imy
So i'm back here once again. Love how writing never fails to make my burden seem lighter, how after each post it seems as though a rope stretching across my entire being has been removed. Call me crazy, but writing is to me, truely therapeutic. Thank God for this exceptional ability to release my emotions/feelings/wants through words, really, seeing that my less than credible crutch in expressing myself in reality/verbally is highly disturbing. My inability to convey what I truely want to say is probably the main reason that sparks each post, seeing that its frustrating each time my lungs seem to cry LET IT ALL OUT in a single breath, a complete opposite demeanour is protrayed.
Sometimes I wonder how much easier life would be if I could just say out whatever i want whenever i want with whoever I'm with. But upon further reflection I realised that this is probably one of the most special things I inherit, to keep mum about the obstacles life presents. True, it is extremely agitating at times to know I can never convey what I feel. But like all situations in life, the tables can be turned. The fact that I know everything that everyone doesn't know, for one, gives me a childish sense of power in controlling things.
The main reason why I write this time round, is because my mind/heart has been in constant turmoil these few days. Its as if the more i try and forget, the harder memories with you in the snippets of my life hit me. In everything that happens, you resurface yet again in my mind, alive and vivid. Sometimes so much that my heart literally starts pounding quicker than average. I always believed that I was one to forget and let go easily. But i guess this time round, I have been proved wrong. It has been more than challenging trying to push back thoughts of you, especially these past few days. My head seems to tell me no, but my heart never fails to tell me otherwise. & i am tired, i'm tired of guessing if you feel the same or not, tired of asking myself what im going for cause damnit i dont know many things, but cliche as this sounds i'm pretty damn sure I want you. But like everything else, I am afraid. Afraid because our friendship means the world to me and we although we make an awesome pair of good/best friends, we may not be the most compatible couple.
But despite all the apprehension, I'm willing to take this risk because I think if I don't take the chance, it might very well be my first ever regret in life. & the thought of what could have happen will haunt me probably not forever, but for a long enough period of time.
After saying all this, I just need to know.
Are you in it with me?
Sometimes I wonder how much easier life would be if I could just say out whatever i want whenever i want with whoever I'm with. But upon further reflection I realised that this is probably one of the most special things I inherit, to keep mum about the obstacles life presents. True, it is extremely agitating at times to know I can never convey what I feel. But like all situations in life, the tables can be turned. The fact that I know everything that everyone doesn't know, for one, gives me a childish sense of power in controlling things.
The main reason why I write this time round, is because my mind/heart has been in constant turmoil these few days. Its as if the more i try and forget, the harder memories with you in the snippets of my life hit me. In everything that happens, you resurface yet again in my mind, alive and vivid. Sometimes so much that my heart literally starts pounding quicker than average. I always believed that I was one to forget and let go easily. But i guess this time round, I have been proved wrong. It has been more than challenging trying to push back thoughts of you, especially these past few days. My head seems to tell me no, but my heart never fails to tell me otherwise. & i am tired, i'm tired of guessing if you feel the same or not, tired of asking myself what im going for cause damnit i dont know many things, but cliche as this sounds i'm pretty damn sure I want you. But like everything else, I am afraid. Afraid because our friendship means the world to me and we although we make an awesome pair of good/best friends, we may not be the most compatible couple.
But despite all the apprehension, I'm willing to take this risk because I think if I don't take the chance, it might very well be my first ever regret in life. & the thought of what could have happen will haunt me probably not forever, but for a long enough period of time.
After saying all this, I just need to know.
Are you in it with me?