Fic: Let's Not Forget Ourselves
Is it Tuesday yet? Game 7 of the Lakers vs. Suns basketball play-offs is tonight, so I know VM won't be pre-empted this time! I've seen a couple of pictures from the finale (not exactly spoiler-ish, either), but other than that, I'm staying far, far away from spoilers. I want to be shocked/surpised/scared/etc. when appropriate!
Anyway, Grey's Anatomy fic! This is the sequel to A Lot of Things to Put Right.
Title: Let's Not Forget Ourselves
Author: K
Pairing: Meredith/Derek
Word Count: 1241
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She's wandering around blindly, banging into walls and mapping out the path as she goes. Sequel to A Lot of Things to Put Right.
Spoilers: Through the latest episode.
She loves Derek and sucks at knitting. This much Meredith knows. As for the rest? She's wandering around blindly, banging into walls and mapping out the path as she goes.
The first day after her revelation, she runs into that ortho-chick, Doctor Torres. Meredith blinks. It's four in the morning and maybe she's not actually awake, because why is there a strange doctor in her house? And then she corrects herself, because she's a strange doctor herself, and Izzie is kind of strange, too, and Meredith realizes she's just standing there and Callie is standing there and they're both standing and staring and it's really rather awkward as far as standing and staring go.
"Hey," Callie says, and Meredith just nods in confusion. She doesn't mean to come off as rude, but she's sure that's how Callie sees her because she gives her a look and goes into...George's room. Well. Meredith's brain finally decides to work, like, way to go, brain, and she understands that George must've moved back in. And slept with Callie. Officially. She stares at George's closed door for a second before heading downstairs.
***
"So, George moved back in," Meredith says to Izzie as they hurriedly follow Bailey through the hospital's halls.
"George moved back in," confirms Izzie, and she gives her a look, too, and Meredith wonders if she constantly emits awkward situation invitations.
"Guess he finally got over himself," Alex adds. Meredith supposes he did. She also supposes it's time for her to do the same.
***
Meredith's in the locker room, staring at her pseudo-sweater and debating whether or not giving Derek another pick me, choose me, love me speech is a good idea. It didn't exactly work out before, but she thinks she might be able to plan it better this time. But then she realizes that one doesn't plan desperate pleas for love from married attendings - they just happen, and someone ends up crying, alone, and depressed. Not that she would know anything about that.
"Why are you staring at a lump of wool?" Meredith jumps off the bench and turns to see Cristina leaning against a row of lockers, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.
"I'm knitting," Meredith says defensively. It's become her answer to everything. "How're things with McVet?" "I'm knitting." "Why are you such a self-absorbed, whiny bitch?" "I'm knitting." The word "knitting" is beginning to mean nothing to Meredith, like when you say a word so many times it loses all meaning and just becomes a sound.
"That's the product of all your knitting?" Cristina asks. Knitting, knitting, knitting. She walks over and grabs the object in question, examining it as Meredith did the day before. "How do you even put this on?" she questions, tossing it to Meredith.
"You don't," she sighs as she catches the not-sweater, opens her locker, and places the wool inside. She slams the door shut and faces Cristina, asking, "Would I be considered 'desperate' if I begged McDreamy to love me?"
"I thought you were knitting," Cristina says, and she sounds genuinely surprised, so Meredith thinks that maybe the whole "I'm knitting" response really worked.
"Seriously," Meredith counters, "would I become the crazy stalker intern that everyone gossips about?"
"Everyone already gossips about you," answers Cristina, "you don't need to have a dramatic confrontation with McDreamy to give them more material." She pauses, and Meredith knows Cristina's about to be Serious with her, which is a big enough deal to deserve a capital "S." "Not being over McDreamy? It's a bad idea, Meredith."
"But he's-"
"Don't. It can't end happily, and I feel obligated to tell you that I don't want to see you hurt again, and also that I will kill you if that ever leaves this room."
***
Meredith corners Derek as he's leaving the hospital.
She didn't ignore Cristina; she spent the entire day thinking - but not telling anyone, she doesn't really fancy dying at this point in time, thanks - about what was said in the locker room. The thing is, Meredith's a gambler. She knows there's a ninety-nine percent chance this will end horribly, but she's going for that one percent with all she has because that's just how she works and she can't change that; it's too late.
"Derek!" she calls, and he turns, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Meredith," he says. He sounds a little surprised, but other than that, she can't read him. She has no idea if it was a Hey, let's still be friends! "Meredith" or an I hate your guts, you dirty ex-mistress "Meredith." She rather hopes it was the former, although at this point, she's crazy enough to plow ahead even if it was the latter. Maybe she should've kept up the knitting.
"I'm not really seeing McFinn-" Meredith freezes. She just said McFinn. Who the hell is McFinn? She clearly threw her brain into the locker with her knitting. "Finn," she says, and decides it's best to leave it at that.
"That's - okay?" Derek says, like he's not entirely sure where she's going with this.
"I mean I saw him; we he had a baby horse - a horse had a baby horse - but we didn't have sex." She blinks. He blinks.
"Meredith-"
"I still love you." It comes out rushed and her voice cracks on "love" but it's finally out there. "I suck at knitting, and I really suck at being in an adult relationship, but I love you. So pick me, Derek." Meredith knows she's asking him to do something horrible, and she knows she's a rambling, selfish ex-mistress, but she needs him. He's her McDreamy, and she can't be Just Friends with her McDreamy.
Derek stares at her, and in that moment, he's an open book. She sees a million different emotions in his eyes and she wants to hug him, to kiss him, to drag him home and make him forget about everyone else in the entire universe, but she doesn't do anything. She stands bravely and meets his gaze, waiting for him to decide. He leans forward, and Meredith forgets how to breathe.
He kisses her forehead and murmurs, "Maybe someday. She's my wife, Meredith." He steps back and walks toward his car, leaving her standing there, staring after him like they're in some sort of television show where a musical montage of her walking home slowly and crying softly will follow this scene.
***
Meredith isn't sure how long she's been sitting on the bench outside the hospital when Cristina and Burke approach.
"Hey," Cristina says. She takes one look at Meredith and whispers something to Burke, who nods politely, smiles, and walks away in the direction of the parking lot. "You talked to McDreamy." It isn't a question, but Meredith nods anyway. Cristina sighs, sits next to her, and puts her arm around Meredith in what could only be considered a hug in Cristina's world.
***
She's on her bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering when "someday" will be. The door creaks open, and Izzie walks into the room, followed by George. Meredith sits up and stares from one to the other and doesn't say anything when they sit on either side of her. George doesn't make eye contact with her, but when he briefly pats her hand, Meredith thinks that maybe wandering along blindly and banging into walls isn't the worst path through life.
As always, feedback would be brilliant! Thank you for reading. :)
Anyway, Grey's Anatomy fic! This is the sequel to A Lot of Things to Put Right.
Title: Let's Not Forget Ourselves
Author: K
Pairing: Meredith/Derek
Word Count: 1241
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She's wandering around blindly, banging into walls and mapping out the path as she goes. Sequel to A Lot of Things to Put Right.
Spoilers: Through the latest episode.
She loves Derek and sucks at knitting. This much Meredith knows. As for the rest? She's wandering around blindly, banging into walls and mapping out the path as she goes.
The first day after her revelation, she runs into that ortho-chick, Doctor Torres. Meredith blinks. It's four in the morning and maybe she's not actually awake, because why is there a strange doctor in her house? And then she corrects herself, because she's a strange doctor herself, and Izzie is kind of strange, too, and Meredith realizes she's just standing there and Callie is standing there and they're both standing and staring and it's really rather awkward as far as standing and staring go.
"Hey," Callie says, and Meredith just nods in confusion. She doesn't mean to come off as rude, but she's sure that's how Callie sees her because she gives her a look and goes into...George's room. Well. Meredith's brain finally decides to work, like, way to go, brain, and she understands that George must've moved back in. And slept with Callie. Officially. She stares at George's closed door for a second before heading downstairs.
***
"So, George moved back in," Meredith says to Izzie as they hurriedly follow Bailey through the hospital's halls.
"George moved back in," confirms Izzie, and she gives her a look, too, and Meredith wonders if she constantly emits awkward situation invitations.
"Guess he finally got over himself," Alex adds. Meredith supposes he did. She also supposes it's time for her to do the same.
***
Meredith's in the locker room, staring at her pseudo-sweater and debating whether or not giving Derek another pick me, choose me, love me speech is a good idea. It didn't exactly work out before, but she thinks she might be able to plan it better this time. But then she realizes that one doesn't plan desperate pleas for love from married attendings - they just happen, and someone ends up crying, alone, and depressed. Not that she would know anything about that.
"Why are you staring at a lump of wool?" Meredith jumps off the bench and turns to see Cristina leaning against a row of lockers, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.
"I'm knitting," Meredith says defensively. It's become her answer to everything. "How're things with McVet?" "I'm knitting." "Why are you such a self-absorbed, whiny bitch?" "I'm knitting." The word "knitting" is beginning to mean nothing to Meredith, like when you say a word so many times it loses all meaning and just becomes a sound.
"That's the product of all your knitting?" Cristina asks. Knitting, knitting, knitting. She walks over and grabs the object in question, examining it as Meredith did the day before. "How do you even put this on?" she questions, tossing it to Meredith.
"You don't," she sighs as she catches the not-sweater, opens her locker, and places the wool inside. She slams the door shut and faces Cristina, asking, "Would I be considered 'desperate' if I begged McDreamy to love me?"
"I thought you were knitting," Cristina says, and she sounds genuinely surprised, so Meredith thinks that maybe the whole "I'm knitting" response really worked.
"Seriously," Meredith counters, "would I become the crazy stalker intern that everyone gossips about?"
"Everyone already gossips about you," answers Cristina, "you don't need to have a dramatic confrontation with McDreamy to give them more material." She pauses, and Meredith knows Cristina's about to be Serious with her, which is a big enough deal to deserve a capital "S." "Not being over McDreamy? It's a bad idea, Meredith."
"But he's-"
"Don't. It can't end happily, and I feel obligated to tell you that I don't want to see you hurt again, and also that I will kill you if that ever leaves this room."
***
Meredith corners Derek as he's leaving the hospital.
She didn't ignore Cristina; she spent the entire day thinking - but not telling anyone, she doesn't really fancy dying at this point in time, thanks - about what was said in the locker room. The thing is, Meredith's a gambler. She knows there's a ninety-nine percent chance this will end horribly, but she's going for that one percent with all she has because that's just how she works and she can't change that; it's too late.
"Derek!" she calls, and he turns, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Meredith," he says. He sounds a little surprised, but other than that, she can't read him. She has no idea if it was a Hey, let's still be friends! "Meredith" or an I hate your guts, you dirty ex-mistress "Meredith." She rather hopes it was the former, although at this point, she's crazy enough to plow ahead even if it was the latter. Maybe she should've kept up the knitting.
"I'm not really seeing McFinn-" Meredith freezes. She just said McFinn. Who the hell is McFinn? She clearly threw her brain into the locker with her knitting. "Finn," she says, and decides it's best to leave it at that.
"That's - okay?" Derek says, like he's not entirely sure where she's going with this.
"I mean I saw him; we he had a baby horse - a horse had a baby horse - but we didn't have sex." She blinks. He blinks.
"Meredith-"
"I still love you." It comes out rushed and her voice cracks on "love" but it's finally out there. "I suck at knitting, and I really suck at being in an adult relationship, but I love you. So pick me, Derek." Meredith knows she's asking him to do something horrible, and she knows she's a rambling, selfish ex-mistress, but she needs him. He's her McDreamy, and she can't be Just Friends with her McDreamy.
Derek stares at her, and in that moment, he's an open book. She sees a million different emotions in his eyes and she wants to hug him, to kiss him, to drag him home and make him forget about everyone else in the entire universe, but she doesn't do anything. She stands bravely and meets his gaze, waiting for him to decide. He leans forward, and Meredith forgets how to breathe.
He kisses her forehead and murmurs, "Maybe someday. She's my wife, Meredith." He steps back and walks toward his car, leaving her standing there, staring after him like they're in some sort of television show where a musical montage of her walking home slowly and crying softly will follow this scene.
***
Meredith isn't sure how long she's been sitting on the bench outside the hospital when Cristina and Burke approach.
"Hey," Cristina says. She takes one look at Meredith and whispers something to Burke, who nods politely, smiles, and walks away in the direction of the parking lot. "You talked to McDreamy." It isn't a question, but Meredith nods anyway. Cristina sighs, sits next to her, and puts her arm around Meredith in what could only be considered a hug in Cristina's world.
***
She's on her bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering when "someday" will be. The door creaks open, and Izzie walks into the room, followed by George. Meredith sits up and stares from one to the other and doesn't say anything when they sit on either side of her. George doesn't make eye contact with her, but when he briefly pats her hand, Meredith thinks that maybe wandering along blindly and banging into walls isn't the worst path through life.
As always, feedback would be brilliant! Thank you for reading. :)