Fic: Just for Now
This is what happens when there are no new episodes of Grey's Anatomy and I begin to suffer from withdrawl.
Title: Just for Now
Author: K
Pairing: Meredith/Derek
Word Count: 1151
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The problem with envy, Meredith decides, is that it stealthily affects everyone and everything at Seattle Grace. First in a series of seven.
Spoilers: Through 2x22, "Superstition."
The problem with envy, Meredith decides, is that it stealthily affects everyone and everything at Seattle Grace.
It's not an obvious problem apparent to any who care to look; it's one of those issues that forms in an instant and spreads rapidly, hitting those unlucky enough to have something - or someone, in Meredith's case - to envy. To be concise: envy sucks.
***
Sometimes, Meredith likes to pretend she's not insanely jealous of Addison Shepherd. That's actually a lie. Replace "sometimes" with "all the time" and Meredith's totally telling the truth. To herself. Because she'd never, ever tell a living soul about her envy, and Meredith kind of feels like she's dying a little bit whenever she's near Derek, so it's all good. Except for the part where it's all bad and Very Wrong Indeed, because Addison isn't a bad woman.
Rationally, Meredith knows and accepts this. She drinks the coffee Addison generously buys, and she smiles politely in elevators while secretly wishing the cable would snap and they'd plummet to their deaths just to end the awkwardness of the situation. Maybe that was overdramatic, Meredith thinks as she drags herself into the on-call room and collapses onto the bed, but the sentiment is the same: Meredith wants to die whenever she's stuck in a confined space with the wife of the object of her dirty-ex-mistress thoughts. Emphasis on the "ex," of course.
The door opens and slams against the wall as a harried voice calls, "Bailey is going to literally kick your ass if you're not back on your case in the next thirty seconds." Cristina doesn't look to see if Meredith's actually in the room until she's finished speaking, and then she's gone. The entire visit took place in less than ten seconds. Micro bursts of friendship. Cristina has them down to an art.
***
"This is what I don't understand," Alex says in greeting, sliding to the floor to sit next to Meredith, "I'm honest with Izzie and she dumps me. I tell George the truth and everyone hates me." She vaguely wonders why no one bothers to say a simple "hello" before they begin speaking. "I thought chicks were into honesty."
"Are you joking?" Meredith asks, turning her head to stare at him. Alex glares. She supposes he isn't. "You told Izzie she was in love with a corpse, Alex. A corpse. And then you go and call George a girl, and you expect-"
"Why are you defending him?" Alex interrupts. "He threw a hissy fit and turned everyone against you."
"It's not that simple," Meredith argues, but she isn't sure she even believes what she's saying. Maybe it really is that easy. Maybe George should be the one to apologize profusely. Maybe Meredith should stop staring blankly and listen to what Alex is actually saying.
"...so, I told her Denny's as good as dead. I don't know why she won't listen to reason," he finishes, and he's nearly yelling, his knuckles white as they grip his knees, and Meredith finally gets it.
"You're jealous," she states. "You're jealous and you took it out on George because it was easy." And then it hits her. She took it out on George because it was easy. She didn't have to yell at him or punch a locker, but she used him just as Alex did. She's jealous.
"We're fucked up," Alex says quietly, but there's a hint of a smile at the corners of his lips, like he finds this all amusing and not completely traumatizing. Meredith is having trouble with finding the humor in the situation. "Me and you. We're the same, and we're totally fucked." He snorts, shakes his head, and stands. "Let's go," he says, offering a hand to her. She takes it and stands, absently smoothing the wrinkles out of her scrubs, unsure of what to say, if anything. "Patients await," he says with that mini-smirk. Meredith just blinks and walks out the door.
***
Meredith is quite positive that Izzie is seriously losing her shit. It's subtle, though. Just little things, like the way she never stops talking about Denny and how she kind of gets these crazy eyes whenever someone mentions his condition. Little things. Maybe she's just falling for him. Then again, Meredith now deems falling for anyone within 10 miles of Seattle Grace as a clinically insane move.
"She threatened to kick my ass. Literally," Cristina says, taking a bite of her salad.
"Over Burke's cap," Meredith states.
"Over Burke's cap," Cristina confirms, nodding. "George must've told her about it."
"Do you think she's falling for him?" Meredith asks, breaking off a piece of her muffin.
"Denny?" Meredith nods. "Probably."
"This is bad," Meredith states.
"The muffin or Izzie?"
"Both." Meredith stands and tosses the muffin into the nearby trash can, adding, "I have to check on my patient." Cristina nods, already re-focused on her salad, and Meredith heads for the elevators, only to slam straight into Derek. "Crap," she says.
"Crap," he grins in return. Meredith hates it when he grins because she loves it. Meredith is insane.
"Hey," she blurts and attempts to smile. She fails. Derek looks concerned, and says as much. "I'm fine!" she says, all fake cheer and faker smile. "Patients to see, charts to fill, you know. Being an intern. Because I am. An intern." Shut up, self she desperately thinks. The bing of the arriving elevator saves her. "So, I'm going to go now."
Derek smiles. "Okay."
"Okay," she echoes, stepping back onto the elevator and onto someone's toes. "Sorry," she says, turning to the glaring nurse, and when she turns back the doors are closed.
***
She's sitting in the locker room when Izzie enters, grinning and holding a spool of wool. "Hi," she greets, and Meredith realizes it's the first proper greeting she's received that day and it's from possibly-crazy Izzie.
"Hi," she returns. "What's with the wool?"
"Oh," Izzie says, joining Meredith on the bench, "I'm making a sweater." She holds up her work and Meredith can't help but be impressed. "Are you okay?" Izzie asks, catching her off-guard.
"I ran into McDreamy," she says, and Izzie nods in understanding. "I'm cursed."
"You're not cursed," she smiles.
"Oh, really?"
"Really."
"George," Meredith states. There's a beat of silence before Izzie sighs.
"Yeah, you're cursed." Meredith shakes her head. Izzie's entire face lights up and Meredith feels slightly worried. "You should knit!"
"I don't knit," Meredith counters.
"You do now," Izzie says, dumping the materials into Meredith's lap. "No to men, yes to knitting."
"No to men, yes to knitting?" Izzie nods firmly, smiling. "No to men, yes to knitting," Meredith repeats. "Is this a vow of celibacy? Because it sounds like one."
"Pretty much, yeah."
A vow of celibacy. It sounds plausible, Meredith decides. Better than stewing in a pot of envy with a side of insanity, anyway.
Feedback would be wonderful! I'd love to hear what you think of the story so far.
Title: Just for Now
Author: K
Pairing: Meredith/Derek
Word Count: 1151
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The problem with envy, Meredith decides, is that it stealthily affects everyone and everything at Seattle Grace. First in a series of seven.
Spoilers: Through 2x22, "Superstition."
The problem with envy, Meredith decides, is that it stealthily affects everyone and everything at Seattle Grace.
It's not an obvious problem apparent to any who care to look; it's one of those issues that forms in an instant and spreads rapidly, hitting those unlucky enough to have something - or someone, in Meredith's case - to envy. To be concise: envy sucks.
***
Sometimes, Meredith likes to pretend she's not insanely jealous of Addison Shepherd. That's actually a lie. Replace "sometimes" with "all the time" and Meredith's totally telling the truth. To herself. Because she'd never, ever tell a living soul about her envy, and Meredith kind of feels like she's dying a little bit whenever she's near Derek, so it's all good. Except for the part where it's all bad and Very Wrong Indeed, because Addison isn't a bad woman.
Rationally, Meredith knows and accepts this. She drinks the coffee Addison generously buys, and she smiles politely in elevators while secretly wishing the cable would snap and they'd plummet to their deaths just to end the awkwardness of the situation. Maybe that was overdramatic, Meredith thinks as she drags herself into the on-call room and collapses onto the bed, but the sentiment is the same: Meredith wants to die whenever she's stuck in a confined space with the wife of the object of her dirty-ex-mistress thoughts. Emphasis on the "ex," of course.
The door opens and slams against the wall as a harried voice calls, "Bailey is going to literally kick your ass if you're not back on your case in the next thirty seconds." Cristina doesn't look to see if Meredith's actually in the room until she's finished speaking, and then she's gone. The entire visit took place in less than ten seconds. Micro bursts of friendship. Cristina has them down to an art.
***
"This is what I don't understand," Alex says in greeting, sliding to the floor to sit next to Meredith, "I'm honest with Izzie and she dumps me. I tell George the truth and everyone hates me." She vaguely wonders why no one bothers to say a simple "hello" before they begin speaking. "I thought chicks were into honesty."
"Are you joking?" Meredith asks, turning her head to stare at him. Alex glares. She supposes he isn't. "You told Izzie she was in love with a corpse, Alex. A corpse. And then you go and call George a girl, and you expect-"
"Why are you defending him?" Alex interrupts. "He threw a hissy fit and turned everyone against you."
"It's not that simple," Meredith argues, but she isn't sure she even believes what she's saying. Maybe it really is that easy. Maybe George should be the one to apologize profusely. Maybe Meredith should stop staring blankly and listen to what Alex is actually saying.
"...so, I told her Denny's as good as dead. I don't know why she won't listen to reason," he finishes, and he's nearly yelling, his knuckles white as they grip his knees, and Meredith finally gets it.
"You're jealous," she states. "You're jealous and you took it out on George because it was easy." And then it hits her. She took it out on George because it was easy. She didn't have to yell at him or punch a locker, but she used him just as Alex did. She's jealous.
"We're fucked up," Alex says quietly, but there's a hint of a smile at the corners of his lips, like he finds this all amusing and not completely traumatizing. Meredith is having trouble with finding the humor in the situation. "Me and you. We're the same, and we're totally fucked." He snorts, shakes his head, and stands. "Let's go," he says, offering a hand to her. She takes it and stands, absently smoothing the wrinkles out of her scrubs, unsure of what to say, if anything. "Patients await," he says with that mini-smirk. Meredith just blinks and walks out the door.
***
Meredith is quite positive that Izzie is seriously losing her shit. It's subtle, though. Just little things, like the way she never stops talking about Denny and how she kind of gets these crazy eyes whenever someone mentions his condition. Little things. Maybe she's just falling for him. Then again, Meredith now deems falling for anyone within 10 miles of Seattle Grace as a clinically insane move.
"She threatened to kick my ass. Literally," Cristina says, taking a bite of her salad.
"Over Burke's cap," Meredith states.
"Over Burke's cap," Cristina confirms, nodding. "George must've told her about it."
"Do you think she's falling for him?" Meredith asks, breaking off a piece of her muffin.
"Denny?" Meredith nods. "Probably."
"This is bad," Meredith states.
"The muffin or Izzie?"
"Both." Meredith stands and tosses the muffin into the nearby trash can, adding, "I have to check on my patient." Cristina nods, already re-focused on her salad, and Meredith heads for the elevators, only to slam straight into Derek. "Crap," she says.
"Crap," he grins in return. Meredith hates it when he grins because she loves it. Meredith is insane.
"Hey," she blurts and attempts to smile. She fails. Derek looks concerned, and says as much. "I'm fine!" she says, all fake cheer and faker smile. "Patients to see, charts to fill, you know. Being an intern. Because I am. An intern." Shut up, self she desperately thinks. The bing of the arriving elevator saves her. "So, I'm going to go now."
Derek smiles. "Okay."
"Okay," she echoes, stepping back onto the elevator and onto someone's toes. "Sorry," she says, turning to the glaring nurse, and when she turns back the doors are closed.
***
She's sitting in the locker room when Izzie enters, grinning and holding a spool of wool. "Hi," she greets, and Meredith realizes it's the first proper greeting she's received that day and it's from possibly-crazy Izzie.
"Hi," she returns. "What's with the wool?"
"Oh," Izzie says, joining Meredith on the bench, "I'm making a sweater." She holds up her work and Meredith can't help but be impressed. "Are you okay?" Izzie asks, catching her off-guard.
"I ran into McDreamy," she says, and Izzie nods in understanding. "I'm cursed."
"You're not cursed," she smiles.
"Oh, really?"
"Really."
"George," Meredith states. There's a beat of silence before Izzie sighs.
"Yeah, you're cursed." Meredith shakes her head. Izzie's entire face lights up and Meredith feels slightly worried. "You should knit!"
"I don't knit," Meredith counters.
"You do now," Izzie says, dumping the materials into Meredith's lap. "No to men, yes to knitting."
"No to men, yes to knitting?" Izzie nods firmly, smiling. "No to men, yes to knitting," Meredith repeats. "Is this a vow of celibacy? Because it sounds like one."
"Pretty much, yeah."
A vow of celibacy. It sounds plausible, Meredith decides. Better than stewing in a pot of envy with a side of insanity, anyway.
Feedback would be wonderful! I'd love to hear what you think of the story so far.