(no subject)
Title: History
Rating: R... hard R
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Pairings: 2U, yunjae, past!horella
Warnings: language
A/N: Dedicated to Nikki from twitter even though she hates 2U
Summary: Yoochun is dating Yunho but he can't help but be suspicious about his boyfriend's relationship with their fellow bandmate, Jaejoong.
prologue chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4 chapter 5 chapter 6 chapter 7 chapter 8 chapter 9 chapter 10 chapter 11 chapter 12 chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Yunho was tired.
Everything that he had ever done in the past years even before debut had finally caught up to him. When Heechul broke up with him Yunho felt as if his castle of cards had fell: it was annoying, but he could just gather them all together again. This time, even without an official word of breaking up from Yoochun, Yunho felt instead as if the entire floor was removed from under him. He felt something so heavy in his heart, an emotion so raw that it ate at him.
Was it regret? Maybe it would be more apt to call it remorse. He felt remorse for everything he’s ever done and anyone he’d ever mistreated. Heechul was hurting and so was Jaejoong but he never really truly took into account their feelings or sympathized with what they felt. And now that it was he whose heart twisted painfully in his chest all he could do was think about how miserable and wretched he was.
He wanted to beat at himself for all the mistakes he had made but Yunho knew he had no right to. He made others hurt and no matter how much pain he felt right then at that moment what did it compare to that which he had inflicted upon the others. Especially, Yoochun, who he never wanted to hurt in the first place.
Yunho spent his hours in Korea working like a robot, ignoring the throbbing pain in his heart. He couldn’t go around feeling like he was sorry for himself. He knew that. The words Jaejoong shouted to him in the kitchen that morning swirled tauntingly in his mind.
“You’re so selfish! You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You don’t care about Micky and you don’t care about me.”
And Jaejoong was right. If Yunho cared about them how could he do this to them? His words did not match his actions and now Yunho had to pay for it.
Yunho didn’t feel he deserved to be forgiven even if Yoochun would have him. He never properly atoned for his past sins anyway, starting from Heechul and never heeding his warning to not get too close to Jaejoong. And then continuing with Jaejoong and never leading him on the way that he did; because, truly that’s what he did even if he hadn’t realized it.
Heechul had loved him and gave him a chance that at the time wasn’t offered to just anyone. Heechul was a prize; the diamond of the trainees. He was beautiful, but he had a spunk that kept things interested. Many of them were interested in Heechul at the time but it was Yunho who broke through and it was Yunho he gave himself to. He wanted commitment. That’s all he ever wanted, he never asked for anything else, just to know that Yunho’s eyes were only on him. Yunho failed him.
Then there was Jaejoong. Jaejoong was the best friend he needed at the right time, coming into Seoul. It was no exaggeration to call him on some level his other half, but Yunho wasn’t in the position to fill the role in the way Jaejoong wanted him to. Yunho toyed with him too; always holding out hope they’d be together like a carrot. Whether it was a conscious thing or not Yunho was wrong. He failed him too.
So how could he hope to be with Yoochun, who he had failed too. He lied to Yoochun despite him being the one that he said he loved. If that was love then Yunho didn’t want to know how he would hate. Because he smiled in the faces of those 3 as he ripped their hearts out without thinking of a single consequence.
If he were Yoochun would he forgive him? Would he deserve a second chance? Yoochun was right. He lied to his fae despite having been given multiple chances to come clean. Yoochun took a long time to unearth his secret but it wsan’t for a lack of trying. Yunho knew he was wrong that’s why he guarded the secret so much. The only person who believed him was himself. He was fooling no one.
To think, he, good kind-hearted Yunho could be so cruel. Yunho had to laugh at the thought. He definitely wasn’t who anyone thought he was. Was he even sure what he was anymore other than poor, miserable and alone; as he deserved to be.
But Yoochun, deserved none of it. Poor Yoochun.
Finally on the plane on his way to Japan Yunho found himself leaning pitifully against the window, eyes shut in a vain attempt to catch sleep. It was impossible. Though his heart was filled with so many emotions: pain, regret, misery, loss, Yunho’s mind could only think of one person.
Yoochun. He wanted nothing in the world but to have Yoochun happy again even if that meant he had to give up everything he ever wanted: and he knew what he wanted now. Damn sure! Even if there was a tiny piece of his heart that remained unsure the previous day when telling Jaejoong about his decision, there was no room for doubt now. The person Yunho loved with Yoochun and he also knew he would probably have to let him go.
He deserved it.
^^^^^
The apartment was dark when Yunho arrived. If the members were in there was no sign of them being awake. Not a single noise could be heard but when Yunho flipped on the light he could see there were quite a few beer cans around the place. Yunho sighed and turned the light off, leaving it to be cleaned for someone else. He was tired, his heart still felt as it weighed of lead, and he all at once dreaded and looked forward to seeing Micky again.
He made his way through the darkness and pushed open the door to his room, eyes darting hopefully at Micky’s bed only to see it was empty and his spirits did not just deflate, they crashed. Even if he had no words to say, and could no longer justify his actions, just knowing the other was doing well would be enough for him.
Was Micky eating? Did Junsu make him smile enough today? Did he cry?
Yunho closed his eyes against the image of Yoochun’s tear streaked face and when he opened them again took in a sharp breath as a figure on his bed stirred.
“Who-“
“Yunho…”
And Yunho’s blood ran cold at the mere sound of that voice.
“What are you doing in here? This isn’t your room.”
He tried to not betray his feelings in his voice. Jaejoong stood up from the bed and crossed the room, shutting the door Yunho had left open. After doing that the older, yet shorter man draped his arms delicately over Yunho’s shoulders and Yunho’s nose wrinkled.
“You’ve been drinking.”
Jaejoong snorted a bit, “Well, yeah. What else is there to do? Welcome home, baby.”
Yunho sighed and pushed Jaejoong’s arms off of him but the other didn’t seem to mind and just returned to the bed, dropping down onto it.
“What are you doing in here?” Yunho asked again and he could see the way Jaejoong pouted at him from the bed from the moonlight pouring in through the window.
“I was waiting for you, stupid. What else do you think?”
“Well I’m home and I’m safe, you can leave now,” Yunho said.
“Why?” whined Jaejoong. “We could have some fun. I’m here. Yoochun is god knows where and-“
Yoochun. The very mention of that name had Yunho bristle.
“Don’t you DARE mention Micky. What kind of fucking friend are you?”
“You’re one to talk,” Jaejoong replied.
“We’ve been through this. We’re over, Jaejoong. What do I have to do to get it through to you?”
“Why are we over?” Jaejoong asked. “Because you love him? Because he loves you? Because you want to make it work? Yunho wake up. It’s over. You and him are done he doesn’t want anything to do with you after you lied. Don’t you get it?”
Jaejoong stood again and crossed the room, pressing his palms against Yunho’s broad chest.
“You lied… I lied… Don’t you see… we’re made for each other. You and I… are two of a kind. We hurt him. He’ll never forgive us so why don’t we just stop ignoring all these years of whatever the fuck this has been and just….” Jaejoong leaned upward and pressed his lips against the Yunho’s earlobe. “Fuck.”
As if stung, Yunho ripped himself away from Jaejoong so fast that the other went spilling onto the floor, landing hard on his shoulder.
“Ow!” Jaejoong cried out, grabbing his shoulder, and looked up ready to protest but the sight of Yunho in front of him stopped every word that was intending to pour from his mouth.
Yunho stood towered above him, trembling, his nostril flared, and eyes wide with a sort of dazed fury and hurt. Even in the low light of the room one could see that.
“Why are you doing this?” Yunho asked, and every ounce of his pain could be felt in his tone, every single struggle within his being. “Jaejoong, why are you doing this to yourself? Did nothing I say to you yesterday mean anything to you? I love him. I didn’t lie to you when I said that. I love Micky with every fiber of my being, if a man like me can even be allowed to say such things.”
“But he doesn’t want you anymore! You hurt him Yunho!” Jaejoong replied weakly, putting in the last bit of fight he had. “Do you think you deserve him? You don’t deserve it. You’re broken. We’re broken!”
“So what if we are?” Yunho asked. “So what? I’m broken so be it. Even if I can never love again in my life, heck I never got to enjoy the one love I ever had because I was too busy fucking around! I deserve this. Even if he never wants to see me again, even if we never talk except for the sake of the band I’m willing to take it.
I don’t want to keep lying to him anymore, Jaejoong. Even if it means me hurting and him moving on so be it. I’ve caused so much pain I suppose this is what I deserve. If Yoochun doesn’t want me I understand it. I don’t deserve him. I’ve been nothing but cruel.
I smiled in his face. I smiled and laughed and whispered such sweet things to him. You know what pains me? Thinking at what point did he stop believing the words that I said. My words were so hollow. There was nothing there. No amount of “I love you”s will ever take back what I did with you or even what I did to you and Heechul. He deserves better than that.”
“Yunho…” Jaejoong sat up.
“No… Jaejoong listen. I love him and I plan to keep my word this time. I can’t do this with you anymore, not now not ever, not while I still love Yoochun.”
Jaejoong nodded, a faint smile coming to his lips, “I understand… Yoochun!” he called.
Yunho’s eyes widened as a slight clicking sound was heard and he turned his head, shock evident on his features as Yoochun stepped out of the room’s closet.
--to be continued--
Sorry if this was too dramatic for your taste! hahaha 1 more chapter and an epilogue next!
Rating: R... hard R
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Pairings: 2U, yunjae, past!horella
Warnings: language
A/N: Dedicated to Nikki from twitter even though she hates 2U
Summary: Yoochun is dating Yunho but he can't help but be suspicious about his boyfriend's relationship with their fellow bandmate, Jaejoong.
prologue chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4 chapter 5 chapter 6 chapter 7 chapter 8 chapter 9 chapter 10 chapter 11 chapter 12 chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Yunho was tired.
Everything that he had ever done in the past years even before debut had finally caught up to him. When Heechul broke up with him Yunho felt as if his castle of cards had fell: it was annoying, but he could just gather them all together again. This time, even without an official word of breaking up from Yoochun, Yunho felt instead as if the entire floor was removed from under him. He felt something so heavy in his heart, an emotion so raw that it ate at him.
Was it regret? Maybe it would be more apt to call it remorse. He felt remorse for everything he’s ever done and anyone he’d ever mistreated. Heechul was hurting and so was Jaejoong but he never really truly took into account their feelings or sympathized with what they felt. And now that it was he whose heart twisted painfully in his chest all he could do was think about how miserable and wretched he was.
He wanted to beat at himself for all the mistakes he had made but Yunho knew he had no right to. He made others hurt and no matter how much pain he felt right then at that moment what did it compare to that which he had inflicted upon the others. Especially, Yoochun, who he never wanted to hurt in the first place.
Yunho spent his hours in Korea working like a robot, ignoring the throbbing pain in his heart. He couldn’t go around feeling like he was sorry for himself. He knew that. The words Jaejoong shouted to him in the kitchen that morning swirled tauntingly in his mind.
“You’re so selfish! You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You don’t care about Micky and you don’t care about me.”
And Jaejoong was right. If Yunho cared about them how could he do this to them? His words did not match his actions and now Yunho had to pay for it.
Yunho didn’t feel he deserved to be forgiven even if Yoochun would have him. He never properly atoned for his past sins anyway, starting from Heechul and never heeding his warning to not get too close to Jaejoong. And then continuing with Jaejoong and never leading him on the way that he did; because, truly that’s what he did even if he hadn’t realized it.
Heechul had loved him and gave him a chance that at the time wasn’t offered to just anyone. Heechul was a prize; the diamond of the trainees. He was beautiful, but he had a spunk that kept things interested. Many of them were interested in Heechul at the time but it was Yunho who broke through and it was Yunho he gave himself to. He wanted commitment. That’s all he ever wanted, he never asked for anything else, just to know that Yunho’s eyes were only on him. Yunho failed him.
Then there was Jaejoong. Jaejoong was the best friend he needed at the right time, coming into Seoul. It was no exaggeration to call him on some level his other half, but Yunho wasn’t in the position to fill the role in the way Jaejoong wanted him to. Yunho toyed with him too; always holding out hope they’d be together like a carrot. Whether it was a conscious thing or not Yunho was wrong. He failed him too.
So how could he hope to be with Yoochun, who he had failed too. He lied to Yoochun despite him being the one that he said he loved. If that was love then Yunho didn’t want to know how he would hate. Because he smiled in the faces of those 3 as he ripped their hearts out without thinking of a single consequence.
If he were Yoochun would he forgive him? Would he deserve a second chance? Yoochun was right. He lied to his fae despite having been given multiple chances to come clean. Yoochun took a long time to unearth his secret but it wsan’t for a lack of trying. Yunho knew he was wrong that’s why he guarded the secret so much. The only person who believed him was himself. He was fooling no one.
To think, he, good kind-hearted Yunho could be so cruel. Yunho had to laugh at the thought. He definitely wasn’t who anyone thought he was. Was he even sure what he was anymore other than poor, miserable and alone; as he deserved to be.
But Yoochun, deserved none of it. Poor Yoochun.
Finally on the plane on his way to Japan Yunho found himself leaning pitifully against the window, eyes shut in a vain attempt to catch sleep. It was impossible. Though his heart was filled with so many emotions: pain, regret, misery, loss, Yunho’s mind could only think of one person.
Yoochun. He wanted nothing in the world but to have Yoochun happy again even if that meant he had to give up everything he ever wanted: and he knew what he wanted now. Damn sure! Even if there was a tiny piece of his heart that remained unsure the previous day when telling Jaejoong about his decision, there was no room for doubt now. The person Yunho loved with Yoochun and he also knew he would probably have to let him go.
He deserved it.
^^^^^
The apartment was dark when Yunho arrived. If the members were in there was no sign of them being awake. Not a single noise could be heard but when Yunho flipped on the light he could see there were quite a few beer cans around the place. Yunho sighed and turned the light off, leaving it to be cleaned for someone else. He was tired, his heart still felt as it weighed of lead, and he all at once dreaded and looked forward to seeing Micky again.
He made his way through the darkness and pushed open the door to his room, eyes darting hopefully at Micky’s bed only to see it was empty and his spirits did not just deflate, they crashed. Even if he had no words to say, and could no longer justify his actions, just knowing the other was doing well would be enough for him.
Was Micky eating? Did Junsu make him smile enough today? Did he cry?
Yunho closed his eyes against the image of Yoochun’s tear streaked face and when he opened them again took in a sharp breath as a figure on his bed stirred.
“Who-“
“Yunho…”
And Yunho’s blood ran cold at the mere sound of that voice.
“What are you doing in here? This isn’t your room.”
He tried to not betray his feelings in his voice. Jaejoong stood up from the bed and crossed the room, shutting the door Yunho had left open. After doing that the older, yet shorter man draped his arms delicately over Yunho’s shoulders and Yunho’s nose wrinkled.
“You’ve been drinking.”
Jaejoong snorted a bit, “Well, yeah. What else is there to do? Welcome home, baby.”
Yunho sighed and pushed Jaejoong’s arms off of him but the other didn’t seem to mind and just returned to the bed, dropping down onto it.
“What are you doing in here?” Yunho asked again and he could see the way Jaejoong pouted at him from the bed from the moonlight pouring in through the window.
“I was waiting for you, stupid. What else do you think?”
“Well I’m home and I’m safe, you can leave now,” Yunho said.
“Why?” whined Jaejoong. “We could have some fun. I’m here. Yoochun is god knows where and-“
Yoochun. The very mention of that name had Yunho bristle.
“Don’t you DARE mention Micky. What kind of fucking friend are you?”
“You’re one to talk,” Jaejoong replied.
“We’ve been through this. We’re over, Jaejoong. What do I have to do to get it through to you?”
“Why are we over?” Jaejoong asked. “Because you love him? Because he loves you? Because you want to make it work? Yunho wake up. It’s over. You and him are done he doesn’t want anything to do with you after you lied. Don’t you get it?”
Jaejoong stood again and crossed the room, pressing his palms against Yunho’s broad chest.
“You lied… I lied… Don’t you see… we’re made for each other. You and I… are two of a kind. We hurt him. He’ll never forgive us so why don’t we just stop ignoring all these years of whatever the fuck this has been and just….” Jaejoong leaned upward and pressed his lips against the Yunho’s earlobe. “Fuck.”
As if stung, Yunho ripped himself away from Jaejoong so fast that the other went spilling onto the floor, landing hard on his shoulder.
“Ow!” Jaejoong cried out, grabbing his shoulder, and looked up ready to protest but the sight of Yunho in front of him stopped every word that was intending to pour from his mouth.
Yunho stood towered above him, trembling, his nostril flared, and eyes wide with a sort of dazed fury and hurt. Even in the low light of the room one could see that.
“Why are you doing this?” Yunho asked, and every ounce of his pain could be felt in his tone, every single struggle within his being. “Jaejoong, why are you doing this to yourself? Did nothing I say to you yesterday mean anything to you? I love him. I didn’t lie to you when I said that. I love Micky with every fiber of my being, if a man like me can even be allowed to say such things.”
“But he doesn’t want you anymore! You hurt him Yunho!” Jaejoong replied weakly, putting in the last bit of fight he had. “Do you think you deserve him? You don’t deserve it. You’re broken. We’re broken!”
“So what if we are?” Yunho asked. “So what? I’m broken so be it. Even if I can never love again in my life, heck I never got to enjoy the one love I ever had because I was too busy fucking around! I deserve this. Even if he never wants to see me again, even if we never talk except for the sake of the band I’m willing to take it.
I don’t want to keep lying to him anymore, Jaejoong. Even if it means me hurting and him moving on so be it. I’ve caused so much pain I suppose this is what I deserve. If Yoochun doesn’t want me I understand it. I don’t deserve him. I’ve been nothing but cruel.
I smiled in his face. I smiled and laughed and whispered such sweet things to him. You know what pains me? Thinking at what point did he stop believing the words that I said. My words were so hollow. There was nothing there. No amount of “I love you”s will ever take back what I did with you or even what I did to you and Heechul. He deserves better than that.”
“Yunho…” Jaejoong sat up.
“No… Jaejoong listen. I love him and I plan to keep my word this time. I can’t do this with you anymore, not now not ever, not while I still love Yoochun.”
Jaejoong nodded, a faint smile coming to his lips, “I understand… Yoochun!” he called.
Yunho’s eyes widened as a slight clicking sound was heard and he turned his head, shock evident on his features as Yoochun stepped out of the room’s closet.
--to be continued--
Sorry if this was too dramatic for your taste! hahaha 1 more chapter and an epilogue next!