Give me a reason, give me a chance
Well, now I have to make up for, what, four days? Anyway, Saturday I "celebrated" Yom Kippur and decided to fast--when I tried to explain to someone my reasoning (my self-identification as a Cashew), suddenly several people pointed out I could never be a Cashew because Judaism is matrilineal and Catholicism patrilineal, and stuff went down until finally I was about ready to say "I'm sorry you don't think people can be raised (in a sense) in both religions, but, well, here I am."
I want to write something about this later because for some reason that incident very much disturbed me.
Anyway, I fasted, which I hadn't done in a while, and it was hard. I did manage to get through it, however, and even cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed my room! I get so much more done when I don't stop to eat. Rainbow, Brooke, and I later went grocery shopping at Walmart and decided to see the 8:00 showing of "Resident Evil 4: Afterlife." Why go see a movie so many people consider crappy? I think it has something to do with how much we bonded over watching these movies, and they give us a chance to completely geek out over video games and Capcom and the horror survival genre. But anyhoodle. We came back, put our groceries away, and hauled ass all the way to a Japanese place across from the theater for dinner--it was way tasty, though I wonder if that had to do with none of us really eating the whole day (however I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who consciously elected to forego food). We then hauled ass to the theater and got to shout and laugh and scream random and somewhat obscene things at traffic while still in the car, like "In Englad the pedestrians yield to the driver, BITCHES!" We then ran up to the ticket booth, got our concessions (medium popcorn bag and cookie dough bites for me, thank you), and high-tailed it into the theater; we came in RIGHT when the previews were starting.
So Resident Evil 4, the movie? It is not good. If you want a cinematic masterpiece alongs the lines of "Citizen Kane" (which I have yet to see), then don't see this movie. However, if you just want some silly action fun, then go see it. Not that the movie itself tries to be silly, it's just we found parts funny if not confusing. We were surprised by how TENSE the movie was--I swear every two minutes we were going "OHMYGOD WHERE WILL THE ZOMBIES POP OUT FROM NEXT?!" which we'd never done in the last three. Also, Axeman? The giant guy with the nails in his head an a big-ass axe that has no real reason to be there? We're fairly convinced he's Pyramid Head's cousin, if not some relation. What we did like, however, was Claire Redfield's Crowning Moment of Awesome in this movie when she faced down Axeman and fought DEMONIC!Wesker with her brother. That's right, Chris Redfield shows up in this movie, played by Wentworth Miller, and he is smokin'...in that he is good looking and probably does one of the better acting jobs in the movie. His character always somehow seems slightly unhinged and continually creeped me out. All in all? See this movie for the shits and giggles, not for a serious attempt to rewrite the horror/action/survival genre.
Also, THERE IS AN UBER CLIFFHANGER. AGAIN. And possibly two more movies.
Driving home was more giggling and listening to Kamelot, Mozart, and Japanese rock--dorm room time was yoga until 1 in the morning and laundry until nearly 3.
Sunday had lovely weather; I just wish I had remembered to turn my alarms on so I could spend the day enjoying more of it. Oops. Well, I woke up around noon-ish? Dragged my bum through getting dressed and showered and lovely hygienic things, wasn't ready to leave until around 2--the time the dining hall closes--so I walked to Publix to pick up more groceries and stopped for a burrito and Pyrogrill along the way. Usually their service is pretty good, but that day it just sort of sucked for some reason; the guy who made my burrito was really nice and told me he had a friend who went to my college, but the cashier girl didn't bother to ask me if this was for here or to go, nor did she give me the bottled water I asked for, which was in the back; I paid for my order and she immediately just left the register and went in the back behind the kitchen doors. I stood around awkwardly, waiting for someone to come back out so I could request my water, but no one emerged from the doors. Eventually I just snuck behind the counter and took my water from the cooling unit. It was on my receipt and I paid for it, damn it. That, and their tables and booths were unusually dirty, like no one had bothered to go out and wipe them down for some time. I am sad, Pyrogrill. I like your food. What happened to your service?
Well, there was grocery shopping and stopping to read the backs of the books Publix has in their tiny, tiny paper goods section. Came back, groceries were put away, and then I spent some time with my freshman anthropology labmate puzzling over our write-up for anthropology lab...my brain was dead for most of the day, so while the write-up itself wasn't so bad, it was just horrible trying to drag my mind along behind it.
Monday I was sleepy for most of my Intro to Anthropology class--I didn't fall asleep, I was just tired. We took some notes about what certain observations of certain bones indicates, and at the very end of class we started the forensic anthropology lab. It was sort of funny, because there are three ways to measure the arches and angles of a pelvis to see if it's male or female, and for our first specimen one of my labmates took one look at it, indicated it was female, and moved on. I had to convince him to do the measurements so we had accurate and thorough evidence for our assumption. Pretty fun. Later that day I worked at the bookstore--there was some mess-up with packages my manager ordered so I got to take a trip to the mailroom for the first time! I had a dolly (which somehow in miscommunication became a trolley for a while), and managed to fit all the packages on it plus two lighter ones under my arm. Unfortunately I am not a high enough level to STEER the dolly properly; every time I thought I could clear the corner there was always one quarter inch that decided to ram into the wall. I think eventually the woman in the mailroom pitied me so much that she decided to steer the damn thing out of the room for me. I was fine the rest of the way, if not embarrassed but thankful. That night I had to read an article about domestic and sexual abuse against women for Women's Studies class, and I learned that (at the time the article was written) marital rape was not considered a crime in some states in the United States. I told a guy friend about this over the internet (as well as how not okay I was with this) and he said I wasn't thinking anthropologically. I told him I understood the cultural baggage of HOW this came about, but that still doesn't make it okay to me. I was surprised that his reaction was so cool--and that he said I wasn't thinking. I knew some reasons why people (I'm sorry for the vague definition of who "people" consists of) would consider this acceptable, but rape in general I am totally against. I'm usually open about culturally relativistic practices, but they all revolve around CHOOSING to participate in that ritual or take that course of action--rape does not involve consent. That is why it is rape. Sorry. The conversation upset me for a full fifteen minutes, which is kind of hard to do.
Tuesday...could have gone better. Woke up for Women's Studies and was almost late because one of my roomies (who never showers in the morning) decided to shower right when I usually do, which nearly mucked up my schedule--but worked out okay. Why couldn't I have just showered later, you ask? I'll get to that in a minute. Women's Studies class cheered me right up--I really do enjoy the class, even if it is a ton of work. My professor is so awesome, and I've learned about so many different types of feminisms (I think I can more or less self-identify as feminist by now). I ended up finally finishing the readings for my classes afterwards, and decided to lay down for a little because I didn't feel well and I wondered if I was coming down with the the cold that's going around, and...ended up sleeping through my Peoples of Latin America class. I swear I'm not usually that careless. Luckily I woke up on time for my Women in Islam class, where my group had to present first about a complex article and the use and definitions of agency through out it (MAHMOOD!). I answered two questions and kind of...sucked at it (THANK YOU LAUREN FOR SWOOPING IN AND SAVING MY BUTT SEVERAL TIMES). Or at least I thought I did. I felt so scatterbrained and nervous and intimidated, and, well, like shit for the rest of the class until Brenda (unknowingly?) gave me a small pep talk in the bathroom and I think my confidence went up about 50 points. It made the rest of the class much better. All in all it went quickly, and I'm learning I love the show "Little Mosque on the Prairie" (Canadian sitcom about a small Muslim community and family in a small town, and the tensions within the Muslim community and with the town's community). It's cute and funny as hell. The rest of the day was spent sitting with Brad, Rainbow, Richard, and Gina while waiting for tickets to Universal. I GOT A TICKET! Brooke did too, even though she came only a half hour before the sign-ups started at 10:30--I got there around 6:30-7-ish and there was already at least thirty people waiting. I was even semi-productive: I sat with Gina and we edited the piece we were working on together. Came back, did yoga until about 12:30, and then did homework and crawled into bed. I almost forgot! The weather was lovely last night, a little cooler, with a strong breeze. Autumn is here, and I am excited.
Got up today, showered, finished most of the lab work in Intro to Anthropology today, picked up readings for Women's Studies (looks interesting!) and wrote this.
Along the way, I have realized a few things:
1. Although I have no problem listening to other people and their problems, I feel incredibly restricted when expressing my own. I fear judgment, even from those I guess I'm close too, and I have a feeling my concerns would be shrugged off anyway. I feel silenced.
2. I have felt angry an awful lot lately. (I know that's not proper grammar.) I don't know why, and I don't like it. There is no point in being angry (especially for long periods of time) when you can put your energies to much better use elsewhere. I have a feeling it has something to do with feeling silenced.
3. My brain tends to operate on a level completely different from many (but not all) people I know--particularly my extended family. It was a rather isolating realization. (I can't compile months of information about agency, cultural identity discourse, gender identity discourse, and sexual identity discourse in one Facebook post.)
Today will be a better day. I have my Cassandra Clare book back, work at 4, and I should go to lunch now.
Oh! Before I forget, the song below and the title I'm quoting come from the song on this video (Heartbeat by Scouting for Girls):
Click to viewI can recognize most of the animes used in it (Ouran High School Host Club, Shugo Chara, Romeo x Juliet, Fullmetal Panic, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, Cardcaptor Sakura, Love Complex, Earl of Fairy), but there are other ones I wish I knew because I'd REALLY like to watch them. Like the couple where the girl has red hair and the guy has shaggy black hair and rides a motorbike.
Should I cancel out your overload of cute? Um, yes. You ready? You ready for a really good but very creepy anime music video? Well here, have your fill:
Roomie Rainbow showed me this and now I really, really want to see this show: Soul Eater (the song is a remake by Marilyn Manson, "This is Halloween").