Therapy Week #2
I really do intend to try to keep this up, because I think it's important to me to organize my own thoughts about the things we discuss. Some of them, anyway.
So, there were a couple of things that stuck out to me today:
1) Her inexperience was definitely showing and not of benefit.
2) I'm starting to wonder if therapy can actually help me.
( Further thoughts )
So, there were a couple of things that stuck out to me today:
1) Her inexperience was definitely showing and not of benefit.
2) I'm starting to wonder if therapy can actually help me.
( Further thoughts )
From your description, she does sound very green. Her bedside manner leaves a lot of be desired too, because you shouldn't force your opinion on a client, and you definitely should never shut them down as being plain wrong either.
First off - what sort of therapist is your therapist? Usually they come with specialisations or prescribe to different kinds of practices, and obviously they're better for different things, and I couldn't place what your therapist was just from your posts about her. Also, I am REALLY sorry if I'm just saying stuff you already know.
Secondly, are you more interested in treating the symptoms, or the causes? Obviously, ideally, it would be both, but you need to pick one as your priority, and that would also help you define what sort of treatment you WANT from a therapist.
For example, I have a friend with anxiety and she just wants to know how to manage it on a day-to-day basis. She does not want her therapist to deal with the deeper issues that cause the anxiety. And that is perfectly fine. She sees someone specialising in CBT, and they generally set you short exercises, or tasks to do during the week if you find your problem flaring up. It's basically training yourself to go through certain motions or thoughts when something happens to help ground yourself.
Different example - my father is a psychotherapist, and they don't treat the symptoms AT ALL, unless the person is in imminent danger of hurting themself or someone else. They ignore them because they will resolve themselves as you deal with the cause. This is a talking therapy. It's a process of self-realisation helped along by your therapist and results take longer to show.
Also, I know, I know you already said you don't want to do it, but honestly, chemical intervention is sometimes the best way to manage the symptoms. And that doesn't always mean medication - certain diets can help too.
Lastly, you should just tell her that you think she is too young and doesn't know what she is doing. You should also tell her when you've tried these things and when you think she's wrong. If she's worth her salt, she won't take it personally - instead, it should become a launching point.
I think if you're going back to see her, maybe you should write down exactly what you want to get out of therapy, on a piece of paper if you think you're going to get annoyed and flustered when she tries to bring it up, in order of priorities? Again, I am REALLY SORRY if this is all stuff you already know like the back of your hand, but... yeah. *massive squishes* DD:
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As for what kind of therapist she is -- I don't think she's anything yet. I'm stuck with the campus help center and the therapists are externs. Thus the "she's really green" thing. Because she is. And I knew that, but I just don't have $80-$200 to shell out to someone every week for therapy. (In addition to funds just being too tight for that, the last time I did bite the bullet and do it anyway, I landed with someone who was convinced asexuality was a choice and the root of my problems. And no other therapist I've talked to is willing to let me meet them before starting therapy, except over the phone and just NO, THANK YOU.)
As for medication... I don't think I can even touch that one. When I say that's a deep-seated primal terror, I mean it. It's irrational and unreasoning and even the thought of it makes my heart do the racing thing. -.-;;; And changing my diet isn't going to happen, either. (Again, I know myself.) Adding ANY restrictions on to the multitude I already have would freeze me up and stop me functioning (and WOW does that sound freakishly overblown and whiny or what?).
Anyway, I think that advice about prioritizing is good advice. Because the punchline is that I don't know how to untangle the things. Like... the ADHD is at the root of ALL of my school-related (and all the rest of my, except the social bit) anxiety, which is the major problem I've got right now. And on the one hand, I'd really, really like to fix that. But I also know myself and what I can and can't do. And I know that as long as the system I have, dysfunctional as it is, is "working" with only myself suffering, I'm going to keep using it until it isn't, especially if the alternative is harder.
And I have the disadvantage of being a veterinarian. And the thought of doing nothing but managing symptoms when the root disease is sitting there untreated makes me massively twitchy, even though I know it's not the same thing. But it sounds like she's not capable of doing anything about that root disease, so that leaves me with the only choice being manage the symptoms, and that goes very much against the grain for me. (Even though managing my anxiety would, I'm sure, be a useful skill to learn for its own sake.)
I JUST DON'T KNOW. -.-;;;
I feel like I'm in this constant spin where I know I need help, and I know I'm not happy, but I don't even know what I need help FOR. And that's where I get stuck :(
...and I'm going to shut up now before this gets any more incoherent. Sorry. -.-;;;
ETA: Sorry, forgot -- I did tell her when I'd tried things and that they hadn't worked and that I thought she was wrong and that was when her answer became, "well you really should see a psychiatrist about that and seriously think about medication" and "it's a matter of willpower and you just have to decide to pick something and try it." Which was, as you can imagine, not helpful. :-P
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