I only read one book, but it's a Good Book, dontchaknow!

May 20, 2010 14:25

On this Everybody Draw Mohammed Day, I think I would like to talk about religion. Not so much because of Everybody Draw Mohammed Day, though, but because quite recently, I read something that made my eye twitch uncontrollably, and it has to do with Christianity rather than Islam. A recent addition to my flist (let's call her C) on Facebook wrote that she had lost a friend. This is of course a terrible tragedy that I am familiar with myself, and my heart goes out to her. Losing friends sucks beyond belief. It'll be a long time before she's okay again, and even then it's not by any means good.

However... Apparently he died without knowing the Lord. Apparently C had not only not accepted the beliefs of her friend, but prayed for him for years so that he might see the light. And that gets my goat something fierce.


When I was young, and we were watching any sort of competition, on television or in real life, my sister and I had the tendency to say, "We're rooting for the one who wins." To save us the disappointment if the one we picked to cheer for ended up losing. It worked quite well for us young ones, though eventually we learned to pick a favourite from the start and run with it to the end. The disappointment doesn't last very long anyway.

Sweden is not a particularly religious country. There are churches, yes, but most people only visit one for weddings and funerals, and they don't put much consideration into their religious beliefs. Asking a random person on the street if they believe in God, you're more likely to get a very vague answer in the style of, "Well, I think I sort of believe in something, I just don't know what exactly..." rather than a direct yes or no. Religion isn't something that's discussed a lot, but it's kept out of our government and our courthouses, and our society is by and large secular. This doesn't mean we're perfect, obviously, but I think we're doing pretty well so far. Women have rights, gays have rights, people from different cultures have rights, and the country hasn't collapsed into the swamp of immorality. Despite what Fred Phelps might think.

When my friend Caj killed herself, I was well aware of what the Bible said. Torment and agony in Hell forever for my deeply unhappy friend who didn't deserve it, and I was honestly paranoid about that as well as in despair that she was gone. I didn't quite believe in the Christian God, but what if it was right anyway? What if Caj had killed herself for nothing, what if she was still just as unhappy and in just as much pain? Dad tried to comfort me by saying that it doesn't count if you kill yourself while deeply sick, and everyone who kills themselves are sick somehow, or they wouldn't do it. I was comforted by that, even though technically, if that were true, a rule stating that suicides go to Hell would be rather superfluous in the first place. And this is what happened in a rather typical Swedish family, without a heavy influence of religion, to a nineteen-year old. What happens to, say, a Catholic child who suddenly loses a friend, and is told that friend is now burning in Hell forever, because she was a Protestant? That's not healthy. That's not comforting. That's child abuse.

I don't think that Caj is in Hell. I don't think Caj is in Heaven; I don't think she's looking down on me now. Awareness after death is a nice thought at the first casual glance, but pure Nightmare Fuel when you think about it. Honestly, being self-aware and immortal forever, unable to influence anything or make any sort of mark on the world? The fact that we only have one life, and that it is rather short, that gives it meaning. Living forever is not a reward, but a punishment. I'm not afraid of not going to Heaven when I die, just as a Christian isn't afraid of not going to the Elysian Fields or Valhalla. I'm not afraid of death. I'm intending to do something with my life that will make death a worthy price to pay.

Realising this is very freeing, and that is why I get really and truly annoyed when someone claims to be praying for me to change my mind and accept God. It's like they don't respect anything of what I've just said. They think I'm misguided and wrong, and I get that they're trying to help, but sooner or later I have to say that it's enough. I'm not going to change. I can't pretend to believe in something to please other people. I'm all grown up now, I've picked a favourite to win, and I'll be sticking to it to the end of the race.

I really don't think I'll be disappointed.

rants

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