Cheese
I don't want to alarm my fellow Wisconsonians ( Wiscosinites. Wisconsians? Whatever.), but I feel I must alert you all to the dangerous beauty that is Vermont Cheddar. Sure, it is white in color and flaky in texture, and therefore unnatural and wrong.
But when you bite into it... bliss on tongue and no oily residue to remain on the teeth.
I'm very confused. Verily, it must be a product of the devil, but... but... the sinning tastes so good.
Must I convert to heathenism in order to appreciate this new sensation? Have I turned from the path of righteous cheese and fallen in to the soulless desert that is Cheese from Outside the Cheddar Curtain (minus Velveeta, which, while wholey Outside, is also a member of the Sacred Food Group of College Eatery)?
... I know not, and neither do I understand why the devil seeks to tempt me with Vermont Cheddar. Surely, there are other forms of temptation less sacriligious and more acceptable to my mental template. Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll come to mind. Why, then, does the devil attack the very core of being by offering up Vermont Cheddar? Why?!
But when you bite into it... bliss on tongue and no oily residue to remain on the teeth.
I'm very confused. Verily, it must be a product of the devil, but... but... the sinning tastes so good.
Must I convert to heathenism in order to appreciate this new sensation? Have I turned from the path of righteous cheese and fallen in to the soulless desert that is Cheese from Outside the Cheddar Curtain (minus Velveeta, which, while wholey Outside, is also a member of the Sacred Food Group of College Eatery)?
... I know not, and neither do I understand why the devil seeks to tempt me with Vermont Cheddar. Surely, there are other forms of temptation less sacriligious and more acceptable to my mental template. Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll come to mind. Why, then, does the devil attack the very core of being by offering up Vermont Cheddar? Why?!