시아준수
나에 애호 정말 필요없어, でもまだ守りたい。어떻게守ってる私も知りません。守りたい、これを知るだけ。バボガチ。イロケ、守りたい。죽도록 사랑했잖아... 너를위해 내 마음이 아파서 미칠 것 같아... 준수사마 완전 몰아... 근데 난 괜찮아... 혼자 슬픈지만 진짜 괜찮아... 그래서 절대 행복해주세요..幸せになってください。
Your slightly pursed lips, slightly furrowed eyebrows, slightly blank stare. Are you aware that this is what you look like when you're not doing anything? This was what I saw when you were right in front of me last October, when I drowned in the silence. The irony is that it really wasn't quiet. Not even close. Everyone was clamouring for the attention of the man next to you and you were just there, with that exact expression on your face, in front of me. Deafening, not the noise, but the silence, that I couldn't bring myself to break. I don't know how long it lasted. Time distorts during these stupid processes that go on in the amygdala. Until I managed the feeble "Jun...su...", until your lips slightly curved, I don't know how long was that. But it was heartbreaking. 知りました、あなた、ここで、居たくない。
I imagine the perfect world for you. I want you to be in that world. So you can't hurt yourself, and others. But it's stupid, right? 追根究底，you're no different from us. You have your friends, family, co-workers, like we all do. And I can't deprive you of that. I wished I could take away the hate, of you, from you.
“Used to be such a good kid. He had a real goodness about him, unfortunately for him he was raised by a viper and I watched for years as she weaved her evil and greed around him.”
It's fictional. But what if there was any truth in it?
Are you like all of them? Like Beethoven battling his deafness, Mozart with his father, Van Gogh struggling with his mental illness? Is that what makes your music beautiful? Your pain? I wouldn't know. But I thought, maybe, music made you happy. Or has it become a dysfunction for you too?
I need to get over you. I need to get over this thing I have for you. It's too stupid and it's too taxing. The way I lose my rationale, 失心疯过后还是会觉得羞。
It's hard. But I'm going to try. I'm going to stop speaking of you like that. But I will always respect you.
The only prison I'm trying to escape, is you.