(no subject)
i had a great IM conversation with my friend O. we talked about many things, but i had to save some of the things i said about relationships, etc.
thoughts important to reflect upon:
i won't be the "subby" to anyone not totally in love with me.
i dont like to label myself so i dont know how poly i am. i think my degree of poly depends on who i am with, partially. and also, well....i think for me it is important to know that i can love AND be loved wholly fully and exclusively BEFORE venturing out and including others. he and i are open to involving others in our relationship at some point. i think that at the beginning it is a good chance to really get to know the other person. and well... i am worthy of being someone's one and only. until we have settled into that truly fully faithfully....its good to keep our love between us. but there is a lot of room for us to grow, no doubt.
i try to cut it down to something simple: i cheated on my husband. i made promises i couldn't keep. part of the reason was because i didn't feel like i could be 100% ME with him. i felt embarrassed or ashamed, etc....in this relationship i promise to be 100% ME at all times. honest about it and not ashamed. he promises me the same....and we both want the other person to be involved in all things sexual. so if that means we end up in orgies or having a girlfriend or whatever strange bizarre thing either of us could imagine, it will be something we do together, honestly and openly.
i will not betray another person i love. and there are sacrifices i am willing to make, even if they are only symbolic. i watched my ex break. he almost deserved it. but i broke his heart. single handedly. and no matter what an ass he is, i said i loved him. and no matter what he did, i made MYSELF more important than our relationship. and that selfishness is NOT what marriage is. you can't count on someone not finding out. so it (cheating) is this decision: "i am deciding to break the heart of the person i promised i would love forever." its so sad. we all have such needs and desires. and it's hard to weigh everything. i refuse to hurt another the way i hurt him. it would kill me if i did it again. in my opinion, honest is the only way to be , if you really want to continue to love *yourself*.
edit: (for the record, these are just my random relationship ramblings i spurted. anything stated above is merely a goal for me and my present relationship has no rigid rules or expectations outside of honesty.)
thoughts important to reflect upon:
i won't be the "subby" to anyone not totally in love with me.
i dont like to label myself so i dont know how poly i am. i think my degree of poly depends on who i am with, partially. and also, well....i think for me it is important to know that i can love AND be loved wholly fully and exclusively BEFORE venturing out and including others. he and i are open to involving others in our relationship at some point. i think that at the beginning it is a good chance to really get to know the other person. and well... i am worthy of being someone's one and only. until we have settled into that truly fully faithfully....its good to keep our love between us. but there is a lot of room for us to grow, no doubt.
i try to cut it down to something simple: i cheated on my husband. i made promises i couldn't keep. part of the reason was because i didn't feel like i could be 100% ME with him. i felt embarrassed or ashamed, etc....in this relationship i promise to be 100% ME at all times. honest about it and not ashamed. he promises me the same....and we both want the other person to be involved in all things sexual. so if that means we end up in orgies or having a girlfriend or whatever strange bizarre thing either of us could imagine, it will be something we do together, honestly and openly.
i will not betray another person i love. and there are sacrifices i am willing to make, even if they are only symbolic. i watched my ex break. he almost deserved it. but i broke his heart. single handedly. and no matter what an ass he is, i said i loved him. and no matter what he did, i made MYSELF more important than our relationship. and that selfishness is NOT what marriage is. you can't count on someone not finding out. so it (cheating) is this decision: "i am deciding to break the heart of the person i promised i would love forever." its so sad. we all have such needs and desires. and it's hard to weigh everything. i refuse to hurt another the way i hurt him. it would kill me if i did it again. in my opinion, honest is the only way to be , if you really want to continue to love *yourself*.
edit: (for the record, these are just my random relationship ramblings i spurted. anything stated above is merely a goal for me and my present relationship has no rigid rules or expectations outside of honesty.)