Self-Actualization
I've often said within the annals of this blog that when demonstratively unhappy people aggressively dictate to others that they are, "happy" no one is ever fooled. Happiness is a mindset; a lifestyle; a joy. Those who proclaim they are while doing, saying, and acting reprehensibly is the tell-tale sign. Self-actualization (to me) feels similar as it is reflected in our actions, attitude, and behavior. It is these traits those of us on the path of enlightenment see in one another over what they tell us.
So what are these traits? We have a tendency to be open, unconventional, and spontaneous. Yes we are able to (mostly) follow generally accepted social expectations, but we don't feel confined nor restrained by them in our thoughts or behavior, rather a responsibility to be authentic, often despite them. We generally see them as guidelines rather than rules, with the understanding all of it - everything - exists upon a spectrum, and choose to act according to our own integrity.
It also isn't about being perfect or achieving all our life goals. Rather, its a state of mind that allows us to approach problems, relationships, and needs with acceptance and understanding - not being dependent on what others think of us or subject to the opinions of others. After all, I still struggle with all manner of emotions from time to time and can even be cynical or passive-aggressive. The difference is, I don't stay there, nor do I let it define me. I reevaluate when those things pop up and strive to continuously improve.
When studying Maslow he talks about self-actualization as those who experience peak experiences, but what is that exactly? It is nothing more than intense ecstasy, joy, or wonder surrounding those experiences. And because we often pair that with introspection, it can be transformative - as if we've changed fundamentally through insight into the world and ourselves. Years ago I posted here on neotny, the sort of child-like wonder in which I take in new things and the world around me; retaining that wonder in our adult lives is paramount! Which brings us to gratitude. We don’t let worries and anxieties cripple us or paint the picture of our life, rather we're accepting of life as it is - seeing obstacles as challenges for growth and opportunities to be overcome - as well as other people as they are, accepting of the journey they are on. Or at least certainly try to be rather than not. We accept our flaws and embrace the real rather than the superficial and are almost always exceedingly honest as that fits into our integrity and authenticity both. We're grateful for these experiences, and seek out the same deep, meaningful relationships in others.
While there are many other traits, these I feel are mine, and of course all of these reside on a spectrum as well, and there is always, always, always room for improvement as with all things. Lasty, when viewed from a filter of religious or societal indoctrination, our morality is often (often!) called into question as it is usually the most glaring variation from the lowest common denominator. To illustrate, I'll first paraphrase Kohlberg's Sixth Stage of Post-Conventional Values, "Question all societal norms. Autonomously comprehend universal rules which are rational and logical." and conclude with Maslow's own words from his published work, Motivation and Personality, "These individuals are strongly ethical, they have definite moral standards, they do right and do not do wrong. Needless to say, their notions of right and wrong and good and evil are often not the conventional ones."
Those who are not on this path may verbalize arrogance in our acceptance of self-actualization, and honestly we play it close to the chest with the unwashed masses. But we see it in each other when we run across these beautiful souls as we often have much joy in common and wish to share with them our experiences and learn from theirs <3