Honesty
It's a weird thing.
I think as human beings, we probably get tangled up in a lot of crap that's totally useless and unneccisary. I'm guilty, at least, for sure.
So it's strange to me when I get those moments of detachment.
I think a lot of times I'm not upset when it would be proper to be. As opposed to all those times I'm mad when I shouldnt be.
Sometimes, half way through an argument, I just decide it's not worth it, or that I don't care, or that I'm not angry anymore.
I haven't neccisarily changed my oppinion, but I just sor of run out of steam.
I bet there's more than one of you who know of a time when it's happened. Sometimes it's very inopportune.
I've spent a lot of time worrying about what other people will think.
Thr truth is, I am rather self concious.
I feel badly when I think I've hurt people, or done something to make them dislike me.
Likewise, I feel sort of badly right now, for that reason.
On the other hand, it's one of those lost steam moments. I've sort of come to the realization that- while it's not that other people don't matter- there are very few that do.
And I should really be one of those people.
I've worried in the past couple days about pissing people off by saying yes to Mike.
It doesn't matter.
He makes me happy. I like him. And that is what's important here.
I haven't betrayed anyone, I haven't hurt anyone, and I havent turned my back on anyone. I have done what made me happy.
And if that's not okay with anyone, then okay. Don't like me if you have to.
I'm thinking about what Red said in his pissed off post to me.
Some of it kind of confused me.
Yeah, I jump to conclusions sometimes. Yeah, I get harsh fast.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
But the truth is, I'm bitchy and bad tempered. Whatever else I am, I am loud, obnoxious, oppinionated, and sometimes brash. That really wont change.
So if you don't agree with me, argue with me.
I don't expect you to fall down and worship me. Or whatever. Why would I?
If any of you has a problem with me, can you tell me? Before it sits like a powder keg in any argument we'll have, and I'm sort of surprised by it.
Yeah, I guess I was surprised by it.
It's not the first time lately that someone has told me I've changed, and not for the better.
Strange that it feels like I haven't really changed much at all.
Maybe that's the problem?
I have to wonder how long I've been intolerable.
If we can't be civil, then let's not talk. That's okay.
What I'll never do is call anyone a whore to thier back. If I'm going to say it, I'll say it to your face.
If you can't appriciate at least that honesty about me, okay. Don't like me if you have to.
There's been some stuff from my past popping up lately that's cryptic and strange.
I get a little tired of trying to lug around a rosetta stone.
I wonder if this kind of timing is just random, or if it has something to do with me.
I wonder if that's selfish?
I wonder if that make it untrue?
I get this feeling like I'm spending too much energy on things that don't matter, and never amount to anything.
And even if I think right now that it's time to let it go, I wonder if anytime soon I'll be able to remember that- or if I'll quickly get swept up again.
It's too late, and I'm wide awake. And not hurt or angry, or even the infamously ragey. Just kind of detached and curious.
Yeah, I sort of ran out of steam.
I'm feeling more logical than normal and a little confused.
I hope the feeling lasts until tomorrow.
I kind of hope it lasts forever.
I think as human beings, we probably get tangled up in a lot of crap that's totally useless and unneccisary. I'm guilty, at least, for sure.
So it's strange to me when I get those moments of detachment.
I think a lot of times I'm not upset when it would be proper to be. As opposed to all those times I'm mad when I shouldnt be.
Sometimes, half way through an argument, I just decide it's not worth it, or that I don't care, or that I'm not angry anymore.
I haven't neccisarily changed my oppinion, but I just sor of run out of steam.
I bet there's more than one of you who know of a time when it's happened. Sometimes it's very inopportune.
I've spent a lot of time worrying about what other people will think.
Thr truth is, I am rather self concious.
I feel badly when I think I've hurt people, or done something to make them dislike me.
Likewise, I feel sort of badly right now, for that reason.
On the other hand, it's one of those lost steam moments. I've sort of come to the realization that- while it's not that other people don't matter- there are very few that do.
And I should really be one of those people.
I've worried in the past couple days about pissing people off by saying yes to Mike.
It doesn't matter.
He makes me happy. I like him. And that is what's important here.
I haven't betrayed anyone, I haven't hurt anyone, and I havent turned my back on anyone. I have done what made me happy.
And if that's not okay with anyone, then okay. Don't like me if you have to.
I'm thinking about what Red said in his pissed off post to me.
Some of it kind of confused me.
Yeah, I jump to conclusions sometimes. Yeah, I get harsh fast.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
But the truth is, I'm bitchy and bad tempered. Whatever else I am, I am loud, obnoxious, oppinionated, and sometimes brash. That really wont change.
So if you don't agree with me, argue with me.
I don't expect you to fall down and worship me. Or whatever. Why would I?
If any of you has a problem with me, can you tell me? Before it sits like a powder keg in any argument we'll have, and I'm sort of surprised by it.
Yeah, I guess I was surprised by it.
It's not the first time lately that someone has told me I've changed, and not for the better.
Strange that it feels like I haven't really changed much at all.
Maybe that's the problem?
I have to wonder how long I've been intolerable.
If we can't be civil, then let's not talk. That's okay.
What I'll never do is call anyone a whore to thier back. If I'm going to say it, I'll say it to your face.
If you can't appriciate at least that honesty about me, okay. Don't like me if you have to.
There's been some stuff from my past popping up lately that's cryptic and strange.
I get a little tired of trying to lug around a rosetta stone.
I wonder if this kind of timing is just random, or if it has something to do with me.
I wonder if that's selfish?
I wonder if that make it untrue?
I get this feeling like I'm spending too much energy on things that don't matter, and never amount to anything.
And even if I think right now that it's time to let it go, I wonder if anytime soon I'll be able to remember that- or if I'll quickly get swept up again.
It's too late, and I'm wide awake. And not hurt or angry, or even the infamously ragey. Just kind of detached and curious.
Yeah, I sort of ran out of steam.
I'm feeling more logical than normal and a little confused.
I hope the feeling lasts until tomorrow.
I kind of hope it lasts forever.