things have changed
back to my old self it looks like. This should be a good change considering everything.
it looks like I will be in west Virginia for x-mas visiting family, oh joy.
I hope that everything will work out better over winter break compared to this last week at home. and if nothing else I will have new years eve to look forward to with Whit. and then the new years eve party with jenna, paul, and whoever else we can get on the 5th. yes we are having a party for the new year after the new year, this is because jenna will still be on vacation south of the border.
I would usually be concerned with what people think, but I wouldn't really change what I did, but lately I have just been going along with anything *as long as its not illegal* they want. its much easier that way. I just can't find anything that I like about myself. other people apparently see things they like with me, and I am glad, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel worthy of being happy. yes I know I sound nuts. no i don't care.
its easier to not care about myself than it is to always hurt.
It look me about 6 years to start feeling emotions halfway correctly, and I am starting to regret it.
the status quo has changed, I've gone back to being a doormat. if this upsets anyone, then just tell me at some point what you want me to be, and i will do the best I can to accommodate you.
with no expectations...
-Jonathan
it looks like I will be in west Virginia for x-mas visiting family, oh joy.
I hope that everything will work out better over winter break compared to this last week at home. and if nothing else I will have new years eve to look forward to with Whit. and then the new years eve party with jenna, paul, and whoever else we can get on the 5th. yes we are having a party for the new year after the new year, this is because jenna will still be on vacation south of the border.
I would usually be concerned with what people think, but I wouldn't really change what I did, but lately I have just been going along with anything *as long as its not illegal* they want. its much easier that way. I just can't find anything that I like about myself. other people apparently see things they like with me, and I am glad, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel worthy of being happy. yes I know I sound nuts. no i don't care.
its easier to not care about myself than it is to always hurt.
It look me about 6 years to start feeling emotions halfway correctly, and I am starting to regret it.
the status quo has changed, I've gone back to being a doormat. if this upsets anyone, then just tell me at some point what you want me to be, and i will do the best I can to accommodate you.
with no expectations...
-Jonathan