/stomping my feet/
Just wanted to let you know that I'm still being stubborn. I'm so scared, of a lot of things. Over the weekend, after we met, I found some paperwork, and everything came back. I had completely blocked out a bunch of stuff. You were right, there is more. And if there is more about Chris, there is probably more about other people. And even though you've told me how to deal with it, and where to turn for the strength, and others have told me the same things and the book gives a solution, I'm so unwilling right now. I want to find it in me. I've been praying. Pray for me, too. I'm sorry (I'm not even sure what for) for taking so long... for not living up to the f'd-up-expectations I've created in my own head... I'm not using anything, but all of those bad coping skills in me are crying out to give up... I haven't yet. I think that this is really just an FYI kind of note, I know what I'm supposed to be doing, and what I can do to feel better, not just have the illusion of feeling better, I'm so on my pity-pot right now, and the cycle goes on and on... So, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not in a good place right now, and that I'm trying to get out of my own way and let God help, but I'm being really stubborn... I'll talk to you later.