Hands
Cass was...amused? Surprised? When she found I stopped dating after meeting Jennifer. "You dated for a hot minute," she quipped. That was true actually. On one hand meeting a girl after only putting myself on the market a week seems awfully fast, but on the other, I'd set my expectations extraordinarily high. Should time itself be a considering factor in these matters, moreso when that person has met clearly defined expectation and stringent perquisites?
Was this how I imagined things would turn out? Absolutely not, but who's to say time inordinate would change anything at all? Time can be our ally or our nemesis and I choose to befriend her rather than alienate her. What have I learned? That actively practicing practical intimacy perhaps outweighs an uncertain potentiality of doing so. A bird in the hand so to speak, if we were talking about something more tangible (though woefully inadequate for this scenario). Speaking of potential, Jennifer is dating a penniless middle-aged man who lives in a meth house, so again, who's to say? I can't begin to imagine what she sees, but a fat payout doesn't appear to be her primary interest lol. Either way, I don't see, "time" or "duration" (or any number of arbitrarily set milestones) as particularly important - I never have. So question societal norms sure, but that doesn’t mean to follow nor reject them on the basis of them being societal norms alone, it means simply to question them; see what will be applicable for you and the situation while keeping in mind the fluidity of the scenario in respect to the limitations of our perspective.
For the first time in over two years I went 8-hours without thinking of Cass. Even forgot to text her both good night, and good morning. That surprised me. I used it as empirical evidence my tears had worked as intended. My recent increase in lust for her had even subsided, which disappointed and surprised me both. We're planning a trip to New Mexico in the upcoming weeks, so for something fun and different (because I was obliquely concerned about possible outcomes), Jennifer pulled cards. I will admit to being - if possible - even more concerned afterward. Not at facing the challenge, rather the eventuality I may face if I'm to understand the Truth of things. I'm awfully goddamn stubborn for someone who is otherwise open to a great many things, and that's on me. Perhaps another clearing is in my future? Either way, it seems to be akin to playing with fire - showing up to Cass' with Jennifer in tow. Yet there is no sane alternative to not playing with fire. We can't just ignore it, or pretend it doesn't exist. Best to be faced openly in order to secure an actionable outcome and put doubts to rest.
If that makes sense.
I dunno.