What is wrong with me?

Jun 21, 2006 19:20

I can't see anything right anymore. My brain is going into high-gear. I can't even trust my best friend when he's talking to me anymore. I'm always looking over my shoulder. I'm always second-guessing. "It's all in your head." At work I can fake it, but I can't always fake it. Gah, I sound like one of those MySpace emos, one of those AFI nobodies, but I can't help it. People feel sad, right? They feel like crap sometimes, they get down, and they feel like everything is against them? Other people feel like this, too, right?

I don't want to be crazy. I hate this "it's all in your head" crap. Can someone tell me they've felt like this before? I want to pray, but I can't. My head hurts, I can't fight it. I'm so scared. I'm so scared of God and of my friends. I'm afraid of my martial arts, of Eric, of my parents. I'm so afraid of my father, because he's in the hospital again and if he doesn't come back the same what is going to happen. I'm afraid. I'm scared.

Why am I like this? I'm afraid of myself. I'm going to lose everyone I care about if I don't fix myself but I don't know how and I can't talk to anyone. I try to talk to Jeb but I hate putting this stuff on him, he doesn't deserve it. It's not his place. That's not what friends are for. What are they for? Those bookmark phrases and feel-good novelletes are useless.

I want fixed.
Previous post Next post
Up