Post-o-rama #2: On Writing
Continuing the thread of my previous two posts, in writing Fearless and before I published it, I went back and re-read all of the previous chapters of my arc, which was interesting. On the one hand, I actually enjoy reading my own story, which is cool. On the other hand, OMG. I just about died, especially reading Sleepless, which I originally posted almost five years ago. Somehow, in the year and a half between March 2005 and August 2006, my writing improved ... dramatically (in my opinion of course.) Which is interesting, because I wasn't making a specific effort to improve (although one always hopes) ... I was just writing.
I wrote my first story ever in May 2004. In the five years since, I've written a total of 15 stories and 109,140 words. (I know this is laughably little compared to most of the lj authors out there, but that is not the immediate point here ...) Of those, I wrote 9 of them and a total of 80,492 words in the year and a half between March 2005 and August 2006. And I got better. A LOT better, just by writing.
Now, I'm not actually striving to become a published author (at the moment anyway, aside from the fact that of course it would be a huge ego boost and all.) I actually really like my job and I make a fair amount of money at what I do, which is important to me. I'm also profoundly ambivalent about the business of writing, and when I read what real writers have said about writing, I don't recognize anything of myself.
I definitely don't write for the reader response -- even though anyone reading this probably knows I'm a total and complete whore for comments. Comment on one of my stories and I'll do just about anything for you. ;) But I would long since have abandoned the effort if that was my primary motivation, because ... well, I don't get that many comments. Again, relatively speaking, which just makes me appreciate those of you who do read what I write and comment all the more. It's tremendously encouraging. :) (... and I do sometimes write for specific people. :)
I write because I get a story or a character stuck in my brain and I can't get past it unless I write it down. (I'm channelling Legolas these days, just in case that's not obvious. :) I used to think I didn't have any ideas. Now, I know that ideas will come ... if you let them. In one of my favorite quotes ever, Annie Dillard says, "One of the few things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place.... Something more will arise for later, something better." This has been exactly my experience, as has the opposite: that is, if I have an idea that I don't do anything with, or am not able to, for one of many reasons, I become blocked up and my ideas stop. But if I write it down, if I go somewhere with the idea, even if it's totally silly (I mean ...Three's a Crowd and An Unlikely Elf ... ROFL), then I get another idea, and another. I have an insane backlog at the moment and I only hope I can realize some of them.
Fascinating.
So I debated whether to edit my stories or not, because I found it really interesting -- to me anyway and I imagine only to me -- to re-read them "as is" and see them as points along a journey. Because it means that -- if I write more -- I'll continue to get better. (To quote Gandalf, "and that is an encouraging thought." :D) COOLNESS! The evidence is right in front of me. :D
But then, I also suspected that if I posted a new chapter of "In Dreams" (for lack of a better overall title at the moment; I've been really obsessed with sleep for ... oh, the last eight years), people might also go back to read the previous chapters (as has turned out to be the case), and I really want this story to be the absolute best it can be.
So I re-edited all of the previous chapters. OMG, again! My sex scenes were downright embarrassing. I used "the ranger" and "the Elf" all over the place, which is now totally one of my pet peeves. I'm tempted to edit all of the rest of my stories too (and get rid of all instances of "the older man", "the younger man", "the Brit", "the American", "the blond", "the brunette" ...) Among other things, I re-read Shoot, my first story ever, and was utterly embarrassed for myself. But ... you have to start somewhere, right? Much better than to have never attempted the journey. :)
Thank you so, SO much to those of you who have been with me along the way. It means more than I can say.
♥