i think i'm capsizing, all the ways i'm RIIISING
mmm i had a yummy dinner with ben, ben's mom, and ian at *stickers* (this cute little asian/indian/general eastern food place in eastmoreland) and then dessert at PAPA HAYDENS. mmm...except yea, my dessert was a bit too extreme for me. the bright side of that is that i am on a chocolate high right now and so i feel a little more human/less sleep deprived than before. tres bien.
so i think this may officially be the worst paper i have ever written, but good (?) news kids, I DON'T CARE. i just want to get to the 15 pages (even a word on the 15th page would be dandy), make sure there aren't any blaring grammatically errors, turn this sucker in, and then (this is where it gets good) NEVER EVER EVER TAKE A HISTORY/CLASSICS CLASS AGAIN EVER. unfortunately, i'm on the cusp of the 8th/9th page mark...so, um, even though i'm out of stuff to say i need to find 6 page padding somewhere. also, this thing is so bad that i am afraid to read it over again.
it's really frustrating...i don't know why this happens, but it ALWAYS does...whenever i sit down to write a paper, i have all these little sexy-sounding fragments of arguments floating around in my head, and i get all excited because they're always eloquent and intelligent sounding. and i have this big abstract vision of the perfect and awe-inspiring THESIS that sits on a little golden throne in my imagination, but it's just a little bit out of my reach. and then i kinda get closer to it, and actually start writing the damn thing, and the closer i get to THESIS all of the little brilliant ideas and phrases i had just *POOF* disappear completely! i know this stuff is in there somewhere, but it's like my smartness gets intimidated by the blank paper and runs off to hide. except when i wrote a paper on hitchcock for my postmodernism class, or just write film papers in general, this always happens to me and kinda pisses me off. maybe it's just because i am a compulsive procrastinator and never give myself enough time to sit and devise a coherent argument which i can beautify before i have to turn it in. i was reminded of this because i'm sitting across from a boy who looks so emotionally involved in whatever he's writing. he scrunches up his face a lot and looks really excited and absorbed in his laptop, kinda fidgety and nervous and mumbling silently the words that he types. like an athlete who encounters an obstacle and then just plows right through it, and gets such satisfaction when he does. it's really endearing and makes me kind of jealous. although he's sipping voraciously on coffee from the stim table, so maybe it's just the caffeine.
also, i keep accidentally kicking him under the table because i think he's the table leg. whoops.
okay maybe i can make another page of bs, using him as inspiration. i feel kinda weird talking so much about somebody that i don't really properly know, who i know has a livejournal. so sketchy. okay, here i go.
so i think this may officially be the worst paper i have ever written, but good (?) news kids, I DON'T CARE. i just want to get to the 15 pages (even a word on the 15th page would be dandy), make sure there aren't any blaring grammatically errors, turn this sucker in, and then (this is where it gets good) NEVER EVER EVER TAKE A HISTORY/CLASSICS CLASS AGAIN EVER. unfortunately, i'm on the cusp of the 8th/9th page mark...so, um, even though i'm out of stuff to say i need to find 6 page padding somewhere. also, this thing is so bad that i am afraid to read it over again.
it's really frustrating...i don't know why this happens, but it ALWAYS does...whenever i sit down to write a paper, i have all these little sexy-sounding fragments of arguments floating around in my head, and i get all excited because they're always eloquent and intelligent sounding. and i have this big abstract vision of the perfect and awe-inspiring THESIS that sits on a little golden throne in my imagination, but it's just a little bit out of my reach. and then i kinda get closer to it, and actually start writing the damn thing, and the closer i get to THESIS all of the little brilliant ideas and phrases i had just *POOF* disappear completely! i know this stuff is in there somewhere, but it's like my smartness gets intimidated by the blank paper and runs off to hide. except when i wrote a paper on hitchcock for my postmodernism class, or just write film papers in general, this always happens to me and kinda pisses me off. maybe it's just because i am a compulsive procrastinator and never give myself enough time to sit and devise a coherent argument which i can beautify before i have to turn it in. i was reminded of this because i'm sitting across from a boy who looks so emotionally involved in whatever he's writing. he scrunches up his face a lot and looks really excited and absorbed in his laptop, kinda fidgety and nervous and mumbling silently the words that he types. like an athlete who encounters an obstacle and then just plows right through it, and gets such satisfaction when he does. it's really endearing and makes me kind of jealous. although he's sipping voraciously on coffee from the stim table, so maybe it's just the caffeine.
also, i keep accidentally kicking him under the table because i think he's the table leg. whoops.
okay maybe i can make another page of bs, using him as inspiration. i feel kinda weird talking so much about somebody that i don't really properly know, who i know has a livejournal. so sketchy. okay, here i go.