Reading back
It's interesting how viewpoints on things have changed over time. Reading back to what I wrote then, so different from how I view events now. It's a nice dose of reality in a way though. Kat was right, you can't just wave your hand and say, oh it was never right. Maybe they were right for me at the time, though I'm not actually sure about that. I just know I can't dismiss past Elan's thoughts on things.
Things are different now, and yet they're not. I still love with every bit of my being, still get hurt, but I'm trying to grow up from that. Trying to break the cycle of fear that I have over everything. It's interesting seeing current day anxieties in posts 8 years ago. Obviously differently written, and not exactly the same situations, but I'm still doing similar things. I have it more in check though, and that's a positive note. If I can work towards eliminating, or internally squashing those anxieties, that'd be good too.
I can see how intense I was. Like a rope, stretched too thin. I can see the stress, the jumping into any hope, every hope, just to get out. I'm glad I'm far from that now. And who knows I may manage to rekindle with my mom again. So long as the old cycles don't repeat. Baby steps.
Not sure why I even decided to post here, but hey, maybe future Elan will care.
Things are different now, and yet they're not. I still love with every bit of my being, still get hurt, but I'm trying to grow up from that. Trying to break the cycle of fear that I have over everything. It's interesting seeing current day anxieties in posts 8 years ago. Obviously differently written, and not exactly the same situations, but I'm still doing similar things. I have it more in check though, and that's a positive note. If I can work towards eliminating, or internally squashing those anxieties, that'd be good too.
I can see how intense I was. Like a rope, stretched too thin. I can see the stress, the jumping into any hope, every hope, just to get out. I'm glad I'm far from that now. And who knows I may manage to rekindle with my mom again. So long as the old cycles don't repeat. Baby steps.
Not sure why I even decided to post here, but hey, maybe future Elan will care.