(no subject)
where do i start? im just so tired of life right now. idk what to do, i just lost about a grand in pool and why?? cuz i have a fucking gambling problem. on the way home (i walked) i tried to figure out why i gamble even tho i'm pretty sure i'll lose and while punching everything in sight i started to realize its really one of the only things that make me happy. i honestly think that u cant be happy w/o money. then i got to thinking again and the only two things that ever made me happy were money and "love". it just makes life seem like a waste of time. i could finish highschool this week and go to college in the spring but why and what for?, its so fucking pointless. i dont want to spend my life working a 9-5 just to make 100,000 a year. why do i want to slave around for 40 hrs a week just to make a decent living. i just wish i was born into money to where i wouldnt have to worry about shit like this all the time, to where i dont have to work, buy my own everything... but i do. and "love", its something that everyone wants but they cant have. you know why? cuz everyone is two-faced. you may not try to be or even be that much but i guarentee u lie more then u think u do. all the relationships ive seen that have actually lasted awhile are because one person fucks around and the other one is in denial. we either make ourselves happy at someone elses misery or we believe we're happy when we're not. idk if im really making since now but i needed somewhere to vent and theres not anyone i can trust that i can call this early. i could go on and on but i think im just going to take some tylenol pm and a couple shots of vodka to calm myslef down and go to bed. so im sorry if ur reading this and ill try to make my next entry more plesant
Dash.