Things to learn
I'm left with so many things to think about after the glorious weekend I spent with the Blue Moon ladies in Illinois. It's so easy there to feel meaningful, loved, important - like you're contributing to the betterment of the world just by the simple act of existing. I can't say I didn't have my moments of discomfort, because those are to be expected when I'm around other people as consistently and intensely as I was there, but the worth of my experiences far outweighed any personal awkwardness and internal walls I ran up against.
Now that I'm back home and back to work, I'd like to make my "regular" life more like those few days, rather than merely clutching the memories to my heart. There's no doubt that these sort of "spiritual retreat" experiences - the Blue Moon gatherings, the Fairie Festival - feel like a "time out of time" where the rest of my life and its stresses and mundanities can't intrude, but I think it would do me good to try to infuse my everyday with those feelings and experiences rather than just thinking of them as little cut-off islands of time that could never be replicated under "normal life" conditions. These retreats will always be the most special of my spiritual and personal growth, but such growth doesn't have to be confined to them.
All I need now are concrete ways to accomplish this.
- Meditate regularly. Put it on the calendar. Monday evenings.
- Incorporate some kind of ritual into daily life.
Wednesday, after much re-entry woe, Rachel declared that my mission this year would be to discover what I have to offer. I was lamenting that I wouldn't be able to lead a workshop because I don't have any pass-on-able pagany knowledge or skills. One of the things that came out in me the most this past weekend was a desire to learn. I crave thorough knowledge of a subject that means something to me. I feel like I'm forgetting so much that I learned in school - I've been out of it so long that I can't even talk about Shakespeare with confidence anymore - and I want to fill those empty brain-spaces with something again. I want to revolt against the idea that the older you get, the harder it is to learn new things. Most of all, I want to crowd out the "screen-saver" portions of my consciousness that default to obsessive worrying.
The good news is that there are SO MANY THINGS in the world to learn :) I'll just have to narrow down a list!
- Botany/herbalism: I want to learn to identify plants when I'm walking past them in the field or woods. I'm not interested in practicing herbal medicine, but I would like to learn more about it, specifically the metaphysical and culinary properties of various herbs (for spiritual and cooking use as opposed to medical use).
- Crystals: I'd like to have in my brain some solid idea of the metaphysical properties of common crystals, and ways to use them other than "carry this in your pocket".
- Healthy eating: There are several things in this area.
----- I want to eat primarily foods whose ingredients I recognize.
----- I'm curious about the "detoxify your body" trend. What does it mean? Is it right for me? If it is, how can I do it safely?
----- What does it really mean when something is "certified organic" and what benefits do those foods have?
----- Can I buy humanely sourced milk products and eggs in my area?
- Tea: I already know a little bit about the different types of tea from a class we took, but I'd like to cement that knowledge in my brain. I'd also like to memorize the best steeping times/temperatures for the general categories of tea and the serving customs from various cultures.
- Green living: Okay, I recycle and I don't eat meat and I tried fitting public transportation into my lifestyle. How else can I shape my day-by-day to be more ecologically conscious?
- Victorian housekeeping: I want to reacquaint myself with all the fascinating information I used to know about how the Victorians did laundry, how they planned and cooked their meals, how they managed their hygiene and clothing, etc.
If anyone knows things about these subjects or has recommendations for reliable books, websites, resources, directions I should go, etc., they'd be welcome :) I trust you folks more than some published experts out there.
Right now I'm not so much feeling the usual "I'm worthless if I don't create" angst. It's more of a voracious need for knowledge. I've tried creating without knowledge several times (unwisely) and every time, it became obvious that expecting myself to be, for example, a SEWING WIZARD without learning how to sew first* only leads to frustration and self-recrimination. Neither of which I need.
*For some reason, there are certain things that my intuition tells me I should know how to do as naturally as walking. Sewing is one of them. It comforts me to speculate that this may be some kind of past-life thing, knowledge that was second nature to me once. Regardless, though - in this life, I have to learn how first.
It's hard to admit, but learning - the taking in and mulling over and synthesis of information - is much easier and more fulfilling for me than creating. That's why I have two degrees in literature instead of any in writing. Although I find creation ultimately rewarding, it carries a lot more self-doubt and frustration; I've always found learning to be immensely rewarding and mood-lifting just in itself. I downplay the importance of learning because it feels more "for me," while creating has the potential to benefit others. That's something I need to work on turning around. What's wrong with spending time doing something only for me? And the more I learn, the more I can better help others.
Now that I'm back home and back to work, I'd like to make my "regular" life more like those few days, rather than merely clutching the memories to my heart. There's no doubt that these sort of "spiritual retreat" experiences - the Blue Moon gatherings, the Fairie Festival - feel like a "time out of time" where the rest of my life and its stresses and mundanities can't intrude, but I think it would do me good to try to infuse my everyday with those feelings and experiences rather than just thinking of them as little cut-off islands of time that could never be replicated under "normal life" conditions. These retreats will always be the most special of my spiritual and personal growth, but such growth doesn't have to be confined to them.
All I need now are concrete ways to accomplish this.
- Meditate regularly. Put it on the calendar. Monday evenings.
- Incorporate some kind of ritual into daily life.
Wednesday, after much re-entry woe, Rachel declared that my mission this year would be to discover what I have to offer. I was lamenting that I wouldn't be able to lead a workshop because I don't have any pass-on-able pagany knowledge or skills. One of the things that came out in me the most this past weekend was a desire to learn. I crave thorough knowledge of a subject that means something to me. I feel like I'm forgetting so much that I learned in school - I've been out of it so long that I can't even talk about Shakespeare with confidence anymore - and I want to fill those empty brain-spaces with something again. I want to revolt against the idea that the older you get, the harder it is to learn new things. Most of all, I want to crowd out the "screen-saver" portions of my consciousness that default to obsessive worrying.
The good news is that there are SO MANY THINGS in the world to learn :) I'll just have to narrow down a list!
- Botany/herbalism: I want to learn to identify plants when I'm walking past them in the field or woods. I'm not interested in practicing herbal medicine, but I would like to learn more about it, specifically the metaphysical and culinary properties of various herbs (for spiritual and cooking use as opposed to medical use).
- Crystals: I'd like to have in my brain some solid idea of the metaphysical properties of common crystals, and ways to use them other than "carry this in your pocket".
- Healthy eating: There are several things in this area.
----- I want to eat primarily foods whose ingredients I recognize.
----- I'm curious about the "detoxify your body" trend. What does it mean? Is it right for me? If it is, how can I do it safely?
----- What does it really mean when something is "certified organic" and what benefits do those foods have?
----- Can I buy humanely sourced milk products and eggs in my area?
- Tea: I already know a little bit about the different types of tea from a class we took, but I'd like to cement that knowledge in my brain. I'd also like to memorize the best steeping times/temperatures for the general categories of tea and the serving customs from various cultures.
- Green living: Okay, I recycle and I don't eat meat and I tried fitting public transportation into my lifestyle. How else can I shape my day-by-day to be more ecologically conscious?
- Victorian housekeeping: I want to reacquaint myself with all the fascinating information I used to know about how the Victorians did laundry, how they planned and cooked their meals, how they managed their hygiene and clothing, etc.
If anyone knows things about these subjects or has recommendations for reliable books, websites, resources, directions I should go, etc., they'd be welcome :) I trust you folks more than some published experts out there.
Right now I'm not so much feeling the usual "I'm worthless if I don't create" angst. It's more of a voracious need for knowledge. I've tried creating without knowledge several times (unwisely) and every time, it became obvious that expecting myself to be, for example, a SEWING WIZARD without learning how to sew first* only leads to frustration and self-recrimination. Neither of which I need.
*For some reason, there are certain things that my intuition tells me I should know how to do as naturally as walking. Sewing is one of them. It comforts me to speculate that this may be some kind of past-life thing, knowledge that was second nature to me once. Regardless, though - in this life, I have to learn how first.
It's hard to admit, but learning - the taking in and mulling over and synthesis of information - is much easier and more fulfilling for me than creating. That's why I have two degrees in literature instead of any in writing. Although I find creation ultimately rewarding, it carries a lot more self-doubt and frustration; I've always found learning to be immensely rewarding and mood-lifting just in itself. I downplay the importance of learning because it feels more "for me," while creating has the potential to benefit others. That's something I need to work on turning around. What's wrong with spending time doing something only for me? And the more I learn, the more I can better help others.