(no subject)
Title: History
Rating: R... hard R
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Pairings: 2U, yunjae, past!horella
Warnings: sex
Summary: Yoochun is dating Yunho but he can't help but be suspicious about his boyfriend's relationship with their fellow bandmate, Jaejoong.
prologue chapter 1 chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15
Chapter 16 - Our Troubles
Yoochun had only walked out of the apartment for a few seconds before Yunho went to chase after him, but he as quick as he rushed towards the door he was pulled back by strong arms hooked under his.
“Let me go!” Yunho growled, looking back and seeing it was the maknae holding him.
“Hyung stop it!” Changmin hissed roughly in his ear.
“I have to get Yoochun. I--
”I'll get him.”
Their manager stepped past Yunho and into the entry way, already shrugging on his coat and slipping his feet into his shoes.
“Based on what I saw you're the last person he needs chasing after him,” the manager said.
“But...”
The manager ignored his protest and slipped out the door. With the manager gone Changmin's hold slackened and the youngest pushed Yunho so that he fell onto the couch.
“What the fuck was that?” Changmin asked.
“Changmin... leave him alone. He's already been through a lot,” Jaejoong cut in for the first time, stepping from the hallway straight into the living room. His voice wavered only slightly, an outstretched hand hoping to placate the obviously fuming maknae.
“No Hyung, this bastard obviously hasn't been through a lot,” Changmin said, teeth clenched. He turned his head to look at Jaejoong. “How could you even side with him!?”
“I'm not taking sides! Yunho and Yoochun both are our friends. I don't feel like I should have to!”
Changmin looked at Jaejoong with such judgmental eyes that Jaejoong couldn't face his stare much longer and he turned away to go into the kitchen.
“Hyung, it isn't true right... you didn't...” Junsu began as well, coming closer and sitting beside Yunho on the couch.
“He did!” Changmin growled out.
“Min!” Jaejoong shouted in warning.
The eldest returned with a cup of water and handed it to Yunho, a comforting hand coming to rest on the leader's shoulder. Yunho's body recoiled from the touch, scooting closer to Junsu and Jaejoong frowned and let the hand drop to his side.
“I don't know why you're bothering to protect him after he did the same thing to you!” Changmin retorted.
“Changmin, please this isn't about that!” Jaejoong gritted out, meeting the maknae's eyes again.
Changmin just huffed and stomped away letting the door to his room slam loudly. Jaejoong sighed and turned back to Junsu and Yunho, only to see Yunho was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. Junsu was rubbing his back.
“Yunho... it's going to be ok. Yoochun loves you.”
“I fucked up,” Yunho's voice sounded broken and hollow. “I really fucked up. Shit...”
“Shhh, it's ok hyung. You'll see,” Junsu comforted, still rubbing Yunho's back and clutching the water Jaejoong had brought over. “Just let him calm down. You know as well as I do how big his heart is.”
“I don't deserve it... this time... I don't deserve it. I really don't deserve him.”
As Jaejoong watched he felt like he wasn't even in the room. Everything was happening around him and nothing was about him. But it was about him. It always was, and he knew that. He knew that part of this was his fault. But what could he do to insert himself into the situation? It was best he didn't for the sake of the band. It would be messy if they knew he was involved, and yet his heart kept screaming for Yunho.
'Look at me! Please... just look at me...'
Jaejoong returned to his and Changmin's shared room, only to see Changmin typing furiously into his cellphone with a dark expression.
“You better not be telling your SuJu friends about this!” Jaejoong accused.
Changmin's head shot up and he threw his phone to the side.
“Why not!? At least they have more sense than to side with that!”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes and storming over snatched the phone from the bed.
“Hey!” protested Changmin.
Jaejoong saw that the recent message was from Kyuhyun and it was merely about their computer game so he threw it back on the bed.
“We don't need them to know about this,” Jaejoong replied, before returning to his bed.
Jaejoong sat down with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair and then his tired eyes. How would he sleep that night? He didn't think it was possible for any of them to. Between Yoochun being out there doing who knows what and Yunho's own fragile state, it was already hard enough. But add that to Jaejoong's own worries and it was a toxic brew.
“Hyung...”
Jaejoong looked up and his eyes met with the other from across the room. Changmin's face was stony, his jaw set in his anger. His eyes held a quiet storm.
“It's not you is it?”
“What do you mean?” Jaejoong asked, doing his best not to break eye contact and give himself away.
“You're not the one that Yunho...that he cheated on Micky hyung with, right?”
“Don't be ridiculous,” Jaejoong said.
“Hyung, you know how it feels, right? I'm sure you probably didn't want us to know since you never told us about it, but the reason you and Yunho didn't work out is...”
Jaejoong shut his eyes to the words, lying back on his mattress and folding an arm over his eyes.
“You're right. I didn't want you all to know about it,” Jaejoong comfirmed.
He felt a dip in the mattress and Changmin's warm fingers pressing and pulling his arm down so their eyes could meet again.
“Hyung, are you all right?”
“I'm fine. I don't think you're the one who should be asking that,” scoffed Jaejoong.
Changmin frowned, “Maybe. But honestly Yunho kind of deserves it.”
Jaejoong sat up slowly, brows furrowed as Changmin continued to speak.
“Because he hurt you back then, right? And Heechul hyung too. But he didn't learn his lesson then, proof of that is right in front of us because he hurt Yoochun too.”
Jaejoong brought hit knees to his chest, watching Changmin as he spoke, thoughts running wild. He didn't know what to say. He was also guilty of the same crime.
“Hyung, Yoochun is a dear person to you, right? Can't you see how he was wronged?”
Jaejoong nodded stiffly, “Yes. But I think you judge Yunho too quickly.”
Changmin scoffed, “You really think that, huh? Well if you won't be angry then I'll carry that anger for you.”
“Changmin...” Jaejoong's voice came out as just a whisper.
“You're still in love with him aren't you?”
Jaejoong looked down and he heard Changmin sigh.
“He's hurt too many people, yourself included. If you would let go you'd see there are better things right in front of you.”
Jaejoong squirmed, nibbling a bit on his bottom lip. What if he didn't want to see anyone else? What if Yunho was enough for him? Yunho wasn't perfect but neither was he. What made Changmin think he deserved any better?
“Yunho is a great man and a great leader,” Jaejoong said, finally looking up again. “Please don't let your grudge cloud your eyes to that--”
“I'm not the one whose eyes are clouded!” Changmin cut in. “You're still in love with him aren't you.”
“Changmin,” Jaejoong warned.
“No, hyung listen. There is absolutely no reason for you to settle for that.”
“It's not settling!” retorted Jaejoong, a bit too angrily, his hand slamming down on his mattress.
Changmin seemed a bit surprised at the out burst and Jaejoong looked away muttering something that may or may not have been an apology.
“It's you isn't it,” Changmin said. “You're the one Yunho's been seeing...”
Changmin looked at Jaejoong with a face mixed with disbelief and hurt. But Jaejoong didn't understand why the maknae would feel hurt about it. It was between him, Yunho and Yoochun. Changmin had nothing to do with it.
“I don't know why you're looking at me like that,” Jaejoong said, turning his head away and crossing his arms. “It has nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me too,” Changmin retorted, voice dripping with emotion. “Because I care about you, hyung!”
Jaejoong scoffed and Changmin continued.
“I care about you hyung . You still love Yunho? Well, don't you love Yoochun too? Because he loves you. He would never do that to you. There are so many people who love you and treat you better than whatever Yunho halfheartedly give you. People who would never ever hurt you...”
Jaejoong looked at Changmin, anger flaring up in his eyes.
“That's a big promise coming from someone like you. How can you guarantee that? Do you think I thought life would end up this way for me? Things happen and you just have to get past it.”
“I can't talk to you like this!” Changmin growled, shooting up from where he sat.
Jaejoong was startled and followed the maknae's form as he headed towards the door.
“Where are you going?” Jaejoong asked.
“I don't know. Does it even matter?” Changmin snapped, before heading out the door and closing it behind him.
Jaejoong stared after it for some time feeling utterly alone. Why couldn't Changmin just listen, he listened last time, right? When Jaejoong had his heart broken over a year ago Changmin was the one by his side. He didn't ask questions or bother with the details. Why couldn't it be the same? But now Changmin was the was the same as Yunho. Both refused to listen. Neither had the patience for him.
“Am I really that difficult, “ he whispered into the nothingness. “Am I really so hard to be with?”
vvvv
True to his thoughts, Jaejoong barely got any sleep that night. Changmin came back in the room later and managed to fall asleep but for Jaejoong it was impossible. At the first hint of daylight he went to start his day, getting ready for the schedules they would still have despite everything.
The first thing he noticed was that Manager was already up in the kitchen talking hurriedly into his cellphone and scribbling things in his notebook and Yunho was picking dejectedly at a piece of toast.
“Is Changmin still sleeping?” their manager asked, and Jaejoong only managed to nod numbly.
“You look like shit. The make up ladies will hate you today,” the manager chuckled. “Didn't sleep?”
“How could I?” Jaejoong replied.
The manager rolled his eyes, “This mess has nothing to do. Don't let your looks suffer because of this idiot.”
He enunciated the insult by pushing Yunho's head, before standing up.
“Well, schedules will go on as usual today. Micky's fine don't worry. He spent the night with a friend and you will go on to Japan this evening as planned.”
Their manager than walked out of the kitchen to continue doing his own things, leaving Jaejoong and Yunho alone in the room. The silence was stifling as Jaejoong walked to the rice cooker and opened it. He had no appetite but he knew he'd have to eat a little or else he'd regret it later. Doing schedules with no sleep and no food in the belly was like experiencing near death. They'd all been there.
He got his bowl of rice and sat down, beginning to eat.
“Micky saw us...,” Yunho said, breaking the silence. “Yesterday, in the practice room.”
Jaejoong said nothing, continuing to shovel rice in his mouth with his chopsticks.
“I tried to explain but he wouldn't listen. He said he'd suspected it for some time, but now he has his proof.”
Jaejoong chewed on the plain rice, holding back the urge to throw up.
“I don't want to lose him. I'm so scared.”
Jaejoong slammed down his chopsticks.
“You're so fucking selfish!” Jaejoong spat, a piece of rice flying out and hitting Yunho's cheek. The other flinched but otherwise didn't move. “You... you don't care about anyone but yourself. You don't care about Micky and you don't care about me. How do you think I feel? 'I'm so scared. What if he leaves me... boohoo'”
“Jaejoong...,” Yunho began. “You knew how I felt from the beginning.”
“Like hell I did! Do you think I would have chased you if you never gave me hope!?”
“What are you saying? You say first I'm selfish then you go and blame me. Well which is it?”
“It's our fault. Both of us. So stop pointing fingers.”
vvvv
When they filed into the van that morning, all 4 members were surprised to see Yoochun already seated in the back of the van.
“Micky!” Junsu exclaimed, jumping into the back of the van and seating himself beside his friend. “Where did you end up staying? I hope you got enough sleep.”
Yunho sighed, seeing the way his boyfriend(?) made it a point to not look at him, instead focusing all of his attention on the animated Junsu beside him. Yunho slipped into the front passenger seat while Changmin and Jaejoong ended up sharing the middle row.
The ride was in mostly silence, but for the quiet murmuring and occasional cackle from the yoosu pair. As much as Yunho didn't want Yoochun to hurt, knowing that he was still able to laugh felt like a knife twisting in his heart. Maybe Jaejoong was right. He was the selfish one. He just wanted everything to himself. He didn't deserve the second chance even if it were offered to him.
-to be continued
AN- sorry if this seems rushed (it kinda is) aaa, maybe I will update in the next two days maybe not. Bigeast fanmeeting on the 30th! so yeah maybe not >< What do you think? The things yo can expect in the next few chapters: yunho brooding and jaechun bonding(?). Also D: at the one-sided jaemin. I feel bad for Chami. he totally got brushed off. Jae didn't even notice his confession
Also I finally made a masterlist and i wrote a HoMin between updating this fic
oh P.S. anyone wanna do fic exchange? I really want kangteuk D;