update of sadnesses
from today...
i think i broke my foot. a doctor touched it and it's blue and hurts and after he touched it i threw up. i'm kind of done with africa for the moment. but grateful for the british doctor. twenty one years without a single bit of brokenness and i come to africa with cumbersome, unwieldy, massive school benches and now i have a foot that makes me throw up on my foot. sadness.
from days before....
There are times in Africa when my tugs of disgust divide and multiply until my cells are bursting with snobbery. Not for Africans - my only patronizing emotion towards the locals is occasional pity. Janet and I discuss over breakfast the universal tendency of people to draw misguided conclusions. Janet - in Hawaii, people don’t want to anger the goddess Pele by taking a bit of volcanic rock. Bad things happened when they did. Jere - in Egypt, people thought they had angered the buried kings when subsequent to their digs they fell sick. Mold spores in their lungs. Me - in America, some people think that Hurricane Katrina was God’s wrath played out against a city of sin. Prostitutes drowned. I meant to provoke Dale. I know that and I also know it’s an unpleasant quality to delight in provoking others as if it’s unintentional. Dale - I’m not so sure that hurricane didn’t have something to do with God’s anger. My downfall is that I provoke delightfully, but when I get the reaction I know is coming I’m enraged. Contemptuous me - it was a natural disaster. Contemptuous Dale - Ugh. God is in charge of natural disasters. It was a beautiful fleeting moment of mutual disgust. You ignorant fuck. You heathenish child of the Evil One. I know that I need to cool down my satanic fires or else a steady stream of devil-inspired profanity is going to burst out of my mouth whenever Dale speaks in tongues or sings screechingly about Jesuslove. But I purposefully stoke the fires of conflict in order to vent my mounting distaste for zeal and certainty and fanaticism.
Thousands of people drowned because God doesn’t like gambling. Gay people create their own deviant sexuality because God would not create an abomination. Women, heel your husbands like dumb dogs with loving masters because God knows a good social order when he makes one. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I do not respect our differences of opinion. You drown, you , you defend your sexuality, you obey your loving master (console yourself, you’re still “equal”). Holy Mother of God, get a fucking brain that isn’t half numb.
Paul suggested I rise this beautiful morning and cheerfully announce the appearance of the Sun God Apollo. Radically liberal girl with equally provocative, worldly lawyer. I’ve already let on too much of our identity (no, I wouldn’t say Paul has a strong faith….I don’t care who people have sex with. No, I said I don’t care). Perhaps, as long as I don’t let loose that I think Islam is actually a very nice religion I’ll make it through this trip unscathed.
i think i broke my foot. a doctor touched it and it's blue and hurts and after he touched it i threw up. i'm kind of done with africa for the moment. but grateful for the british doctor. twenty one years without a single bit of brokenness and i come to africa with cumbersome, unwieldy, massive school benches and now i have a foot that makes me throw up on my foot. sadness.
from days before....
There are times in Africa when my tugs of disgust divide and multiply until my cells are bursting with snobbery. Not for Africans - my only patronizing emotion towards the locals is occasional pity. Janet and I discuss over breakfast the universal tendency of people to draw misguided conclusions. Janet - in Hawaii, people don’t want to anger the goddess Pele by taking a bit of volcanic rock. Bad things happened when they did. Jere - in Egypt, people thought they had angered the buried kings when subsequent to their digs they fell sick. Mold spores in their lungs. Me - in America, some people think that Hurricane Katrina was God’s wrath played out against a city of sin. Prostitutes drowned. I meant to provoke Dale. I know that and I also know it’s an unpleasant quality to delight in provoking others as if it’s unintentional. Dale - I’m not so sure that hurricane didn’t have something to do with God’s anger. My downfall is that I provoke delightfully, but when I get the reaction I know is coming I’m enraged. Contemptuous me - it was a natural disaster. Contemptuous Dale - Ugh. God is in charge of natural disasters. It was a beautiful fleeting moment of mutual disgust. You ignorant fuck. You heathenish child of the Evil One. I know that I need to cool down my satanic fires or else a steady stream of devil-inspired profanity is going to burst out of my mouth whenever Dale speaks in tongues or sings screechingly about Jesuslove. But I purposefully stoke the fires of conflict in order to vent my mounting distaste for zeal and certainty and fanaticism.
Thousands of people drowned because God doesn’t like gambling. Gay people create their own deviant sexuality because God would not create an abomination. Women, heel your husbands like dumb dogs with loving masters because God knows a good social order when he makes one. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I do not respect our differences of opinion. You drown, you , you defend your sexuality, you obey your loving master (console yourself, you’re still “equal”). Holy Mother of God, get a fucking brain that isn’t half numb.
Paul suggested I rise this beautiful morning and cheerfully announce the appearance of the Sun God Apollo. Radically liberal girl with equally provocative, worldly lawyer. I’ve already let on too much of our identity (no, I wouldn’t say Paul has a strong faith….I don’t care who people have sex with. No, I said I don’t care). Perhaps, as long as I don’t let loose that I think Islam is actually a very nice religion I’ll make it through this trip unscathed.