*curls up*
And today started off so well...but of course by the end I end up crying and just want to curl up under my covers and call Tiffy but of course the time I want to do that she leaves her phone at work while she's off on the other side of the state.
Today started off pretty well actualy. One of the hospitals I'd sent some applications off for (administrative assistant and research assistant) had posted quite a few new positions and I was able to send several more. Then I went to my interview at the local yarn store and even if I don't get the position, I think it went rather well and at least gave me some practice. I left the store just in time to catch the bus, and since it was raining and icky and I was wearing my new (aka: still not broken in) boots, I didn't mind the long ride back. Chilled, made an appointment with the Framingham University advising office for later in the month to get info on the whole post-baccalaurate program for teaching, went out with my cousin on a couple of errands during which I picked up Goliath (after much hemming and hawing of whether I wanted to wait for the paperback version to come out).
And then later in the evening as I'm settling down for the night my mother calls.
The call wasn't a problem on it's own...it just pretty much triggered another one of those lovely "lets pile all the things that Ani finds crappy about her life on her at once" moments. I'm not going to bother going into too much detail as I'll just be regurgitating all my previous journals, but it never will be a pleasant feeling.
I just want some direction in my life and I want to be able to find said direction without worrying too much about how much I'm interfering with others. Not to mention I want to be able to find a job without feeling the pressure to focus on one thing, yet at the same time being expected to "keep my options open." I never should have brought up teaching as it's turning into English at Trinity all over again (I was sick and tired of telling people I was undecided, so I came up with English as my answer to the question of "what is your major?" even though I never declared it). Everyone keeps trying to make me focus on teaching jobs and what I need to get certified, but then turn around and tell me I'm not applying to enough jobs and I need to expand my horizions on what I'm looking for. And now that I'm not having any luck on the job front I'm being told I really should look into going back to school which I know is a good idea at this rate but at the same time I don't want to be staying at my aunt's house any longer than I have to but even with working I don't know if I can pay for classes and do rent without having to take out larger loans than I would like.
Plus if I'm working (whether it be a full time job or two part time jobs) and taking classes, how am I supposed to find the time to go out and mingle? I guess I could make an attempt at interacting with classmates more than I did in college? I want to make it to the NaNo write-ins at the public library so I can meet some people that I know will have similar interests as me, especially since I'm not working many evenings at Michales right now....but oh look, they end at 9pm and the buses stop long before then. Ah hell...maybe I'll go anways. If I get mauled by a wild animal on the walk back it'll at least be something interesting in my life and maybe get people off my back from the job thing for a few days.
I wish I had a car so I could at least go visit Olivia without having to pay $50.
Actualy, you know? Fuck it...Monday I'll take the T into Boston and...I don't know...do something. Maybe it'll be job related maybe it won't but at least I'll get out of these familiar surroundings and do something different for a change rather than just sitting here waiting for calls that don't seem to want to come.
Is being able to afford the rent for at least half of even a tiny apartment that much to ask for? I DON"T want to go back to Texas, and while I'll gladly pay my aunt rent if it comes to that, it's still as if I'm living with substitute parents, which might be worse than living with my parents as I have no idea what they're thinking (half the time I hear my aunt and her husband bickering I always jump to the conclusion it's about me, and that'll probably be even more frequent after part of the convo with my mother....I think how I feel around Rick must be like how my friends feel around my dad) and not something I'd want to do long term, especially since I'm pretty certain I'll have to take more than a semesters worth of classes for a certification despite what my aunt says.
Actually...any chance I could go back to the 1950's and just be a housewife and not have to deal with any of this?
And in the duration of writing this (as short as it is) I've watched the latest episodes of MLP:FiM, BBT, and HIMYM, plus some random Conan episodes. I think I feel at least a little bit better. With the exception of Ted's comment of "I wish I'd branched out and made more friends in my 20's" as that was definitely relevant to me.
......I really hope I"ll have the chance to enjoy my chance at betaing Old Republic this weekend. Was so looking forward to it since I don't know at this point when I'll be able to perchase and enjoy the full game.
Today started off pretty well actualy. One of the hospitals I'd sent some applications off for (administrative assistant and research assistant) had posted quite a few new positions and I was able to send several more. Then I went to my interview at the local yarn store and even if I don't get the position, I think it went rather well and at least gave me some practice. I left the store just in time to catch the bus, and since it was raining and icky and I was wearing my new (aka: still not broken in) boots, I didn't mind the long ride back. Chilled, made an appointment with the Framingham University advising office for later in the month to get info on the whole post-baccalaurate program for teaching, went out with my cousin on a couple of errands during which I picked up Goliath (after much hemming and hawing of whether I wanted to wait for the paperback version to come out).
And then later in the evening as I'm settling down for the night my mother calls.
The call wasn't a problem on it's own...it just pretty much triggered another one of those lovely "lets pile all the things that Ani finds crappy about her life on her at once" moments. I'm not going to bother going into too much detail as I'll just be regurgitating all my previous journals, but it never will be a pleasant feeling.
I just want some direction in my life and I want to be able to find said direction without worrying too much about how much I'm interfering with others. Not to mention I want to be able to find a job without feeling the pressure to focus on one thing, yet at the same time being expected to "keep my options open." I never should have brought up teaching as it's turning into English at Trinity all over again (I was sick and tired of telling people I was undecided, so I came up with English as my answer to the question of "what is your major?" even though I never declared it). Everyone keeps trying to make me focus on teaching jobs and what I need to get certified, but then turn around and tell me I'm not applying to enough jobs and I need to expand my horizions on what I'm looking for. And now that I'm not having any luck on the job front I'm being told I really should look into going back to school which I know is a good idea at this rate but at the same time I don't want to be staying at my aunt's house any longer than I have to but even with working I don't know if I can pay for classes and do rent without having to take out larger loans than I would like.
Plus if I'm working (whether it be a full time job or two part time jobs) and taking classes, how am I supposed to find the time to go out and mingle? I guess I could make an attempt at interacting with classmates more than I did in college? I want to make it to the NaNo write-ins at the public library so I can meet some people that I know will have similar interests as me, especially since I'm not working many evenings at Michales right now....but oh look, they end at 9pm and the buses stop long before then. Ah hell...maybe I'll go anways. If I get mauled by a wild animal on the walk back it'll at least be something interesting in my life and maybe get people off my back from the job thing for a few days.
I wish I had a car so I could at least go visit Olivia without having to pay $50.
Actualy, you know? Fuck it...Monday I'll take the T into Boston and...I don't know...do something. Maybe it'll be job related maybe it won't but at least I'll get out of these familiar surroundings and do something different for a change rather than just sitting here waiting for calls that don't seem to want to come.
Is being able to afford the rent for at least half of even a tiny apartment that much to ask for? I DON"T want to go back to Texas, and while I'll gladly pay my aunt rent if it comes to that, it's still as if I'm living with substitute parents, which might be worse than living with my parents as I have no idea what they're thinking (half the time I hear my aunt and her husband bickering I always jump to the conclusion it's about me, and that'll probably be even more frequent after part of the convo with my mother....I think how I feel around Rick must be like how my friends feel around my dad) and not something I'd want to do long term, especially since I'm pretty certain I'll have to take more than a semesters worth of classes for a certification despite what my aunt says.
Actually...any chance I could go back to the 1950's and just be a housewife and not have to deal with any of this?
And in the duration of writing this (as short as it is) I've watched the latest episodes of MLP:FiM, BBT, and HIMYM, plus some random Conan episodes. I think I feel at least a little bit better. With the exception of Ted's comment of "I wish I'd branched out and made more friends in my 20's" as that was definitely relevant to me.
......I really hope I"ll have the chance to enjoy my chance at betaing Old Republic this weekend. Was so looking forward to it since I don't know at this point when I'll be able to perchase and enjoy the full game.