(no subject)
Tomorrow's Nana's birthday.
I can't sleep because I just keep crying.
I know its the order of life. Of course your grandparents die & all that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I miss her so so bad. I didn't realize how bad I would miss her til she wasn't here anymore. I can't just call her. I can't bring myself to delete her number out of my phone. I just can't. Sometimes I call it to hear it ring & just remember the days when she would answer. Just a phone call away. Now shes nowhere for me to find. Now I can't talk to her & her talk back. I can pray & pray & pray but shes not the one that answers. And sometimes you just wanna talk to that one person. I wanna tell her whats been going on with me, I wanna hear what she has to say about it. I wanna show her my hair is growing out & what I wore for Easter this year. I want her to see Brennan walking & talking & growing his own hair. I know she sees it all, yada yada but I wanna know what she has to say!!! I wanna hear her! I wanna hug her! I wanna kiss her cheek & tell her I miss her so bad that I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach!
She'd be 80. What a long life. She had a good one. She loved & gave everything she had to give. I hope I can be half the woman she was.
I can't sleep because I just keep crying.
I know its the order of life. Of course your grandparents die & all that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I miss her so so bad. I didn't realize how bad I would miss her til she wasn't here anymore. I can't just call her. I can't bring myself to delete her number out of my phone. I just can't. Sometimes I call it to hear it ring & just remember the days when she would answer. Just a phone call away. Now shes nowhere for me to find. Now I can't talk to her & her talk back. I can pray & pray & pray but shes not the one that answers. And sometimes you just wanna talk to that one person. I wanna tell her whats been going on with me, I wanna hear what she has to say about it. I wanna show her my hair is growing out & what I wore for Easter this year. I want her to see Brennan walking & talking & growing his own hair. I know she sees it all, yada yada but I wanna know what she has to say!!! I wanna hear her! I wanna hug her! I wanna kiss her cheek & tell her I miss her so bad that I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach!
She'd be 80. What a long life. She had a good one. She loved & gave everything she had to give. I hope I can be half the woman she was.