Stacked with meat

Feb 03, 2007 01:21


"Hello, ive waited here for you, everlong"

Isnt it funny how people cry at movies but not at a funeral for their grandparents? I find it remakable that everytime i watch a movie that makes me cry, i can attach to the emotions that person, even though their fake. They are made up people dying or getting hurt, and i can attach to them but when its my own emotions and real people dying or getting hurt, i shed not a single tear. I dont understand it. I feel bad that i cry adn movie and not my grandparets funerals. Is there something wrong with me? WHy cant i even get in touch with real emotions for real people and feel so close the charatcers in movies thay i cry. I hate myself for doing that. I guess when it comes down to it, either im just trying to hide my emotions from my family so as to show strength or i am just out of touch with reality.  I just dont know if i am at faualt for this or not. I mean what can i do? I cant force myself to cry. Is it even sadder that when i feel a strong emotion, of pain, or sadness, i actaully have to have a movie or a performance to spark the tear. Why am i like that? Is it personality defect? I guess it all comes down to regrets. So many regrets, with so little time to rethink apon them. People might say they have no regrets, but their lying. Everyone regets at least one decision they have made. there no way, as i see it that a person can avaoid regret. Yeah on occanion i have been known to stay up late pondering or feeling bad for something i have/havent done. But theres nothing i can do now, is there? 
Back to topic though, i feel so much dissapointment and regret, when i think about the funerals ive been to. I didnt cry at my family's funerals but i cried at a friends family's funeral. Cant i get it right? Is this a sub concious thing saying that i dont like my family?I have no idea, all i know is that one of these days that regret is going to catch up to me sometime. I have to confront it. But its still a while off, Well, cause i know you care which moves make me cry ill compile a list:
Man on fire-(probaly one of the best movies ever)
Click-(exelent ending and just damn good)
Adaptation-(1st movie i ever cried at, the character devopment is exelent)
Rory O' Shea was here-(a new addition to the line up from tonight, not a big cry but a few little ones)

thats all for now, maybe its just my emotions kicking in my later years(haha yeah im only 17, later years, wtf am i talking about) anyways im damn tired
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