Apparently there's no hope for valentine's day
I had great hope for this day. Why? It's my 19th Valentine's day and it's the first one in which I'm NOT single. Which of course changes the whole perspective on Valentine's day.
Well. As discussed in the previous post, I felt like shit yesterday. I'm not sure if I ever wrote this, but Calvin has depression too mixed in with quite a bit of anxiety. And he just stopped his meds. He's been weaning off of them and stopped a few days ago. This resulted in a totally different person yesterday and today.
I have been with him for almost a year and I have never seen him so low. Even when we weren't going to see each other for a month over Xmas break and he was crying and stuff, he did not seem as low.
He pretty much decided he'll take the meds again, thank god. I'm glad that he was taking steps to take less of them but it was definitely too fast to go off of them completely. I felt so lost the whole time I was with him because he was a totally different person.
This morning I dropped him off for his class and was planning on getting some breakfast. I went to Carl's Jr and the machine wouldn't take my credit OR my debit card. I tried to use the ATM and it just kept saying that I had the wrong PIN. I tried again at west and they wouldn't work there either.
Well. Having my accounts down in the shit combined with worrying about my boyfriend combined with my own mood and my adventures from yesterday, I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of there before the tears came and I went back to my car crying the whole way. I had a difficult time driving home because I was sobbing so much. I just couldn't take it anymore.
My midterm's at 11. I have to leave soon.
He has a break from classes at 2 so I'm hoping I'll be able to pick him up and take him to his V-day surprise: a massage at NW Health & Healing Center. I really hope he's feeling better by then but considering it's been a few days since he's taken his meds I'm getting the idea that this is going to be a very shitty Valentine's day indeed. Especially since I can't even really afford getting him the massage.
Goddam it. I hate holidays.
Well. As discussed in the previous post, I felt like shit yesterday. I'm not sure if I ever wrote this, but Calvin has depression too mixed in with quite a bit of anxiety. And he just stopped his meds. He's been weaning off of them and stopped a few days ago. This resulted in a totally different person yesterday and today.
I have been with him for almost a year and I have never seen him so low. Even when we weren't going to see each other for a month over Xmas break and he was crying and stuff, he did not seem as low.
He pretty much decided he'll take the meds again, thank god. I'm glad that he was taking steps to take less of them but it was definitely too fast to go off of them completely. I felt so lost the whole time I was with him because he was a totally different person.
This morning I dropped him off for his class and was planning on getting some breakfast. I went to Carl's Jr and the machine wouldn't take my credit OR my debit card. I tried to use the ATM and it just kept saying that I had the wrong PIN. I tried again at west and they wouldn't work there either.
Well. Having my accounts down in the shit combined with worrying about my boyfriend combined with my own mood and my adventures from yesterday, I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of there before the tears came and I went back to my car crying the whole way. I had a difficult time driving home because I was sobbing so much. I just couldn't take it anymore.
My midterm's at 11. I have to leave soon.
He has a break from classes at 2 so I'm hoping I'll be able to pick him up and take him to his V-day surprise: a massage at NW Health & Healing Center. I really hope he's feeling better by then but considering it's been a few days since he's taken his meds I'm getting the idea that this is going to be a very shitty Valentine's day indeed. Especially since I can't even really afford getting him the massage.
Goddam it. I hate holidays.