I bloody hate you too [chapter 1/?]
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Groaning, I covered my ears with my fluffy white pillow to block out the incessant noise from the stupid alarm clock, scrunching up my face in annoyance.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
I could feel my tolerance level sinking lower and lower. You do not disturb the Jung Jaejoong when he is having his beauty sleep, no you do not. Why? Because-
Ring! Ring! Ring!
“OH FUCK IT, ROT IN HELL YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER AND STAY THERE.” I yelled as I sat up, swinging my hand and causing it to come crashing down on the top of the poor alarm clock. I’m lying, it’s not ‘poor’ at all. The stupid mechanical… thing whimpered in protest before it finally stopped making any sort of noise and I smirked in satisfaction when I saw the minute hand fall, defeated to the bottom of the clock.
I tapped the plastic face of the clock and smiled, “You stupid bitch.”
Hello everyone, my name is Jung Jaejoong. I’m unique because I’m half Korean, half American. I’m legally an adult so yeah, I do watch porn actually, if you were wondering. Off topic, oops. I’m nineteen and contrary to popular belief about me being a loner, I’m not anymore because I have a loving, caring boyfriend who lives with me.
Okay, so you must be thinking now like, ‘what the fuck, is he so gay?’ I’ve got two words for you, if you can even count properly.
Fuck off.
I was about to snuggle back into bed and enjoy the rest of my disturbed morning when I heard loud footsteps outside the door. Groaning once again, I pulled the covers over my head and pretended to be asleep.
Please don’t notice please don’t notice please don’t-
“Yah Jung Jaejoong, why the hell are you screaming at such an ungodly hour? It’s seven, for God’s sake!”
-notice.
I sighed and sat up, ruffling my bed hair and noticed that there was this little end that seemed to twirl up. My lips curled into a pout, “My hair is horrible this morning.”
“Well maybe it’s karma for wanting to wake the entire neighbourhood up?”
I scoffed, “Well I wasn’t the only one screaming my head off.”
I glared at the offending man as I clutched my blanket to my body before slumping back down onto the bed, smothering my face into the pillow and leaving just a tiny tuff of my black hair to be seen.
Okay rewind, rewind, rewind. In case you didn’t already know, this stupid man’s name is Jung Yunho, more commonly known as Jung-songsaengnim (bleah) or to me, my boyfriend. We’ve been together for the past few months or so and my time spent with him has been utter bliss. He is sweet, caring, generous, caring, polite-
“Would it really kill to tone down just a little bit, Jae? Honestly, I feel as if I’m becoming deaf.” He pursed his lips and folded his arms, staring me down.
“I take that back, you’re a motherfucker.” I muttered under my breath.
“What was that?”
“Nothing!” I replied in a sing-song voice as I tugged at the annoying bit of curly bed hair, trying to straighten it.
Yunho shook his head before sighing and walking to the cabinet, which was situated next to our bed, to get his clothes. I poked my head out from under the covers, “Why are you up so early?”
He sighed again. Well someone needs some anti-depressants.
“I have work, dear, if you happened to forget within the span of oh I don’t know, a day?” He slipped on his tie before turning around to face me. I glared at him.
“I didn’t forget! You’re just earlier than usual today.” I commented and sat up. Yunho usually woke up at around seven-thirty to get ready for school.
… no, he is not a student and no, I am not a paedophile, if you’re wondering. He isn’t some sort of fourteen-year-old I happened to pick up (or kidnap, rather) one fine day. He is in fact, a teacher, teaching at the school I used to attend until I graduated a few weeks ago and he’s not fourteen, but fourteen years older than me.
“Ah, so you’ve noticed.” He smiled and sat down at the side of the bed, absent-mindedly stroking my hair before leaning in to kiss me gently. My cheeks showed a slight tint of red and he laughed.
“Someone’s feeling embarrassed.” He held my waist and hugged me briefly.
“Good morning, darling.” Kissing the side of my neck, I felt his hold tighten a little and I smiled before hugging him back.
“I was waiting for a greeting.” I ran my fingers through his gelled hair and leaned my face into his shoulder, thoroughly enjoying the moment.
“Jae?”
“Hmm?” I responded as I patted his back lightly, “What is it?”
“What the hell happened to my $200 alarm clock?” he asked slowly, venom lacing his voice. My eyes popped open and I pulled back, a sheepish smile tugging at my lips.
“Erm… well… you see…” I paused, trying to think of an excuse, “Oh Yunho, the sky is so clear today and the clouds are exceptionally poofy, don’t you agree?”
I don’t care if the word poofy isn’t in the Oxford Dictionary cause in my dictionary. Suck on that, bitches.
“Jung Jaejoong, what did you do?” Yunho hissed, his eyes closing into slits as he glared at me. I pouted poked my two index fingers together. (By the way, doing this means ‘gay sex’. Y’know, poking the two… things together? Yup yup? Okay.)
“I wanted to high-five it.”
“Bullshit. You whacked it, didn’t you! My poor alarm clock!” Yunho grabbed the stupid thing and hugged it, “It’s okay darling, he didn’t mean to do that. I’ll bring you to get your poor hand fixed tomorrow, okay baby? Shh… shh don’t cry…”
“Yah! Who’s your boyfriend, me or that… thing?” I was about to grab the stupid clock and throw it onto the ground before I felt that familiar wave of unpleasantness manoeuvre through me. I must have looked like an idiot with my mouth hung open like a goldfish and my hand held in front of me like some traffic man.
“Jae?”
“Crap. Gonna holler.” I managed to force out before I pushed Yunho aside and rushed to the toilet bowl, clutching the two sides of it as I let everything I had ate the day before, out. My stomach felt so queasy, oh god, save me! I’m going to die! I have some sort of incurable disease! God please don’t take me away yet, I have so many things I want to do, like find for Junsu a partner, get a sex tape of Changmin and Yoochun getting down and sell it to a porn website, steal all of Yunho’s credit cards and go for a shopping spree and the list goes on. I AM TOO GODDAMNED BEAUTIFUL TO DIE OKAY. I can’t die yet, I-
“Jae oh my god are you okay? Is it the morning sickness again? Is the baby alright? Are you feeling queasy? Do you need water? Food? I’ll go get it for you right now!” Yunho rushed to my side and patted my back soothingly.
Oops, it’s just morning sickness. Hey I forget that I’m pregnant sometimes okay, it’s not my fault!
“I’m fine, I’m fine. Talk any faster and you’ll soon find your name under Fastest Talker in the Guinness Book of Records.” I assured him, allowing him to wipe my mouth. He held onto me and helped me up to the sink to rinse my mouth, all the while stroking my back soothingly. I smiled to myself; this is one of the many reasons why I love him.
“Hey I’m just being concerned here,” he frowned, “Come, let’s go eat something.”
I looked at him sceptically, “You cooked?”
“What’s with that tone of voice, Jaebaby? You don’t trust my cooking?”
“No, not at all.”
“I’m hurt, boo.”
“Too bad.”
“That cut deep, real, real deep.”
“I don’t care.”
“Oh I feel faint! Jae, your words poison my love for you, how could you do this to me? After all we’ve been through!”
I rolled my eyes, “What have we been through?”
He paused, “Oh I don’t know, maybe an affair with you and a divorce with my wife?”
“I love you.”
“I know you do.” Yunho smiled and hugged me from behind, “Fret not princess, I bought some sandwiches from the convenience store down the road so you won’t have to worry about food poisoning so,” he rubbed my stomach, “our baby will grow up just fine.”
“You dork.” I gently hit him on the head, “Now let me go wash up, you clingy octopus.”
“Yes Your Highness, your wish is my command.” He gave a quick bow before he scooted out of the room, a goofy smile on his face. I rolled my eyes and smiled, amused.
After Yunho divorced Seulgi, his wife of slightly over a year, not more than a month ago and they sold their previous house since they found no more need for it. Seulgi decided to go overseas to work and start a new life while Yunho found the house too inconvenient. He thus decided to buy a new two-storey apartment which was near the school and my workplace, the little diner that I worked in.
I successfully got rid of that little irritating tuff of fly hair and after washing up, went downstairs to eat some breakfast which I sincerely hoped wouldn’t kill me in the process of trying to keep me alive.
“Is that a grilled cheese sandwich I smell?” I wondered out loud as I turned into the kitchen. Yunho, who was all ready for work in his smart white shirt and black pants, turned around and gave me a nod.
“I’m good right, Jae?” He asked as he cut the sandwich into half.
I nodded, “At heating food up in the microwave.”
“Jae!” He whined and gave me that typical ‘I am so cute, why aren’t you praising me’ face.
… I just barfed a mere five minutes ago and this stupid man already wants me to puke again by showing me that stupid face? Kill me now, just kill me now, what have I done to deserve this? Why?! Someone tell me why!
“Oh the food’s getting cold!” I blatantly ignored the dissatisfied look on his face as I turned away from him.
“Jae you don’t have to go to work today right?” Yunho asked from behind me. I turned around and before I knew it, his (motherfucking handsome) face was right in front of mine and I jumped slightly. Before I could protest or reply, he swiftly kissed my cheek.
“This is becoming habit, Jung Yunho.” I spoke, my mouth still full of mushy, icky, wushy cheese sandwich.
“You love it.” He retorted, “So anyway, shall I buy back some of your favourite champong? I know of a restaurant nearby which serves champong which is so good, it will make you less PMS-ish.”
“I AM NOT PMSING, YOU BITCH.” I shrieked and he laughed.
“Point proven. I’ll buy some back for you and we’ll eat dinner together,” He smiled to himself, “just like a married couple.”
I blushed heavily. Oh god this man sure does know how to make someone feel good.
… no I didn’t mean it that way.
“Your tie.” I looked at him, “Please learn how to tie it properly!”
Standing up, I grabbed the tip of his tie and quickly adjusted it to prevent him from looking like a retard any longer. I’m so nice, I deserve an award!
He smiled as he slipped on his shoes and flashed me that (motherfucking gorgeous oh my god I can’t take it anymore) smile of his, “Thanks Boo, I’ll be going now. See you tonight.”
“Why does that sound so wrong?”
He laughed and shook his head, “Bye.”
I leaned against the door frame and waved as he turned away and walked down the stairs, feeling happy because when there's a 'bye', there'll be a 'hello'.
No I take that back. In his case, it would just probably be a good round of kitchen sex.
-END
-Allie
Okay hello everybody /waves like a cow on drugs okay so I know this chapter isn't the best thing ever (In my opinion, it was fucking boring) but things will get more interesting, I promise ^~^ Oh god it feels so good writing Yunjae after so long /happy oh by the way did y'all see the teaser pics for #catchme? I bet the concept is s&m, I mean hello? Yunho was blindfolded wtfbbq! /tears hair out
This chapter is dedicated to my darling bb, yuniquekimchi♥ She is one of my favourite authors EVER and I love her fanfics like crazy so you can imagine how freaking happy I was when I found out that she read my fics too. I was flailing and screaming like a deranged fangirl, no joke. She is also the person who helped me with lj so I could post my fanfics here instead of aff (which crashes and lags like a menopausing bitch at times) So yeap bb, this chapter is for you!♥♥♥
[foreword]