何で今までいきるのか。。。
Can you become even greater cynic than you were before just in one day? Few hours? Will it last? Or maybe it's just for today... I feel fucking bad today. I could trash and destroy anything and anyone. Just let me do it... I could be politician... Really. They would hate me. Would obey me. Fulfill my every command. I would be an ultimate ruler...
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Mind stream? That how it was called in literature... Thoughts running through my head without stop, so fast it almost hurts... If I just could stop it.
Somewhat^^; Having my friend with me brings a smile back, but something dark is still with me. Almost scary... Frightening.
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And I'm not that lucky. I shouldn't be left alone... Cause the minute I'm with myself it all starts again...
I actually yearn for friends, but I'm not at all good at finding ones. I can't just go out and find someone. I had too many bad experiences with people. The disappointed me so many times. I'm never the one who reaches out... Like a hurt animal... And besides, it's so unusual to find someone I can be, talk with. It happens really rarely. I have like, 2, 3 close friends... And some people I know who I maybe wished to be my friends, but... we'll it's hard to trust them fully. And the rest are just... um... Bekante? That's how it's written in german I think.
It's a looooong story and a lot to talk about. I could spend probably years trying to explain, to others and to myself...
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