(no subject)
I really don't know what to make of my last days of freshman year. I've been having a really great time on the whole, but it seems like everyone is really on edge. I think we all just need a good break, with lots of alone time. I miss just vegging out and not having to worry about when the group is getting together for lunch or what homework I should be doing instead of relaxing. School is really getting to me, in a way it shouldn't. I'm nearly done, I have most of my work completed, looking for all A's, hopefully, I have nothing to worry about. But oh well, my brain is a little fucked up right now, I just deal with it. Things could be worse, after all.
This semester has been a dramatic improvement over the first one... that was a hard semester. I wish I would have done things differently, stayed on campus more, made more friends, gone to more events, truly ended things with a certain someone before it became so detrimental to me. I feel like I've been working my ass off trying to make these changes this semester, but that for all the good I do now, I can never make up for lost time and the damage already done. And on one hand, I really want to get the hell out of Tampa, but I also am going to miss it so much. What I really want is for next year to start already, its gonna be so amazing.
Summers are such a weird time... the past two summers have been the most influential and transitional in my life. The summer after junior year was my and Russ' summer, when we really started to love each other. We did so much cool stuff together that year, trips to Busch Gardens, the beach, Rock Springs, hanging out in his pool, growing up together and loving each other to death. By winter, all I had was memories of sun-drenched days running around Orlando together. We broke up, enter Freddy, stage left. I really should have stopped this one before it began, but I was bored, horny and trying desperately to forget about Russ. Which pretty much sums up that whole next influential summer: my (failed) attempts to get over him. I often regret that summer, for all that I did to hurt other people by my sheer stupidity. But it was a good learning experience, which unfortunately continued into the first semester to make my life miserable. So now I think, I remember, I struggle to regain my former self. I'm nearly there, I only need to push myself a little farther to reach my goal of normalcy. Thats why I'm putting my hopes on this summer, time to decompress, time to reaffirm my love for Russ as we did that summer now two years ago.
This semester has been a dramatic improvement over the first one... that was a hard semester. I wish I would have done things differently, stayed on campus more, made more friends, gone to more events, truly ended things with a certain someone before it became so detrimental to me. I feel like I've been working my ass off trying to make these changes this semester, but that for all the good I do now, I can never make up for lost time and the damage already done. And on one hand, I really want to get the hell out of Tampa, but I also am going to miss it so much. What I really want is for next year to start already, its gonna be so amazing.
Summers are such a weird time... the past two summers have been the most influential and transitional in my life. The summer after junior year was my and Russ' summer, when we really started to love each other. We did so much cool stuff together that year, trips to Busch Gardens, the beach, Rock Springs, hanging out in his pool, growing up together and loving each other to death. By winter, all I had was memories of sun-drenched days running around Orlando together. We broke up, enter Freddy, stage left. I really should have stopped this one before it began, but I was bored, horny and trying desperately to forget about Russ. Which pretty much sums up that whole next influential summer: my (failed) attempts to get over him. I often regret that summer, for all that I did to hurt other people by my sheer stupidity. But it was a good learning experience, which unfortunately continued into the first semester to make my life miserable. So now I think, I remember, I struggle to regain my former self. I'm nearly there, I only need to push myself a little farther to reach my goal of normalcy. Thats why I'm putting my hopes on this summer, time to decompress, time to reaffirm my love for Russ as we did that summer now two years ago.