I sit, I click, I listen, I think... repeat.
I really have no idea why. I'll sit here and listen to songs and just get really into them. I love the emotion that's in them. It makes me run through a wealth of synthetic feelings and emotion. I really kind of used the two unscheduled days off that I had to do some real thinking. I feel that I've done a good job of being the good parts of the old Dave, while making a few life altering decisions to make me feel like im a little more well rounded. There's no way to type this all out without sounding cocky so whatever... just deal. But basically I think the two (which are really one) character traits I have that i generally dislike are:
1. Frightening people with my intelligence. It doesn't happen so much with the guys... I feel like all of us are on the same wavelength as far as "Circus act intelligence" goes. Such as to say, we know a whole lot of shit that we would never actually need to know for anything. But then again we can sit and have conversations about politics or the job market or any number of other "intellectually stimulating" topics. But here, its seriously taken 2 weeks for my room-mates to second guess shit they say because either they dont want to hear my bullshit, or because they know that Im going to correct them... or some shit like that. They come to me with computer problems or social problems or homework problems and any number of other intricuitely abnormal questions.
2. Frightening people with the way they feel Im going to respond to something. Granted, I enjoy the thought of ruling with an iron fist, but I feel like sometimes people will omit details from me based on how they THINK Im going to react. Melisa is one who is especially infamous for this. Not to single her out, alot more people than I or maybe you would expect are guilty of this. But seriously... when did I become a bad guy. I really kind of feel like a villian in a movie. Where my "goons" are waiting off in the shadows arguing over whose going to tell me something because they fear my "wrath". I don't know whats really worse? On one hand... this is one of the things that I've really tried to change about myself. Its not so much that it was problematic before... its just that, well Im a really emotional and passionate person. I feel like some things people should just know, or if you don't know... its simple to learn. I dont know. But regardless, I can't think of any recent experiences with any of you or even very many past experiences with any of you that should've led you to believe that you need to be afraid of me? On the other hand I hate that I apparently developed this reputation and it comes back to haunt me. Now... to be perfectly honest, I could really care less what most of you think about me. Well... its sort of true, Im changing it because I feel like I can do more, not because I feel sorry for you guys. But what I mean about coming back is that whenever something little comes up, everyone will use this as the excuse. Perfect example, like when I almost died. Wait... let me be more specific, when I was in the mountain biking accident. No one told me that my frame was demolished. Although back then they could've argued that I would have handled it poorly... well, exactly like I did and they needed to keep me calm to get me out of the woods. But it sort of bothers me that at some point while I was going through the shock of surviving that experience let alone walking away my best friends were sitting there behind my back discussing reasons why they couldn't immediately tell me. (Because I would flip out, in case you just started reading here). Let me be clear... at the time, this WAS the right choice. Im just referensing it. If it were to happen today, I feel like the results would be the same, yet I feel like it would be unnecessary.
Basically my point of the evening is, when an individual has been spending a good portion of recent time trying to do what he feels is bettering himself, it hurts twice if not three times as much when he hears someone use his past against him when trying to justify their actions.
After re-reading and re-thinking this post, I recall trying to explain this to melisa the other night on the phone. Although it makes dangerously perfect sense in my head, I had trouble conveying it to her. At first I couldn't grasp why she couldn't understand but upon further review I really don't think I was getting the whole story out. I feel like this entry is as clear as I can make it... yet it sounds very confusing and intricate the second time through.
Well, I guess all I can do is try to explain it.
Enk cancelled the flight for tonight as well... hence my abundance of time. We should be flying tomorrow. We're flying into an airport that serves as a hub for the National Guard on the way up to Winston-Salem. Under the remarks it says "Extensive military night operations" "Be alert for high speed poorly visible aircraft invof airport" Whenever I see this it always makes me feel weird. Like while we're flying in on the approach there's some sweet military plane or helicopter just cruising around with no lights on and no transponder and they can see us perfectly on their night vision. Like they're treating us as the enemy aircraft in a training operation. Its eerie. I hope no one is trigger happy.
The flight the other day while we were approaching one of the airports an aircraft was taking off and departing pretty much right into us. So we called him up and reported our position and requested his. He told us, then we didn't see him for a few mins so we called him back and he responded with something to the extent of "Baron 229 we don't have you on our TCAS and we just cleared your altitude so we should be no factor" Enk looks over at me as I rolled my eyes and said... pppsshh rich kids with their fancy TCAS. Then enk goes "YEAH! WELL! We have ADS BRAVO!" Which is actually waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more high tech than any of their shit. The trouble is that it's so high tech it doesn't work anywhere except Alaska and some, SOME parts of North Carolina. That includes everywhere else on earth btw. So we held back our comments from transmitting over the radio. They would've thought we were nerds.
Well... I guess this just about covers it. Long flight scheduled for monday now. Should be kind of fun... except enk is giving me a TEST in the morning and we won't be back til like 1am.
DAMNIT!
~DAVE
1. Frightening people with my intelligence. It doesn't happen so much with the guys... I feel like all of us are on the same wavelength as far as "Circus act intelligence" goes. Such as to say, we know a whole lot of shit that we would never actually need to know for anything. But then again we can sit and have conversations about politics or the job market or any number of other "intellectually stimulating" topics. But here, its seriously taken 2 weeks for my room-mates to second guess shit they say because either they dont want to hear my bullshit, or because they know that Im going to correct them... or some shit like that. They come to me with computer problems or social problems or homework problems and any number of other intricuitely abnormal questions.
2. Frightening people with the way they feel Im going to respond to something. Granted, I enjoy the thought of ruling with an iron fist, but I feel like sometimes people will omit details from me based on how they THINK Im going to react. Melisa is one who is especially infamous for this. Not to single her out, alot more people than I or maybe you would expect are guilty of this. But seriously... when did I become a bad guy. I really kind of feel like a villian in a movie. Where my "goons" are waiting off in the shadows arguing over whose going to tell me something because they fear my "wrath". I don't know whats really worse? On one hand... this is one of the things that I've really tried to change about myself. Its not so much that it was problematic before... its just that, well Im a really emotional and passionate person. I feel like some things people should just know, or if you don't know... its simple to learn. I dont know. But regardless, I can't think of any recent experiences with any of you or even very many past experiences with any of you that should've led you to believe that you need to be afraid of me? On the other hand I hate that I apparently developed this reputation and it comes back to haunt me. Now... to be perfectly honest, I could really care less what most of you think about me. Well... its sort of true, Im changing it because I feel like I can do more, not because I feel sorry for you guys. But what I mean about coming back is that whenever something little comes up, everyone will use this as the excuse. Perfect example, like when I almost died. Wait... let me be more specific, when I was in the mountain biking accident. No one told me that my frame was demolished. Although back then they could've argued that I would have handled it poorly... well, exactly like I did and they needed to keep me calm to get me out of the woods. But it sort of bothers me that at some point while I was going through the shock of surviving that experience let alone walking away my best friends were sitting there behind my back discussing reasons why they couldn't immediately tell me. (Because I would flip out, in case you just started reading here). Let me be clear... at the time, this WAS the right choice. Im just referensing it. If it were to happen today, I feel like the results would be the same, yet I feel like it would be unnecessary.
Basically my point of the evening is, when an individual has been spending a good portion of recent time trying to do what he feels is bettering himself, it hurts twice if not three times as much when he hears someone use his past against him when trying to justify their actions.
After re-reading and re-thinking this post, I recall trying to explain this to melisa the other night on the phone. Although it makes dangerously perfect sense in my head, I had trouble conveying it to her. At first I couldn't grasp why she couldn't understand but upon further review I really don't think I was getting the whole story out. I feel like this entry is as clear as I can make it... yet it sounds very confusing and intricate the second time through.
Well, I guess all I can do is try to explain it.
Enk cancelled the flight for tonight as well... hence my abundance of time. We should be flying tomorrow. We're flying into an airport that serves as a hub for the National Guard on the way up to Winston-Salem. Under the remarks it says "Extensive military night operations" "Be alert for high speed poorly visible aircraft invof airport" Whenever I see this it always makes me feel weird. Like while we're flying in on the approach there's some sweet military plane or helicopter just cruising around with no lights on and no transponder and they can see us perfectly on their night vision. Like they're treating us as the enemy aircraft in a training operation. Its eerie. I hope no one is trigger happy.
The flight the other day while we were approaching one of the airports an aircraft was taking off and departing pretty much right into us. So we called him up and reported our position and requested his. He told us, then we didn't see him for a few mins so we called him back and he responded with something to the extent of "Baron 229 we don't have you on our TCAS and we just cleared your altitude so we should be no factor" Enk looks over at me as I rolled my eyes and said... pppsshh rich kids with their fancy TCAS. Then enk goes "YEAH! WELL! We have ADS BRAVO!" Which is actually waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more high tech than any of their shit. The trouble is that it's so high tech it doesn't work anywhere except Alaska and some, SOME parts of North Carolina. That includes everywhere else on earth btw. So we held back our comments from transmitting over the radio. They would've thought we were nerds.
Well... I guess this just about covers it. Long flight scheduled for monday now. Should be kind of fun... except enk is giving me a TEST in the morning and we won't be back til like 1am.
DAMNIT!
~DAVE