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The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
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[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Ellie is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Dentist Boston. So everyone, please put your hands together for Ellie!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Ellie you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
You: James.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well James, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Ellie, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Louise!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a Cheese Volcano of DOOM. Louise reaches for the Computer. Out of the shadows Wil appears]
Wil: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Louise.
Louise: Because I saw Ellie and Wil making out at Asda!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Wil: That's a lie! I was home watching Rome!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Louise?
Louise: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Dentist Boston who has recently become engaged to Wil.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Dentist Boston out here because Ellie had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... James that's right!
Dentist Boston: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with James! You know how I feel about James!
Wil: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with James!
Dentist Boston: Because I knew that I could never have James. But Ellie promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Wil: What about respect for my feelings!
[Louise walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Dentist Boston]
Louise: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Wil: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Wil runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Wil: Ellie take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Wil: Married?
[You nod]
Wil: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to James.
Dentist Boston: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
James: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 18 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Ellie is married to James who Dentist Boston has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Dentist Boston has recently become engaged to Wil who was recently spotted kissing Ellie in Asda. Now on top of this, Louise has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Dentist Boston.
James: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
*dies of laughter*
From here
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Ellie is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Dentist Boston. So everyone, please put your hands together for Ellie!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Ellie you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
You: James.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well James, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Ellie, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Louise!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a Cheese Volcano of DOOM. Louise reaches for the Computer. Out of the shadows Wil appears]
Wil: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Louise.
Louise: Because I saw Ellie and Wil making out at Asda!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Wil: That's a lie! I was home watching Rome!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Louise?
Louise: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Dentist Boston who has recently become engaged to Wil.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Dentist Boston out here because Ellie had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... James that's right!
Dentist Boston: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with James! You know how I feel about James!
Wil: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with James!
Dentist Boston: Because I knew that I could never have James. But Ellie promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Wil: What about respect for my feelings!
[Louise walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Dentist Boston]
Louise: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Wil: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Wil runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Wil: Ellie take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Wil: Married?
[You nod]
Wil: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to James.
Dentist Boston: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
James: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 18 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Ellie is married to James who Dentist Boston has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Dentist Boston has recently become engaged to Wil who was recently spotted kissing Ellie in Asda. Now on top of this, Louise has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Dentist Boston.
James: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
*dies of laughter*
From here