*nervous laughter*
Oy, serious long-time no post!!
Have I even announced that I'm going to Berkeley? Yep, I got in, and I am going, I need to get out of Utah. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for it, but I hope that will work out... (the reason my insides are screaming at me) Now I don't have to prove to myself that I'm smart, let's work on self control next...
Summary:
-AP tests are done! (that means school's pretty much over, Yey!) But I didn't do too well, but that doesn't matter, I already got accepted, and their standards aren't too high for AP to count for credits, I just hope I pass them all!
-Ty isn't doing too well, I know he's going to be fine, but I'm afraid he's going to worry himself to death, which would definitely by counterproductive, but I've been in that "I can't do anything about my life" position and still can't help, great friend I am... I try but I don't know what I want so it's hard to unify my efforts...
-Today, I had a really bad stomach ache so I took a med (the one case I will resort to such methods) but I found out the pill had been two years expired, it usually makes me emotionally unstable, but gods! I couldn't stop crying and drove over the wall separating my neighbor's yard from our's... hahaha! I'm so screwed...
-I let my guard down and got a speeding ticket... the cop was really nice though, had pretty tattoos...
-I lost my credit card, three times in one day, and the last time was for good, I really can't take a hint.
-Natasha yelled at me military-style ("in your face" ew) the sight and smell will haunt me for ever... oh, guess what for! watching a movie she rented! "don't touch my stuff"... like it had her name on it...
-I need to go to a club... Ty's not gonna feel up for something like that for a long time, if ever again... (tears...) and I don't know if I can go to area 51 without him, and I don't know if I want to go to the other place because I told some people I would go there every Friday and didn't, don't want to start now (and Friday's the only good day to go there)
-I went to a Red Jumpsuit Apparatus concert and a Placebo Concert, all awesome, except I think Brian Malko gave up trying to excite Utah, disappointing but I can't blame him.
-I think I'm pretty, I weigh as much as I did when I thought I wasn't, so I wonder how much of it is delusion, but I'm starting to see the adult in my face which makes me proud, but for the first time I'm starting to become self-conscious over old scars and blemishes, disliking things I can't change... I guess it comes with the territory of liking my looks.
-I love sandwiches. I used to hate them, now I love them. I blame you, Boise, Idaho. Oh, I went to Boise with Ty for a week, which was interesting... Marcus, I hope you're well and I have a painting for ya! We still need that film developed...
-oh, my camera's broken, dad bought me a new one but it got sent to Mar's and they don't favor punctuality (MD in general doesn't, I think) I do, I'm going to Cali (like Kali...) anyway, I shall have a camera... eventually! (and by then I'll be satisfied with my weight!)
-I don't like being female, I really don't, the monthly pains (I could go on the pill, but then bone mass goes down and, being lactose-intolerant, that's too big of a risk), the concept of the possibility of eventual pregnancy, the roundness/softness/weakness of my body, mood swings, I still feel like I'm cross-dressing when I wear skirts (although I do enjoy cross-dressing), the fact that I get attracted to the wrong people, the social stigma even! it's not that I feel like a man on the inside, I feel female throughout, if not genderless, it's just that I feel that women got severely shafted (no duh... I just though it would wear off by now, so much for progress...) I like the voice though...
-so, school's nearly over, I'm broke but work will pick up soon... now what?
Have I even announced that I'm going to Berkeley? Yep, I got in, and I am going, I need to get out of Utah. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for it, but I hope that will work out... (the reason my insides are screaming at me) Now I don't have to prove to myself that I'm smart, let's work on self control next...
Summary:
-AP tests are done! (that means school's pretty much over, Yey!) But I didn't do too well, but that doesn't matter, I already got accepted, and their standards aren't too high for AP to count for credits, I just hope I pass them all!
-Ty isn't doing too well, I know he's going to be fine, but I'm afraid he's going to worry himself to death, which would definitely by counterproductive, but I've been in that "I can't do anything about my life" position and still can't help, great friend I am... I try but I don't know what I want so it's hard to unify my efforts...
-Today, I had a really bad stomach ache so I took a med (the one case I will resort to such methods) but I found out the pill had been two years expired, it usually makes me emotionally unstable, but gods! I couldn't stop crying and drove over the wall separating my neighbor's yard from our's... hahaha! I'm so screwed...
-I let my guard down and got a speeding ticket... the cop was really nice though, had pretty tattoos...
-I lost my credit card, three times in one day, and the last time was for good, I really can't take a hint.
-Natasha yelled at me military-style ("in your face" ew) the sight and smell will haunt me for ever... oh, guess what for! watching a movie she rented! "don't touch my stuff"... like it had her name on it...
-I need to go to a club... Ty's not gonna feel up for something like that for a long time, if ever again... (tears...) and I don't know if I can go to area 51 without him, and I don't know if I want to go to the other place because I told some people I would go there every Friday and didn't, don't want to start now (and Friday's the only good day to go there)
-I went to a Red Jumpsuit Apparatus concert and a Placebo Concert, all awesome, except I think Brian Malko gave up trying to excite Utah, disappointing but I can't blame him.
-I think I'm pretty, I weigh as much as I did when I thought I wasn't, so I wonder how much of it is delusion, but I'm starting to see the adult in my face which makes me proud, but for the first time I'm starting to become self-conscious over old scars and blemishes, disliking things I can't change... I guess it comes with the territory of liking my looks.
-I love sandwiches. I used to hate them, now I love them. I blame you, Boise, Idaho. Oh, I went to Boise with Ty for a week, which was interesting... Marcus, I hope you're well and I have a painting for ya! We still need that film developed...
-oh, my camera's broken, dad bought me a new one but it got sent to Mar's and they don't favor punctuality (MD in general doesn't, I think) I do, I'm going to Cali (like Kali...) anyway, I shall have a camera... eventually! (and by then I'll be satisfied with my weight!)
-I don't like being female, I really don't, the monthly pains (I could go on the pill, but then bone mass goes down and, being lactose-intolerant, that's too big of a risk), the concept of the possibility of eventual pregnancy, the roundness/softness/weakness of my body, mood swings, I still feel like I'm cross-dressing when I wear skirts (although I do enjoy cross-dressing), the fact that I get attracted to the wrong people, the social stigma even! it's not that I feel like a man on the inside, I feel female throughout, if not genderless, it's just that I feel that women got severely shafted (no duh... I just though it would wear off by now, so much for progress...) I like the voice though...
-so, school's nearly over, I'm broke but work will pick up soon... now what?