present:
Note: my comments are green. All other text is translated & obviously not my.
The seventh book optimistic predictions:
* My heart feels, there us all awaits SUCH shock therapy that Azkaban will seem Cote d'-Azur, and Dolores Ambridge- the epitome of goodness and gentleness…
* From all appearances there is nothing else for Snape to do but to fire in the seventh book in such way that the whole series will have to be retrospectively viewed as "Severus Snape and the annoying snotters".
* Some people on Mugglenet suppose that the Horcruxes should be thrown at the Veil, through which Sirius have fallen…
- (another poster) Poor Sirius. Not only had he to be killed; now he has to be thrown garbage at too.
* The alternative seventh book ending (because this one sure is untrue):
Harry will turn out to be the last Horcrux. Remember the prophecy?
“…and Dark Lord himself will mark him AS EQUAL…” Precisely this lets explain why Harry, not being the Slytherin heir, inherited Voldemort's abilities- firstly the Parseltongue. That's why to dispatch V HP has to be killed. In short,
“neither can live while the other survives”…
[Until this moment this theory seems pretty standard, but here comes the first unexpected (at least for me) twist:]
In other words, if Harry kills V & remains the only living carrier of the piece of V's soul, - Harry himself will turn into the new V (some fans mused on the topic how it can happen: Harry's eyes will suddenly burst into red flames, the face features will drop into and become snakelike, from his chest will break evil triumphant laugh).Yikes!
[This is a wonderful description, up to horror movies filmmaker's standards, imo. If Rowling would read this on that Russian forum, she would have had nightmares. Imagine the horror to see St. Lily's Slytherin green eyes bursting into Gryffindor red flames!]
That's why, probably, in the end of the seventh book, after discovering the horrible truth Harry will try to commit or will successfully commit a suicide (and does a special Suicida-Kedavra exist in that case?).
[This will never happen for a simple reason- JKR would be sued and accused guilty for every suicide in US & overseas, since HP is popular all over the world. Despite all her popularity & money I am not sure whether this publishing house would risk publishing a book with Harry's suicidal tendencies. Btw, notice that Harry is so special - the simple good old Avada-Kedavra won't be enough to do the job properly.]
But, wait! The second twist is near:
Or even scarier: Harry will turn into V, and to stop the new Dark Lord Neville will be needed. Neville will quietly, desperately give a sob "Sorry, Harry!" - and will raise a wand: - "Avada-Kedavra!". Harry will fall on the earth, turning a second before his death into the old, real HP, will say goodbye to his weeping friends and forever leave this world… That's how this horrible prophecy will come true.
[Specially liked the effects of the killing curse (properly saying goodbye and all). Did Harry say goodbye to Neville too?) & Neville's sob while V was supposedly standing quietly, doing nothing. ]
Another poster reacts:
* Only without the Suicida-Kedavra, of course.[Agreed! Avada-Kedavra should be enough.] I mean, Harry is fool enough to go soaping the rope, assuming himself to be the tenth of "Ten Little Indians" by Agatha Christie.[Hee!]
But it seems to me the series will end the same as it began: love will triumph over death.
And consequently, wait in the end for Ginny's arrival smelling of camomiles, cornflowers and other fleur de la court. Be calm, she will give her destined such "Dementor Kiss", which will suck V's soul like snake poison. Well and afterwards, clearly, she will knock the Dark Lord senseless with a well-aimed deadly Bet-Bogey Hex.
[The best thing is that the author doesn't seem to be sarcastic here, it comes naturally! Love the idea of Ginny's kiss being deadlier than Dementors, V & snakes combined.]
In short, the seventh book should be sodden with love more than Romilda Vain's chocolates. I will not be surprised if London turf accountants already accept bets, which sweet couple will first commit the Act-Which-We-Don't-Name. Personally I would bet on Hagrid & M. Maxime, but it isn't important. The important thing is the approaching culmination.
[Right! So this poster does understand that Rowling doesn't write a trash romance novel in the end. Thank God. Oh, wait…¬↓]
The talk, of course, isn't about V, Horcruxes and other trifles, but about Ron & Hermione. Here is where the plot is developing slowly [The mills of God grind slowly for R/H shippers, can't help agreeing here. 6 books & I bet they will bicker in the seventh too!], savory [I can't disagree again, would gladly eat this subplot alive myself… in my werewolf form], with skill [like Jane Austen herself, I am sure!].
* Found that funny/interesting:
> And we correctly guessed the Prince's identity. We weren't even confused by Lupin's suggestion that the imprint date would help solving the riddle. Nonsense! The imprint date isn't the best clue. We, for example, use English-Russian dictionary, which (like Prince's book) is 50 years old, but it doesn't mean that we are that old too.
[Hee.]
> Rowling, in general, seemingly writes first, but doesn't think even later. That's why Snape is the only real candidate to be RAB, but clearly isn't him.
[There is a long post, proving this theory there. The first rule of the Potterverse: Snape is always involved.]
> A couple of questions for fantasizing with my answers:
1. What did D really see in the mirror of desire?
Himself, surrounded by DA army his favorite students. Everybody is healthy & well, and even Tom Riddle hasn't become V.
2.What would D's boggat be?
Don't know how it will look like, but imo he fears most to have to make a difficult choice, when he will have to choose whom to save, say Harry, or any another student.
[A difficult choice indeed: Harry versus some not important faceless person. A bit like Draco versus Ron & Katie. Or not?]
> Why did D trust Snape? I advise 3 ways to solve this problem:
a) ask D's portrait- if, of course, they will succeed in distracting him from giving orders to McGonagall ("I am going insane, Albus: again the place of the Professor of Know-Yourself-Which subject is free!" - Minerva, may be, ask Prof. Binns- he wouldn't already care.);
b) catch Snape & torture until he tells the truth (only before that to reserve a place in St. Mungo's- for himself, not for Snape);
c) steal a Pensieve and watch themselves.
* Tried to translate this poem with mediocre success:
From childhood to be an animagus I am prone.
I can turn into an owl.
Everybody who meets - immediately catches:
"Quickly, deliver the message!"
This is how I am troubled. That's way I am preyed upon…
*One of the rare theory germs (in a good sense, of course):
The necklace Horcrux was taken by Regulus & hidden in his house, which now belongs to Harry (which should make the search easier). The only place in that house, which wasn't cleaned in OoTF from the Dark Magic- is…
Yes. The hysterical portrait of Sirius' mother ("Half-breeds, mutants, freaks, begone from this place!"). Remember- to take this portrait from the wall or even move it a bit was impossible despite the efforts of several strong wizards? I am afraid the reason wasn't Permanent Sticking Charm, but the super-strong spells, put by Regulus specially to hide the Horcrux & make it unapproachable for everybody (particularly for V).