Changes
Well, it's been more than a week and I'm continuing to move forward with with my newly-developed plans. I've disclosed the following already to some folks, but didn't generally want to talk about it. In a way I still don't, but typing it once will be easier than repeating it four thousand times.
It's been a summer of reflection and of examining my priorities and trajectory. It has lead me to two decisions. First, I have ended things with Mr S. There are many, many reasons - some of them seemingly minor, some of them more substantial, and it was the sum of the parts more than any one thing that led me to conclude this was not a situation wherein I would find long-term happiness. I don't think he's a bad person, I'm not angry with him, or wish him ill in any way - we are just not on the same path together. Considering his current situation, he will continue staying with me for awhile until he gets his own path sorted out.
However, there will eventually be a deadline for his moving out since my second decision was to sell the house. I have realized that I bought the house with so many dreams and hopes... It was a critical part of my Life Plan at that time and I poured a lot of time and work and love into making it the home I dreamed of, a setting for that future. But that Life is not mine anymore and the trials and difficulties and heartbreaks of the intervening years have become associated with this place. It's still hard to give up on those early dreams - the first years here went so well, with excellent roommates and great hopes for the future. Sadly, that luck did not continue and now the balance has tipped toward the house being more of a burden than a joy.
I think that a change in venue will be good for me. And it will be a space for just me, no roommates, no explicit planned space for partners or children, just space for me to find my feet again. However, there have been good memories here too, and so the new place will still have a space for throwing parties, room for hosting guests, and facilities for crafting of all sorts. I'm thinking of a condo, since I don't really place a priority on the yard and outdoor space, other than wanting a few currant bushes or similar, and even that is negotiable. Anyway, a new space, a new adventure is what I think I need... I've been working hard at cleaning and purging and hope to have the house on the market within the week... let me know if you know of anyone in Madison looking for a four bedroom house that has been lovingly cared for and comes complete with whooshy tub and a truly amazing kitchen.
And so on we go...
It's been a summer of reflection and of examining my priorities and trajectory. It has lead me to two decisions. First, I have ended things with Mr S. There are many, many reasons - some of them seemingly minor, some of them more substantial, and it was the sum of the parts more than any one thing that led me to conclude this was not a situation wherein I would find long-term happiness. I don't think he's a bad person, I'm not angry with him, or wish him ill in any way - we are just not on the same path together. Considering his current situation, he will continue staying with me for awhile until he gets his own path sorted out.
However, there will eventually be a deadline for his moving out since my second decision was to sell the house. I have realized that I bought the house with so many dreams and hopes... It was a critical part of my Life Plan at that time and I poured a lot of time and work and love into making it the home I dreamed of, a setting for that future. But that Life is not mine anymore and the trials and difficulties and heartbreaks of the intervening years have become associated with this place. It's still hard to give up on those early dreams - the first years here went so well, with excellent roommates and great hopes for the future. Sadly, that luck did not continue and now the balance has tipped toward the house being more of a burden than a joy.
I think that a change in venue will be good for me. And it will be a space for just me, no roommates, no explicit planned space for partners or children, just space for me to find my feet again. However, there have been good memories here too, and so the new place will still have a space for throwing parties, room for hosting guests, and facilities for crafting of all sorts. I'm thinking of a condo, since I don't really place a priority on the yard and outdoor space, other than wanting a few currant bushes or similar, and even that is negotiable. Anyway, a new space, a new adventure is what I think I need... I've been working hard at cleaning and purging and hope to have the house on the market within the week... let me know if you know of anyone in Madison looking for a four bedroom house that has been lovingly cared for and comes complete with whooshy tub and a truly amazing kitchen.
And so on we go...