Loyal/Love or Stupid... you tell me.
Who do I do these things? Let myself hope? Set myself up to be let down?
Translations:
When he says, "I'll work on it," he means, "I already know I can't but I don't want to let you down just yet."
When he says, "Sure," he means, "I don't want to say no, but I don't want to."
When he says, "I love you," he means... "I've never been in a relationship like this before so I'll go along with what you say instead of figuring out what I want and what's going on in my head."
I haven't seen him since October. He leaves January. I thought I'd see him at the staff Christmas party. After all, his brother is going, so it's not "wasting gas" like when I wanted to go take him to lunch. He should be there, right? Nope. ...Ok... So he leaves January. He told me he's required to write one letter a week, to his mother. Aside from that, he's not writing anybody. That includes me. So I'm going 91 days without hearing from him. At this point most girls would say "screw it" and leave the relationship. Either I'm very loyal, or very stupid. After the 91 days he's home for 10, which he already has planned out with visiting friends in Port Huron and Detroit and Warren... To get from his house to Detroit or Warren he has to pass my city. Am I on his list of people to visit? No. Again, I'm either very loyal or stupid, as most people would leave at this point. After those days he's off again, for who knows how long. So I'm looking at well over 6 months of not seeing him, about four months of not hearing from him... and from there I have no idea. Months? Years? I know it has to be hard for him, but I think I'm being more than reasonable. I want to spend some time with him. I want to see him before he goes. I'm willing to make the effort here. He seemingly isn't. But since he's the one leaving I'm supposed to be understanding? I'm trying to understand, but I don't understand how you can NOT MISS somebody you say you love. I don't understand how he has time to go turkey hunting, and you has time to go to a Christmas party 4 miles from my house, but he doesn't have time to drop in, or call, even to just say he loves me. Or just say hi. You'd think that with him leaving he'd want to make sure he got to say goodbye, but that doesn't seem to matter to him. I feel like I don't matter to him. I've tried mentioning this to him, I've tried telling him. He just says he can't change what's happening. He brushes it off. I know I tend to get dramatic, but I really think I deserve more than this. I deserve to be missed. I deserve to have somebody miss me while he's gone... Don't tell me I can do better. I don't WANT better- I want him. Ever since I found that something in him, I can't explain it, but I can't see myself without him, and I don't want to even think of it. But I think I'm getting the short end of the stick. It's a stick I intend to hold on to, though. I really feel like I'm getting cheated out of the whole "boyfriend-affection/miss-me-while-I'm-gone" thing. Maybe he'll be happy to hear from me in April. If he even bothers to call me when he gets home. :-\
I am very unsettled.
Translations:
When he says, "I'll work on it," he means, "I already know I can't but I don't want to let you down just yet."
When he says, "Sure," he means, "I don't want to say no, but I don't want to."
When he says, "I love you," he means... "I've never been in a relationship like this before so I'll go along with what you say instead of figuring out what I want and what's going on in my head."
I haven't seen him since October. He leaves January. I thought I'd see him at the staff Christmas party. After all, his brother is going, so it's not "wasting gas" like when I wanted to go take him to lunch. He should be there, right? Nope. ...Ok... So he leaves January. He told me he's required to write one letter a week, to his mother. Aside from that, he's not writing anybody. That includes me. So I'm going 91 days without hearing from him. At this point most girls would say "screw it" and leave the relationship. Either I'm very loyal, or very stupid. After the 91 days he's home for 10, which he already has planned out with visiting friends in Port Huron and Detroit and Warren... To get from his house to Detroit or Warren he has to pass my city. Am I on his list of people to visit? No. Again, I'm either very loyal or stupid, as most people would leave at this point. After those days he's off again, for who knows how long. So I'm looking at well over 6 months of not seeing him, about four months of not hearing from him... and from there I have no idea. Months? Years? I know it has to be hard for him, but I think I'm being more than reasonable. I want to spend some time with him. I want to see him before he goes. I'm willing to make the effort here. He seemingly isn't. But since he's the one leaving I'm supposed to be understanding? I'm trying to understand, but I don't understand how you can NOT MISS somebody you say you love. I don't understand how he has time to go turkey hunting, and you has time to go to a Christmas party 4 miles from my house, but he doesn't have time to drop in, or call, even to just say he loves me. Or just say hi. You'd think that with him leaving he'd want to make sure he got to say goodbye, but that doesn't seem to matter to him. I feel like I don't matter to him. I've tried mentioning this to him, I've tried telling him. He just says he can't change what's happening. He brushes it off. I know I tend to get dramatic, but I really think I deserve more than this. I deserve to be missed. I deserve to have somebody miss me while he's gone... Don't tell me I can do better. I don't WANT better- I want him. Ever since I found that something in him, I can't explain it, but I can't see myself without him, and I don't want to even think of it. But I think I'm getting the short end of the stick. It's a stick I intend to hold on to, though. I really feel like I'm getting cheated out of the whole "boyfriend-affection/miss-me-while-I'm-gone" thing. Maybe he'll be happy to hear from me in April. If he even bothers to call me when he gets home. :-\
I am very unsettled.