(no subject)
i am out of ice mountain at my house. it's been like three days. i may die.
this is... weird. this sucks. i really miss my friends. the thing is, i don't even know if they are my friends anymore. i have this sneaking suspicion that i may have turned into that one person. you know, that one person that was lied to so we didn't have to hang out with them, that one person that was just a burden. i hope i'm not like that. i hope it's not that extreme. but i feel like something's going on. i'm so out of the fucking loop.
you know, i miss the god damned fortress of solitude. i miss those people, and i miss those times. i miss three-million-page emails to kathleen, all of which i kept. i miss spending every weekend at cole's house. i miss staying out all night. i miss drawing funny picture notes to people. i miss feeling like i fit in.
the only people i've really actually interacted with over break were heather and paige. we were with some other kids briefly, before we lost them. it's just... the time i was with them, i couldn't help but feel like they didn't really want me there... or like, again, i just don't fit in.
i'm not sure what happened. i feel like i can't really relate to them. sometimes i just feel like i'm struggling to make them like me. i wish life were easy again. friend-wise, that is. i know my life is easy, i didn't mean it like that.
ahh... this sucks. i don't know. i think about the ways that i'm different from them and there are so many. but isn't that how it's supposed to be? isn't that how it's always been? i don't know.
i just wish that i knew how they feel about me. i hope that they still like me, but it's like, i don't know, we don't even know each other. that's how it feel sometimes.
i've said "i don't know" like nine hundred times so far.
in a way, i just want to leave. i just want to go to school (college, i mean) and meet new people and learn new things. i want to stil live at home, probably. in an ideal world, i would probably commute for a couple years and then move in with vinnie. however, i am no longer an idealist. the only thing i'm trying to take for granted in my life right now is death. that's the one guarantee i have.
things will work themselves out. they always do. but if you're my friend, and you read this (imagine that, someone actually reading this) leave a comment, would you? be a complete asshole, if it's true. i would just like to know what you really think.
and, to clarify, because i'm reminding myself of zoe and that makes me want to cry, i'm not asking you to tell me about myself. tell me about us, and if i'm imagining everything i just wrote about. i am bleeding from the crotch, after all, stranger things have been known to happen.
catch ya on the flip side, dudes.
this is... weird. this sucks. i really miss my friends. the thing is, i don't even know if they are my friends anymore. i have this sneaking suspicion that i may have turned into that one person. you know, that one person that was lied to so we didn't have to hang out with them, that one person that was just a burden. i hope i'm not like that. i hope it's not that extreme. but i feel like something's going on. i'm so out of the fucking loop.
you know, i miss the god damned fortress of solitude. i miss those people, and i miss those times. i miss three-million-page emails to kathleen, all of which i kept. i miss spending every weekend at cole's house. i miss staying out all night. i miss drawing funny picture notes to people. i miss feeling like i fit in.
the only people i've really actually interacted with over break were heather and paige. we were with some other kids briefly, before we lost them. it's just... the time i was with them, i couldn't help but feel like they didn't really want me there... or like, again, i just don't fit in.
i'm not sure what happened. i feel like i can't really relate to them. sometimes i just feel like i'm struggling to make them like me. i wish life were easy again. friend-wise, that is. i know my life is easy, i didn't mean it like that.
ahh... this sucks. i don't know. i think about the ways that i'm different from them and there are so many. but isn't that how it's supposed to be? isn't that how it's always been? i don't know.
i just wish that i knew how they feel about me. i hope that they still like me, but it's like, i don't know, we don't even know each other. that's how it feel sometimes.
i've said "i don't know" like nine hundred times so far.
in a way, i just want to leave. i just want to go to school (college, i mean) and meet new people and learn new things. i want to stil live at home, probably. in an ideal world, i would probably commute for a couple years and then move in with vinnie. however, i am no longer an idealist. the only thing i'm trying to take for granted in my life right now is death. that's the one guarantee i have.
things will work themselves out. they always do. but if you're my friend, and you read this (imagine that, someone actually reading this) leave a comment, would you? be a complete asshole, if it's true. i would just like to know what you really think.
and, to clarify, because i'm reminding myself of zoe and that makes me want to cry, i'm not asking you to tell me about myself. tell me about us, and if i'm imagining everything i just wrote about. i am bleeding from the crotch, after all, stranger things have been known to happen.
catch ya on the flip side, dudes.