(no subject)
I've been lonely, internet-lonely. That special brand of loneliness that you feel whenever you go online and remember, once upon a time, you used to speak with people, utilizing the internet at its fullest.
I don't know why people have such a problem with that aspect of the internet. People believe it's anti-social, sitting in front of a computer. But I am quite anti-social anyway, and now I realize it'd be overall better if I had the group of internet friends I once did.
"Now I realize," one of the most overused phrases I use in my writing and speech. I guess that in order to mask the dull reality that is life (at this time) I have to use dramatic phrases with sudden realizations and consistent epiphanies.
I'm sick and tired of 'constantly realizing' life. But I'm really not close enough to the action phase, either. I'm somewhere in the middle, which is good, I suppose. It's been steady. About... fifteen months ago (or so) I began to leave the realm of pure thought and entered into the badlands between thought and translating it into action. I'm closer to action now than ever, but I'm not really fully doing what I want to do, but I have been better.
For one, I've been watching what I eat, and it's showing. I am surprisingly healthy, this past week. The usual tiredness has left me, as I have not had caffeine in that time period. I'm eating fruits and vegetables. I haven't had fast food. That's been refreshing. I'm quite serious about it, too; packing lunches, eating more sparsely and varied. I don't know what the long-range plans are, actually, but I figure that if I continue to eat and drink like this I'm bound to feel better. Besides, humans aren't nearly as dichotomous as we like to believe; a healthy bond enriches a healthy mind, they say. I hope that my healthy mind will aid the body in recovery.
Who'd believe it - perhaps in a month's time I might look sharper? Perhaps in a year I'll be drop-dead gorgeous. One can do more than hope, thank God.
There is still the mundane aspects of my life I am trying to overcome, in the non-health department. My bed is still eternally unmade. I keep re-reading the same books. I've been lazy in every sense. Just as in the physical realm, I'm unwilling to emotionally or intellectually invest myself. I go to the library and check out the book for the fourth time in the row, and absolutely nothing can be done to make me begin a new game, watch a new show, hell, even see a movie I have never seen before. It's almost as if I lost that sense of the new and just want to plod along in the old forever.
Of course, I don't. But it's hard to get back into being up-to-date. Hell, even the news is hard to digest in the morning (when I bother to get up for it).
On my way to school, there is a church. The church is really efficient in changing the sign every day, and I always manage to dwell on the phrases. "Living in the past destroys the present" is one I've thought of a lot; I've used that one a lot, and even commented about that in regards to video games (i.e. I play games so late they've become old, and I'm stuck playing 'catch-up' when I bother). Even the religious ones ("It's important to remember Scripture, but more important to remember the author") make me think.
Forget fortune cookies; church signs are signs, indeed.
I don't know why people have such a problem with that aspect of the internet. People believe it's anti-social, sitting in front of a computer. But I am quite anti-social anyway, and now I realize it'd be overall better if I had the group of internet friends I once did.
"Now I realize," one of the most overused phrases I use in my writing and speech. I guess that in order to mask the dull reality that is life (at this time) I have to use dramatic phrases with sudden realizations and consistent epiphanies.
I'm sick and tired of 'constantly realizing' life. But I'm really not close enough to the action phase, either. I'm somewhere in the middle, which is good, I suppose. It's been steady. About... fifteen months ago (or so) I began to leave the realm of pure thought and entered into the badlands between thought and translating it into action. I'm closer to action now than ever, but I'm not really fully doing what I want to do, but I have been better.
For one, I've been watching what I eat, and it's showing. I am surprisingly healthy, this past week. The usual tiredness has left me, as I have not had caffeine in that time period. I'm eating fruits and vegetables. I haven't had fast food. That's been refreshing. I'm quite serious about it, too; packing lunches, eating more sparsely and varied. I don't know what the long-range plans are, actually, but I figure that if I continue to eat and drink like this I'm bound to feel better. Besides, humans aren't nearly as dichotomous as we like to believe; a healthy bond enriches a healthy mind, they say. I hope that my healthy mind will aid the body in recovery.
Who'd believe it - perhaps in a month's time I might look sharper? Perhaps in a year I'll be drop-dead gorgeous. One can do more than hope, thank God.
There is still the mundane aspects of my life I am trying to overcome, in the non-health department. My bed is still eternally unmade. I keep re-reading the same books. I've been lazy in every sense. Just as in the physical realm, I'm unwilling to emotionally or intellectually invest myself. I go to the library and check out the book for the fourth time in the row, and absolutely nothing can be done to make me begin a new game, watch a new show, hell, even see a movie I have never seen before. It's almost as if I lost that sense of the new and just want to plod along in the old forever.
Of course, I don't. But it's hard to get back into being up-to-date. Hell, even the news is hard to digest in the morning (when I bother to get up for it).
On my way to school, there is a church. The church is really efficient in changing the sign every day, and I always manage to dwell on the phrases. "Living in the past destroys the present" is one I've thought of a lot; I've used that one a lot, and even commented about that in regards to video games (i.e. I play games so late they've become old, and I'm stuck playing 'catch-up' when I bother). Even the religious ones ("It's important to remember Scripture, but more important to remember the author") make me think.
Forget fortune cookies; church signs are signs, indeed.