Comments | eiremauve: Brigit's Flame June Contest Week One

eiremauve

Brigit's Flame June Contest Week One

Jul 10, 2011 15:26

Title: A Wrong Turn
Author: eiremauve
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 187
Prompt: Bad Advice
A/N: This is terrible, I make no excuses. It could perhaps be good if expanded upon, though.

( That darn map )

Comments 6

keppiehed July 11 2011, 02:39:54 UTC

Don't be so hard on yourself! This was cute, and the brevity worked in your favor. Well done!

eiremauve July 12 2011, 03:38:21 UTC

Thank you very much! :D

(The comment has been removed)

eiremauve July 12 2011, 03:40:18 UTC

It was tempting to have some sort of animal appear, actually. When I edit it, I will definitely consider adding that.

leticiae July 11 2011, 20:52:28 UTC

Don't be so hard on yourself. This was nifty.

Do phonebooks have maps? It's been so long since I looked at one. I loved the thought of them being around. :)

I have to agree with the narrator. If I had seen a street sign that said, "jurassic park ave." I would have expected some TRex to attack me.

eiremauve July 12 2011, 03:41:41 UTC

Thank you very much! :) Phonebooks usually have a map at the back of the book, at least the ones I've seen.

edit belager July 20 2011, 02:48:26 UTC

Hi, I'm your editor for this week. It seems like this story is still in the concept stage, so I will be brief.

1. When you start a new paragraph, use a tab or skip a line rather than just hitting enter.
2. "Other way around", not other way "round."
3. You might want to describe the scenery and weather some more as you expand this story. As it is I could not figure out why the narrator got hot and sweaty since you hadn't said anything about it being warm outside.
4. "Went into the and rummaged around" - went into what?