Mar 14, 2005 07:16
Yea so i've been incredibly stressed lately. I don't have a car, which i've mentioned. Well actually i DO have a car i just can't drive it. Now my Mother and Stepfather were the ones who convinced me to get this car in the first place. Brian and i wanted to look around. But they insisted it was a really great deal and it was a little broken but my stepfather could fix it for me so i'd only have to pay for the parts. I remember when i told my mother i wanted to check it out first my whole family seemed to go off on me about how could i not trust my stepfather? and i was never going to find a better deal so fine! we agreed to buy this car because we did need a car right away. We figured hey at least we'll have that done, but no, we don't. It's been like two weeks now since we actually bought the car. I've insured and registered it already and everything. Now we're waiting. Now i have to be completely dependent on everyone around me. My father keeps giving Brian and I rides to work and he's complaining that we're still in his home and he says he's feeling used. Everyday i have to be in chester at 7am becuase it's the only time i can get a ride and then i sit here until 9:30am when work starts. I've been waiting in my bosses other place of work where i feel very in the way. Everyday i have to move from this room to that room as to not be in the way because they need to use these rooms. Everyday my boss asks me how the car is coming along and i feel guilty and stupid, and everyday my father asks me how things are coming along and all i can say is it's not ready. Everyday Brian asks me what is taking so long and i don't know! So i call my mother to ask how it's coming and she gets bothered by me. She goes on and on about how hard my stepfather is working for me and how he's out there working until midnight everyday and her and my little brother never see him anymore and i'm so lucky that he is doing this for me because it would cost me so much if i were to go somewhere to get it done and this should really be my birthday present from them because its worth so much. Sigh. OK i dont mind if it's my birthday present. Brian and i Have spent $1000 so far on this car, $700 in parts, we still can't use it. Now i don't want to sound ungrateful but we would have never gotten this car if we thought it would take so long. we would have gladly spent more to get a car right away. We spent $100 extra on insurance alone just to get it 11 days sooner. We just need a way to work and to buy food and cash paychecks! I REALLY really appreicate what everyone is doing for us but i feel trapped! I'm caught between everything. my boyfriend and father and boss on one side getting fed up and my mother and stepfather telling me how i can't expect this to be done in a day they are doing so much for me. and then me, i'm going crazy. This is why i have to be out on my own. I wanted to get a car on my own to begin with, thats why we saved all that money. But now i'm in the same place i always am. at my families debt feeling like a child, helpless, my life is out of my hands and i can't stand that. I know my family is trying to help. But i can't take it. It's very nice of them but i really wish i could move miles and miles away where i could make my own choices in life, do things on my own, be independent. I hate having everyone watch over every little thing i do and then complain because it's not what they want me to. I wish i could move away, at least for a year away from them and i don't know i just hate feeling like a trapped child around here.