(fic)
+ 너를 그리워요.(I Miss You) (☆) WooGyu ㅣ Rated R(mentions of sex/cussing) ㅣ angst ㅣ 2k
(Woohyun's wanted and wanted since he's meet Sunggyu, and he'll probably keep wanting for the rest of his life.)
☆;
Woohyun's walking through the crowd, ever so often bumping into someone.
He's back. He's back and he's not sure if he wants to turn around and leave again, but his feet keep carrying him forward, away from safe. His breathing a little unstable, almost as if ready to quicken if he sees him. And he's praying to the good lord that let today not be that day.
He's back, in a small town he learned to grow up in, and if it weren't for old ties, he would've never came back, rather be in his lonely flat, now his home, in a big enough city to not run into people he use to know, not like here.
So he's walking, not really sure where he's heading to, but he's watching life pass by him, and then he's stopping short, slowly glancing off to the side because, in place of the cafe he use to go to after school with Sunggyu, is a small bookstore but the irony cuts him deep as he's staring, past the book shelves, and into the moments of their past friendship.
("Hey, Nam, lend me your boxers.")
("See my fist? It's gonna pull a disappearing act by going up your ass, you dick.")
("Woohyun, you idiot, bros before hoes gatdammit.")
Woohyun's lost to a game that was never played, and he's staring at a bookstore not because their cafe is suppose to be there, but because this bookstore feels like there's a piece of him in it and it's overwhelming, it's like he belongs there, calling out to him for him to come in.
and it's only because it reminds him of Sunggyu. And he must be a fucking idiot who never learns because he's walking in, the bell signaling a new arrival along with him. He glances around briefly, before heading to the children's section because he hasn't grown up and if someone he knew back then was here, he wouldn't run into them there.
He's walking pass magazines, fictions and do it yourself section before finally getting to the children's section, and the small section is empty, but nonetheless , it's surround by books anyone his age(or older)(by one year) wouldn't be looking for.
So he settles down, pulls out green eggs and hams because that was the shit in his younger days, and starts reading. And it's hard, not to want to go back to being young because all he'd ever cried or hurt over was if he ran out of cookies or his juice box was out of juice, or if the teacher still said he was too old for naps(pffft. Like she fucking knew anything, please).
And he's so into the book, forgets it's a bookstore that has living employees that don't greet him when he walks in, that he's startled out of his mind when,
"Woohyun?" Breaks the silence. And shit, fucking hell, because he's staring up into light brown eyes and he's shaking, flashes of memories whirling around his head,
and goodbye. Goodbye.
Woohyun really wasn't one for drinking, not because of the bitter taste that it has to it, but the effects. Shit lets you forget who you are and who you're with and secrets be damned because you're about to fucking tell everyone.
He shakes his head, or thinks he is, trying one last time to clear it because he's slurring constants and vowels into one, and walking his way ziggy zagged styled #swag. Shit, did that lamp post just fucking turn into siamese twins or what.
"Sjzbdhsbhd" so Sunggyu tries verbalizing instead, because Woohyun failed but Sunggyu did a worse job than him, at least Woohyun said "fuck" right.
"Your drunk, Sunggyu," he says, "go to you're home." Yeah, well, he tried. His drunk is his so okay yeah, it can work, but not sure about his home being you are but Woohyun is too drunk to care so he thinks fuck it, he can deal.
Until Sunggyu pouts, says "no" but sounds more like a whale crying, then decides "omgggg suquealsssss Woohyun has a shoulder and i have a tired chin let me rest it on it' then precedes to do so.
Woohyun can't deal no more.
Because Sunggyu is warm, home and everything good.
Woohyun's back is pressed against Sunggyu's front and Woohyun isn't so drunk anymore, instead he's breathing hard and
"Woohyunnie, you're so good to me..." has him wanting to shit bricks and throw up glitter everywhere. "and im just shit who keeps being a dick to you.." and he can practically hear the pout in his voice, but it's what he says next that sends him off,
"Why do you keep coming back, Woohyun?" Sunggyu sounds tired, almost resentful. but Woohyun can't bring himself to say a damn word, his mouth caught in the lodge in his throat. And then Sunggyu's gone, Woohyun missed his chance, but he says fuck it and,
"Because you're someone I want to be with, hyung."
His heart is about to pop out of his chest and do a race around the world right now because the one guy he never wanted to see again, is right here in front of him.
"Can we talk?"
And he wants to talk.
☆;
He's leaning against the wall, almost afraid to stand upright because if he does he'd go running and he's pretty Sunggyu would kill him if he ran away a second time without a word.
They're in the alley behind the bookstore, and it's well into evening so it's dark enough to not be seen, but he kinda wishes not because Sunggyu's staring at him with this weird expression, so he stares back. He keeps staring, wanting because Sunggyu is right here but then Sunggyu stretches his hand outwards, smiling like a little shit, but woohyun shallows thickly, glancing wearily at his hand as,
"Why do you keep coming back, Woohyun?"
"Because you're someone I want to be with, hyung." Flashes in his mind.
Sunggyu hadn't heard him that day, his confession had fallen on deaf ears, as Sunggyu dreamt the night away, but it's now been three years, 500 days, 16 hours and some odd number of seconds that he had never been able to keep up with since he last seen Sunggyu. And it upsets him, brothers him because he's thinking of the way Sunggyu had smelt to him, and with a start, he realizes that after all these years, he hasn't forgotten. Seconds he never dealt with, finally catching up to him. He wants to forget what it felt like to fall in love with sixteen year old Sunggyu, and how it felt to spend too many hours idolizing the guy before waking up after a drunk spur with him to realize Sunggyu would never want him the way his dreams played out. Took Woohyun four years to find that out, and another three before he stopped hoping, letting the ache settle into heartbreak. And Sunggyu's here, with his stomach flopping smile of his, all real and not just some hologram shell his mind conjures up during his dreams. And if Woohyun reaches out, out towards the hand stretching his way, he'd feel the soft, warmth beneath his own, warmth that still leaves him aching after all these years, even if that ache became heartbreak sometime ago. But they're not strangers, just two people who went through life on rocky roads and shaking hands won't fix it, no matter how much the want is reflecting in the light orbs staring back at him.
Woohyun wants to fix it, too.
But Woohyun also wants to memorize every part of skin on Sunggyu's body the way his lover should, and shaking hands won't fix any of this, or make the want any less. Woohyun's wanted and wanted since he's meet Sunggyu, and he'll probably keep wanting for the rest of his life. He has an obsessive personality when it comes to this. When it comes to love. He doesn't give his heart to just anyone, he doesn't set it high up to watch it fall back down, he sets it up to watch it grow, and Sunggyu's given him plenty of time to let it grow, and Woohyun's too far-gone now to just go back to pretending to be Sunggyu's best friend, the guy he can count on to always be there for him. He's past that stage now, and shaking hands won't take them back.
"I know you think.." Sunggyu's speaking, his voice sounding the same like back then, just a bit deeper since he's an adult now,but he stops short because he's conflicted, doesn't know what to say to make it right, and as he shakes his head, Woohyun knows it's been late to fix whatever this is now. "Shaking hands..." and he wants to laugh over the hollow feeling in his chest because a speechless Sunggyu is one he never saw quite often back then. But he doesn't.
"Yah, just fucking shake my hand already, asshole." He's irritated, glowering at his best friend but Woohyun's always been a little shit so,
"why?" Is his genius remark.
"Why?" Sunggyu's scoffing, looking like Woohyun's this work of art and really, Woohyun knows he was probably a model in his past life, for him not to be one in this, even if Sunggyu was more or less staring at him like he was a complete retard. But Sunggyu's got this look in his eyes, rethinking what he was going to say and Woohyun, he almost wants to run the other way because Sunggyu's too cutthroat to rethink anything he says. So he's shiting bricks when Sunggyu says,
"Because I want us to start over."
But you can't, because then life would never go on with all these second chances, and he's about to voice this aloud, but Sunggyu cuts him off. Completely. Protests and all.
"Stop overthinking it, no, stop, just stop." He's fidgeting and Sunggyu only fidgets when he's got something huge he wants to say and if the feeling of wanting to run away earlier was big to him then, it comes back ten folds, stealing his breath. "I don't mean to go all the way back, to how we were because I was stupid and I.."
He's glancing up for a moment, biting his lip and Woohyun is just almost floored by all of this, the hollow shell in his chest aches so bad, and he's not understanding how something empty aches but it is.
But now he's staring back into Woohyun's eyes, full on, determined and all. "Going back would mean me being oblivious and you hurting, and, Woohyun, I want you. All the parts you thought i would never want, I want every single piece of you I would've had if you told me when I was sixteen, and that it was alright to want you in that way, because you felt it too, and I want you so bad I'm terrified it's too late and you'll just reject me-"
He's kissing him.
Wooohyun's kissing Sunggyu, taking all the things that's belonged to him since he was fifteen, and Sunggyu sixteen. Exploring Sunggyu's mouth with his tongue and the thought of this going too fast crosses his mind, but Woohyun's been waiting seven years for this, that's enough slow to last them a lifetime, so he crushes Sunggyu's body against his own, mouth feverishly set on Sunggyu's, and Woohyun's shaking, shaking with built up want, want that has never stopped growing.
and it registers, the thought of how well, how perfect Sunggyu fits snug against his body before he's losing his thoughts, and everything else, set on anything Sunggyu.
A sign escapes Sunggyu, and Woohyun wants more, when it comes to Sunggyu, he'll always want more, and now he can get it, so he crashes Sunggyu against the wall next to him, tearing his mouth apart from his to trail down to his neck, his thigh rubbing against Sunggyu's clothed dick. He's making all these keen noises, bucking against Woohyun, begging for him to take him against this wall.
So he does.
People be damned.
Woohyun wags his dick, giving a shake or two for good measure before tucking himself back in. "I dunno, babe," he says, easy how the endearment falls between them. "You sure you don't want that second round?"
He's shameless, still holding onto his dick incase he gets the okay. Sunggyu's giving him this wicked fucking smile and he thinks fuck, if he wasn't fucked then, he sure as hell is now.
"I dunno, babe," Sunggyu's mimicking him, but he's thinking about how nice those red lips of his would look stretched around his cock. "Can you handle me a second time?"
Pffffft. More than you know, babe. More than you know.
☆;
"Why do you keep coming back, woohyun?" Sunggyu sounds tired, almost resentful. but Woohyun can't bring himself to say a damn word, his mouth caught in the lodge in his throat. And then Sunggyu's gone, woohyun missed his chance, but he says fuck it and,
"Because you're someone I want to be with, hyung."
Woohyun's close to crying, hurting because if he loses Sunggyu, his home, he doesn't know, wouldn't know where to go.
He slowly turns around, heart lodged in his throat, facing sunggyu. Except Sunggyu isnt there, not upright that is, he's on the floor, sleeping, in a land where Woohyun's words won't ever reach him anymore, so he bends down, picks up Sunggyu in his arms. He keeps walking towards their flat, but Sunggyu is warmth, home in a way that flashes of a life with Sunggyu overwhelms his mind, he's struck by how much he wants that life.
Middle aged men working hard for their keep.
Half a century year old men, creases of a well lived life around their mouths.
Old, old men where beauty isn't out anymore, but within.
And Woohyun sees it all with this man he met years ago,
So he runs.
because he knows he'll never be able to go back to just being Sunggyu's best friend.
(Woohyun's wanted and wanted since he's meet Sunggyu, and he'll probably keep wanting for the rest of his life.)
☆;
Woohyun's walking through the crowd, ever so often bumping into someone.
He's back. He's back and he's not sure if he wants to turn around and leave again, but his feet keep carrying him forward, away from safe. His breathing a little unstable, almost as if ready to quicken if he sees him. And he's praying to the good lord that let today not be that day.
He's back, in a small town he learned to grow up in, and if it weren't for old ties, he would've never came back, rather be in his lonely flat, now his home, in a big enough city to not run into people he use to know, not like here.
So he's walking, not really sure where he's heading to, but he's watching life pass by him, and then he's stopping short, slowly glancing off to the side because, in place of the cafe he use to go to after school with Sunggyu, is a small bookstore but the irony cuts him deep as he's staring, past the book shelves, and into the moments of their past friendship.
("Hey, Nam, lend me your boxers.")
("See my fist? It's gonna pull a disappearing act by going up your ass, you dick.")
("Woohyun, you idiot, bros before hoes gatdammit.")
Woohyun's lost to a game that was never played, and he's staring at a bookstore not because their cafe is suppose to be there, but because this bookstore feels like there's a piece of him in it and it's overwhelming, it's like he belongs there, calling out to him for him to come in.
and it's only because it reminds him of Sunggyu. And he must be a fucking idiot who never learns because he's walking in, the bell signaling a new arrival along with him. He glances around briefly, before heading to the children's section because he hasn't grown up and if someone he knew back then was here, he wouldn't run into them there.
He's walking pass magazines, fictions and do it yourself section before finally getting to the children's section, and the small section is empty, but nonetheless , it's surround by books anyone his age(or older)(by one year) wouldn't be looking for.
So he settles down, pulls out green eggs and hams because that was the shit in his younger days, and starts reading. And it's hard, not to want to go back to being young because all he'd ever cried or hurt over was if he ran out of cookies or his juice box was out of juice, or if the teacher still said he was too old for naps(pffft. Like she fucking knew anything, please).
And he's so into the book, forgets it's a bookstore that has living employees that don't greet him when he walks in, that he's startled out of his mind when,
"Woohyun?" Breaks the silence. And shit, fucking hell, because he's staring up into light brown eyes and he's shaking, flashes of memories whirling around his head,
and goodbye. Goodbye.
Woohyun really wasn't one for drinking, not because of the bitter taste that it has to it, but the effects. Shit lets you forget who you are and who you're with and secrets be damned because you're about to fucking tell everyone.
He shakes his head, or thinks he is, trying one last time to clear it because he's slurring constants and vowels into one, and walking his way ziggy zagged styled #swag. Shit, did that lamp post just fucking turn into siamese twins or what.
"Sjzbdhsbhd" so Sunggyu tries verbalizing instead, because Woohyun failed but Sunggyu did a worse job than him, at least Woohyun said "fuck" right.
"Your drunk, Sunggyu," he says, "go to you're home." Yeah, well, he tried. His drunk is his so okay yeah, it can work, but not sure about his home being you are but Woohyun is too drunk to care so he thinks fuck it, he can deal.
Until Sunggyu pouts, says "no" but sounds more like a whale crying, then decides "omgggg suquealsssss Woohyun has a shoulder and i have a tired chin let me rest it on it' then precedes to do so.
Woohyun can't deal no more.
Because Sunggyu is warm, home and everything good.
Woohyun's back is pressed against Sunggyu's front and Woohyun isn't so drunk anymore, instead he's breathing hard and
"Woohyunnie, you're so good to me..." has him wanting to shit bricks and throw up glitter everywhere. "and im just shit who keeps being a dick to you.." and he can practically hear the pout in his voice, but it's what he says next that sends him off,
"Why do you keep coming back, Woohyun?" Sunggyu sounds tired, almost resentful. but Woohyun can't bring himself to say a damn word, his mouth caught in the lodge in his throat. And then Sunggyu's gone, Woohyun missed his chance, but he says fuck it and,
"Because you're someone I want to be with, hyung."
His heart is about to pop out of his chest and do a race around the world right now because the one guy he never wanted to see again, is right here in front of him.
"Can we talk?"
And he wants to talk.
☆;
He's leaning against the wall, almost afraid to stand upright because if he does he'd go running and he's pretty Sunggyu would kill him if he ran away a second time without a word.
They're in the alley behind the bookstore, and it's well into evening so it's dark enough to not be seen, but he kinda wishes not because Sunggyu's staring at him with this weird expression, so he stares back. He keeps staring, wanting because Sunggyu is right here but then Sunggyu stretches his hand outwards, smiling like a little shit, but woohyun shallows thickly, glancing wearily at his hand as,
"Why do you keep coming back, Woohyun?"
"Because you're someone I want to be with, hyung." Flashes in his mind.
Sunggyu hadn't heard him that day, his confession had fallen on deaf ears, as Sunggyu dreamt the night away, but it's now been three years, 500 days, 16 hours and some odd number of seconds that he had never been able to keep up with since he last seen Sunggyu. And it upsets him, brothers him because he's thinking of the way Sunggyu had smelt to him, and with a start, he realizes that after all these years, he hasn't forgotten. Seconds he never dealt with, finally catching up to him. He wants to forget what it felt like to fall in love with sixteen year old Sunggyu, and how it felt to spend too many hours idolizing the guy before waking up after a drunk spur with him to realize Sunggyu would never want him the way his dreams played out. Took Woohyun four years to find that out, and another three before he stopped hoping, letting the ache settle into heartbreak. And Sunggyu's here, with his stomach flopping smile of his, all real and not just some hologram shell his mind conjures up during his dreams. And if Woohyun reaches out, out towards the hand stretching his way, he'd feel the soft, warmth beneath his own, warmth that still leaves him aching after all these years, even if that ache became heartbreak sometime ago. But they're not strangers, just two people who went through life on rocky roads and shaking hands won't fix it, no matter how much the want is reflecting in the light orbs staring back at him.
Woohyun wants to fix it, too.
But Woohyun also wants to memorize every part of skin on Sunggyu's body the way his lover should, and shaking hands won't fix any of this, or make the want any less. Woohyun's wanted and wanted since he's meet Sunggyu, and he'll probably keep wanting for the rest of his life. He has an obsessive personality when it comes to this. When it comes to love. He doesn't give his heart to just anyone, he doesn't set it high up to watch it fall back down, he sets it up to watch it grow, and Sunggyu's given him plenty of time to let it grow, and Woohyun's too far-gone now to just go back to pretending to be Sunggyu's best friend, the guy he can count on to always be there for him. He's past that stage now, and shaking hands won't take them back.
"I know you think.." Sunggyu's speaking, his voice sounding the same like back then, just a bit deeper since he's an adult now,but he stops short because he's conflicted, doesn't know what to say to make it right, and as he shakes his head, Woohyun knows it's been late to fix whatever this is now. "Shaking hands..." and he wants to laugh over the hollow feeling in his chest because a speechless Sunggyu is one he never saw quite often back then. But he doesn't.
"Yah, just fucking shake my hand already, asshole." He's irritated, glowering at his best friend but Woohyun's always been a little shit so,
"why?" Is his genius remark.
"Why?" Sunggyu's scoffing, looking like Woohyun's this work of art and really, Woohyun knows he was probably a model in his past life, for him not to be one in this, even if Sunggyu was more or less staring at him like he was a complete retard. But Sunggyu's got this look in his eyes, rethinking what he was going to say and Woohyun, he almost wants to run the other way because Sunggyu's too cutthroat to rethink anything he says. So he's shiting bricks when Sunggyu says,
"Because I want us to start over."
But you can't, because then life would never go on with all these second chances, and he's about to voice this aloud, but Sunggyu cuts him off. Completely. Protests and all.
"Stop overthinking it, no, stop, just stop." He's fidgeting and Sunggyu only fidgets when he's got something huge he wants to say and if the feeling of wanting to run away earlier was big to him then, it comes back ten folds, stealing his breath. "I don't mean to go all the way back, to how we were because I was stupid and I.."
He's glancing up for a moment, biting his lip and Woohyun is just almost floored by all of this, the hollow shell in his chest aches so bad, and he's not understanding how something empty aches but it is.
But now he's staring back into Woohyun's eyes, full on, determined and all. "Going back would mean me being oblivious and you hurting, and, Woohyun, I want you. All the parts you thought i would never want, I want every single piece of you I would've had if you told me when I was sixteen, and that it was alright to want you in that way, because you felt it too, and I want you so bad I'm terrified it's too late and you'll just reject me-"
He's kissing him.
Wooohyun's kissing Sunggyu, taking all the things that's belonged to him since he was fifteen, and Sunggyu sixteen. Exploring Sunggyu's mouth with his tongue and the thought of this going too fast crosses his mind, but Woohyun's been waiting seven years for this, that's enough slow to last them a lifetime, so he crushes Sunggyu's body against his own, mouth feverishly set on Sunggyu's, and Woohyun's shaking, shaking with built up want, want that has never stopped growing.
and it registers, the thought of how well, how perfect Sunggyu fits snug against his body before he's losing his thoughts, and everything else, set on anything Sunggyu.
A sign escapes Sunggyu, and Woohyun wants more, when it comes to Sunggyu, he'll always want more, and now he can get it, so he crashes Sunggyu against the wall next to him, tearing his mouth apart from his to trail down to his neck, his thigh rubbing against Sunggyu's clothed dick. He's making all these keen noises, bucking against Woohyun, begging for him to take him against this wall.
So he does.
People be damned.
Woohyun wags his dick, giving a shake or two for good measure before tucking himself back in. "I dunno, babe," he says, easy how the endearment falls between them. "You sure you don't want that second round?"
He's shameless, still holding onto his dick incase he gets the okay. Sunggyu's giving him this wicked fucking smile and he thinks fuck, if he wasn't fucked then, he sure as hell is now.
"I dunno, babe," Sunggyu's mimicking him, but he's thinking about how nice those red lips of his would look stretched around his cock. "Can you handle me a second time?"
Pffffft. More than you know, babe. More than you know.
☆;
"Why do you keep coming back, woohyun?" Sunggyu sounds tired, almost resentful. but Woohyun can't bring himself to say a damn word, his mouth caught in the lodge in his throat. And then Sunggyu's gone, woohyun missed his chance, but he says fuck it and,
"Because you're someone I want to be with, hyung."
Woohyun's close to crying, hurting because if he loses Sunggyu, his home, he doesn't know, wouldn't know where to go.
He slowly turns around, heart lodged in his throat, facing sunggyu. Except Sunggyu isnt there, not upright that is, he's on the floor, sleeping, in a land where Woohyun's words won't ever reach him anymore, so he bends down, picks up Sunggyu in his arms. He keeps walking towards their flat, but Sunggyu is warmth, home in a way that flashes of a life with Sunggyu overwhelms his mind, he's struck by how much he wants that life.
Middle aged men working hard for their keep.
Half a century year old men, creases of a well lived life around their mouths.
Old, old men where beauty isn't out anymore, but within.
And Woohyun sees it all with this man he met years ago,
So he runs.
because he knows he'll never be able to go back to just being Sunggyu's best friend.