Doctor Who Fic -- What a Nightmare!
“Big,” Rose answered.
Donna smirked. “How big?”
Rose’s eyes got as round as though she didn’t believe it herself. “Huge. Fucking huge. Believe me, Donna, if you’da seen it, you’da run off screaming!”
“I would never!” Donna accused. “I’m a big girl, aren’t I? I’d take it like the super-temp that I am! Come’re big fella! Come to Mummy!” She flailed out her hands as though she were frantically reaching for something in front of her and had to cling to the table when she’d almost lost her balance.
Rose cackled and clapped her hands together. “What’s at, Supah-Temp? You been accosted by the dreaded Evil Doctor Table? Is it? Whatcha gonna do now?”
“Well, first,” Donna answered too loudly, “First, I’ma take this table and I’m gonna drill little holes in it and fill them all with termites. Then I’m gonna go down to the rainforest and cut down all it’s little brothers and sisters and cousins and aunts and uncles, and them I’m gonna give it a good backhander! One swift backhander, right across the grain! That’ll give ‘im a what for, wouldn’t it!”
Both Women howled and clinked glasses, drinking deeply.
“So then wha’appened?” Donna asked enthusiastically.
“So then,” Rose continued, “Then we were surrounded by these horrible little buggars! Fucking huge, I’m telling you! They’re like giant German Sheppards with razor sharp talons and wings and sharp teeth and all! Six-foot crows, with four legs and a snout, and something slimey just dripping outta their jowls all over us, it was disgusting!”
Donna had the good grace to look abashed, though it was a struggle to keep from sniggering. “That’s awful! What’d the Doctor do? Roll in it?”
Rose’s eyes got big again. “Did he already tell you this story?”
“No! Of course not! This is making him look bad! Why would he tell me this kind of a story? But I know ‘im, I do, and I know that if there’s something gross that can be done on any given trip, he’ll find it, and he’ll do it.”
“That’s so true!”
“What’s so true?” the Doctor asked startledly as he stopped in the doorway of the galley.
Rose pointed at Donna. “She thinks you’re disgusting!” she shouted and howled in laughter some more.
“Completely!” added Donna.
The Doctor gave them a look that was a combination of hurt, confusion and terror. “No,” he sniped. “No, you two will not talk about me when you’ve been drinking! Is that understood?” He oozed every bit of The Oncoming Storm.
The girls, however, looked startled for only a moment before returning to another fit of giggling.
The Doctor sighed. “Why do I always get laughed at when my old companions get together with my new ones?”
“Because you’re so disgusting!” Donna answered.
The Doctor’s eyes darkened. He picked the ginger woman up out of the chair and plucked her onto the counter. “I’ll show you disgusting.”
* * *
An off-screen voice begins, “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to The Chair. The show where you answer the questions given you or you get electrocuted.” A spotlight hits a serious-looking blonde female. “Our guest tonight is a man called The Doctor. Welcome, Doctor.”
Another spotlight hits a tall, youngish-looking man with deep soulful eyes and wild, mousey brown hair. “Hello,” he waves.
“How are you this evening?” the blonde asked.
The Doctor fidgeted in his chair a bit. “A bit nervous, actually, thanks.”
“Understandably. Here to support you tonight are your travelling companion Donna Noble, your unlikely dopple ganger affectionately known as “10.2,” and your former travelling companion Rose Tyler.” A spotlight shines on each person as they are introduced. “Now, each of these people are here to give you a chance to explain to them why you did what you did to them a few months ago. Are you prepared to answer questions on this subject, Doctor?”
He swallows before answering very quietly, “Yes.”
“Very well, remember if any one of your companions here choose to press that big red button in front of them, you will not be allowed to give an answer to the question just asked. Is that understood?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Let’s begin. Question one: Not including the Time War, How many people have you killed or are dead because of something you did or something you allowed to happen?”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant-”
“Answer the question, Doctor! The question is relevant!”
“People alone or all sentient beings?”
“All.”
“Nine-hundred million, fifty-four thousand, six-hundred and seventy three!”
There is a moment of silence in the room .
“And including the time war?”
“Sixty-four trillion, seven-hundred and seventy two million, eight-hundred and twenty eight thousand, nine-hundred and six.” There are tears streaming down the Doctor’s face now.
“Question three: Are you in love with young miss Rose Tyler?”
A loud buzzer buzzes and a red spotlight shines down on the Big Red Button as 10.2 presses it. “We don’t want to hear the answer to that one.” He waves it away casually and turns to affectionately caress Rose’s very pregnant belly.
“But-”
“Next question-”
“But I wanted to answer that question!”
“I’m sorry, but once a question has been buzzed, it cannot be answered.”
“But-”
“You got your chance!”
“But I do! I do love Rose!” At least, that’s what he would have been saying, had his mouth been moving and any sound been coming out.
“Question four: Hot or Not? Donna Noble.”
“What?! This is even less relevant than the first question!”
“You will be silent and you will answer the question!”
“How am I supposed to both be silent and answer the question?!”
Pain. So much pain.
* * *
“Rose!” Mickey shouted. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” He ran over to the blonde and hugged her.
“Hey, Mick! How’s it going?” She hugged him back warmly.
“Great! Me and the guys been waiting for you down at the pub. Come on!” He lead her down the street to their old regular haunt and a little bit of nostalgia wafted up to her with the smell of beer. She paused for a moment when she saw that “the guys” was not Tricia and Keesha and Cousin Mo. In front of her was an entire bar filled with every man she’d ever had any kind of relationship with, from friend to father to lover to travelling companion.
“Oh, my god!” she whispered, covering her mouth in terror.
“Isn’t it great, Rose? They’re all here to see you!” Mickey spread his arms out wide in a cheesy grand flourish and bumped into the man behind him.
“Oi!” said the man as he turned around to see who’d bumped him. He rolled his eyes. “Shoulda known it’d be Mickey the Idiot bumping into me. Clumsy apes.”
Rose’s jaw shattered into a million pieces on the floor. “Doctor! Oh, my Doctor, you’re here!” she ran and hugged him.
The Doctor grinned his manic grin at her when they pulled away. “Course I’m here! Where else would I be?”
“But, you changed. You’re supposed to look different now.”
“I told you, I’ve changed my jumper!”
“No, I mean your face, your body, your…everything. You regenerated. But the old you is here now, I don’t understand. Oh, my god, is this one of those paradoxes? Are we gonna get eaten by reapers, now? Shit! And it’s all my fault!”
“Relax, Rose, this isn’t anything like that. It’s just a party.”
“It’s just a party,” she started to concede. “But, wait, you didn’t answer my question.”
“That’s because it’s just a party.
“Just a party?”
“It’s just a party.”
Rose almost did relax until another man walked up to them and put his hand around Rose’s old Doctor.
“Just a party? No, I think you’re kidding yourself about that. This isn’t really just a party, and you didn’t really change your jumper, did you? You’re a fool to think she can’t figure that out!”
“Excuse me, who do you think you are coming up here and-”
“I’m you!” the man exclaimed delightedly, still hugging what was essentially himself. “I’m the Doctor. Hello! And I’m here to win the title of “Most Important Man in Rose Tyler’s Life” just the same as you are, aren’t I? Though, I must say, some of the turnout here is quite ghastly!” He nodded toward Mickey Smith and Jimmy Stone. “Guess it’s just really between you and me and Pete, isn’t it?”
“You are not me,” said Leather Jacket Doctor matter-of-factly, shrugging the other man off of him.
“What?” said Pinstriped Suit Doctor.
“I said, ‘You are not me!’ There is no way in the universe that I would or could ever regenerate into that!”
“Into what? The Doctor?”
“Pinstriped suits and big hair? I don’t think so. Look at that pretty boy face, where did that come from? Look at me!”
Pinstriped Suit Doctor let his face fall serious for a brief second. “You know where it came from.”
“You won’t have that title,” challenged Leather Jacket Doctor.
“You can bet that I will,” Pinstriped Suit Doctor challenged back.
Both men hovered inches away from the other’s face, like mongoose and cobra, though which was which was anyone’s guess.
“Doctor!,” Rose spoke up. “You know, it’s possible that you guys could, I don’t know, share. I mean, you are the same person.”
The two Doctors looked at each other and laughed. “She wants us to share!” they both declared simultaneously and laughed harder because of it. In an instant that caught Rose off guard, both Doctors stopped laughing and looked dangerously serious.
“You know,” said Pinstriped Suit Doctor.
“She does have a point,” added Leather Jacket Doctor.
“We could share her.”
“Right her on the billiards table, even.”
“I like where this is headed, me.”
“Me too, me!”
The two Doctors walked purposefully towards her.
* * *
“Doctor, I would really like to leave the Living Your Dream Planet, now.”
“Agreed.”
“But I want to stay a little longer!”
Donna smirked. “How big?”
Rose’s eyes got as round as though she didn’t believe it herself. “Huge. Fucking huge. Believe me, Donna, if you’da seen it, you’da run off screaming!”
“I would never!” Donna accused. “I’m a big girl, aren’t I? I’d take it like the super-temp that I am! Come’re big fella! Come to Mummy!” She flailed out her hands as though she were frantically reaching for something in front of her and had to cling to the table when she’d almost lost her balance.
Rose cackled and clapped her hands together. “What’s at, Supah-Temp? You been accosted by the dreaded Evil Doctor Table? Is it? Whatcha gonna do now?”
“Well, first,” Donna answered too loudly, “First, I’ma take this table and I’m gonna drill little holes in it and fill them all with termites. Then I’m gonna go down to the rainforest and cut down all it’s little brothers and sisters and cousins and aunts and uncles, and them I’m gonna give it a good backhander! One swift backhander, right across the grain! That’ll give ‘im a what for, wouldn’t it!”
Both Women howled and clinked glasses, drinking deeply.
“So then wha’appened?” Donna asked enthusiastically.
“So then,” Rose continued, “Then we were surrounded by these horrible little buggars! Fucking huge, I’m telling you! They’re like giant German Sheppards with razor sharp talons and wings and sharp teeth and all! Six-foot crows, with four legs and a snout, and something slimey just dripping outta their jowls all over us, it was disgusting!”
Donna had the good grace to look abashed, though it was a struggle to keep from sniggering. “That’s awful! What’d the Doctor do? Roll in it?”
Rose’s eyes got big again. “Did he already tell you this story?”
“No! Of course not! This is making him look bad! Why would he tell me this kind of a story? But I know ‘im, I do, and I know that if there’s something gross that can be done on any given trip, he’ll find it, and he’ll do it.”
“That’s so true!”
“What’s so true?” the Doctor asked startledly as he stopped in the doorway of the galley.
Rose pointed at Donna. “She thinks you’re disgusting!” she shouted and howled in laughter some more.
“Completely!” added Donna.
The Doctor gave them a look that was a combination of hurt, confusion and terror. “No,” he sniped. “No, you two will not talk about me when you’ve been drinking! Is that understood?” He oozed every bit of The Oncoming Storm.
The girls, however, looked startled for only a moment before returning to another fit of giggling.
The Doctor sighed. “Why do I always get laughed at when my old companions get together with my new ones?”
“Because you’re so disgusting!” Donna answered.
The Doctor’s eyes darkened. He picked the ginger woman up out of the chair and plucked her onto the counter. “I’ll show you disgusting.”
* * *
An off-screen voice begins, “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to The Chair. The show where you answer the questions given you or you get electrocuted.” A spotlight hits a serious-looking blonde female. “Our guest tonight is a man called The Doctor. Welcome, Doctor.”
Another spotlight hits a tall, youngish-looking man with deep soulful eyes and wild, mousey brown hair. “Hello,” he waves.
“How are you this evening?” the blonde asked.
The Doctor fidgeted in his chair a bit. “A bit nervous, actually, thanks.”
“Understandably. Here to support you tonight are your travelling companion Donna Noble, your unlikely dopple ganger affectionately known as “10.2,” and your former travelling companion Rose Tyler.” A spotlight shines on each person as they are introduced. “Now, each of these people are here to give you a chance to explain to them why you did what you did to them a few months ago. Are you prepared to answer questions on this subject, Doctor?”
He swallows before answering very quietly, “Yes.”
“Very well, remember if any one of your companions here choose to press that big red button in front of them, you will not be allowed to give an answer to the question just asked. Is that understood?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Let’s begin. Question one: Not including the Time War, How many people have you killed or are dead because of something you did or something you allowed to happen?”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant-”
“Answer the question, Doctor! The question is relevant!”
“People alone or all sentient beings?”
“All.”
“Nine-hundred million, fifty-four thousand, six-hundred and seventy three!”
There is a moment of silence in the room .
“And including the time war?”
“Sixty-four trillion, seven-hundred and seventy two million, eight-hundred and twenty eight thousand, nine-hundred and six.” There are tears streaming down the Doctor’s face now.
“Question three: Are you in love with young miss Rose Tyler?”
A loud buzzer buzzes and a red spotlight shines down on the Big Red Button as 10.2 presses it. “We don’t want to hear the answer to that one.” He waves it away casually and turns to affectionately caress Rose’s very pregnant belly.
“But-”
“Next question-”
“But I wanted to answer that question!”
“I’m sorry, but once a question has been buzzed, it cannot be answered.”
“But-”
“You got your chance!”
“But I do! I do love Rose!” At least, that’s what he would have been saying, had his mouth been moving and any sound been coming out.
“Question four: Hot or Not? Donna Noble.”
“What?! This is even less relevant than the first question!”
“You will be silent and you will answer the question!”
“How am I supposed to both be silent and answer the question?!”
Pain. So much pain.
* * *
“Rose!” Mickey shouted. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” He ran over to the blonde and hugged her.
“Hey, Mick! How’s it going?” She hugged him back warmly.
“Great! Me and the guys been waiting for you down at the pub. Come on!” He lead her down the street to their old regular haunt and a little bit of nostalgia wafted up to her with the smell of beer. She paused for a moment when she saw that “the guys” was not Tricia and Keesha and Cousin Mo. In front of her was an entire bar filled with every man she’d ever had any kind of relationship with, from friend to father to lover to travelling companion.
“Oh, my god!” she whispered, covering her mouth in terror.
“Isn’t it great, Rose? They’re all here to see you!” Mickey spread his arms out wide in a cheesy grand flourish and bumped into the man behind him.
“Oi!” said the man as he turned around to see who’d bumped him. He rolled his eyes. “Shoulda known it’d be Mickey the Idiot bumping into me. Clumsy apes.”
Rose’s jaw shattered into a million pieces on the floor. “Doctor! Oh, my Doctor, you’re here!” she ran and hugged him.
The Doctor grinned his manic grin at her when they pulled away. “Course I’m here! Where else would I be?”
“But, you changed. You’re supposed to look different now.”
“I told you, I’ve changed my jumper!”
“No, I mean your face, your body, your…everything. You regenerated. But the old you is here now, I don’t understand. Oh, my god, is this one of those paradoxes? Are we gonna get eaten by reapers, now? Shit! And it’s all my fault!”
“Relax, Rose, this isn’t anything like that. It’s just a party.”
“It’s just a party,” she started to concede. “But, wait, you didn’t answer my question.”
“That’s because it’s just a party.
“Just a party?”
“It’s just a party.”
Rose almost did relax until another man walked up to them and put his hand around Rose’s old Doctor.
“Just a party? No, I think you’re kidding yourself about that. This isn’t really just a party, and you didn’t really change your jumper, did you? You’re a fool to think she can’t figure that out!”
“Excuse me, who do you think you are coming up here and-”
“I’m you!” the man exclaimed delightedly, still hugging what was essentially himself. “I’m the Doctor. Hello! And I’m here to win the title of “Most Important Man in Rose Tyler’s Life” just the same as you are, aren’t I? Though, I must say, some of the turnout here is quite ghastly!” He nodded toward Mickey Smith and Jimmy Stone. “Guess it’s just really between you and me and Pete, isn’t it?”
“You are not me,” said Leather Jacket Doctor matter-of-factly, shrugging the other man off of him.
“What?” said Pinstriped Suit Doctor.
“I said, ‘You are not me!’ There is no way in the universe that I would or could ever regenerate into that!”
“Into what? The Doctor?”
“Pinstriped suits and big hair? I don’t think so. Look at that pretty boy face, where did that come from? Look at me!”
Pinstriped Suit Doctor let his face fall serious for a brief second. “You know where it came from.”
“You won’t have that title,” challenged Leather Jacket Doctor.
“You can bet that I will,” Pinstriped Suit Doctor challenged back.
Both men hovered inches away from the other’s face, like mongoose and cobra, though which was which was anyone’s guess.
“Doctor!,” Rose spoke up. “You know, it’s possible that you guys could, I don’t know, share. I mean, you are the same person.”
The two Doctors looked at each other and laughed. “She wants us to share!” they both declared simultaneously and laughed harder because of it. In an instant that caught Rose off guard, both Doctors stopped laughing and looked dangerously serious.
“You know,” said Pinstriped Suit Doctor.
“She does have a point,” added Leather Jacket Doctor.
“We could share her.”
“Right her on the billiards table, even.”
“I like where this is headed, me.”
“Me too, me!”
The two Doctors walked purposefully towards her.
* * *
“Doctor, I would really like to leave the Living Your Dream Planet, now.”
“Agreed.”
“But I want to stay a little longer!”