Maybe I Can Bang Out Home Runs Now
I've said it before, but my doctor fully believes in better living through chemistry. Over the last few years of seeing him, I never seem to get away without getting some new prescription for something. Over the last year I've been taking two pills, one for cholesterol and one for blood pressure, even though I'm just in the high normal range for both.
He's also got me sticking myself with a little pen that has a diabetes medicine that he has me take more for the supposed weight-loss benefits than trying to actually control my sugars - though it does both! Of course, the CPAP machine was also supposed to help me lose weight.
I was disappointed that when I went into his office and was weighed, the scale showed me at 20 pounds over where I thought I was. I knew I wasn't wearing twenty pound shoes, so I actually had them calibrate the scale. That's when I learned that our gym scale totally lies. Sure, the gym scale is wildly inconsistent, but even the median weight was wrong - and that just made me mad.
Chris nicely says it must be muscle mass. I appreciate that, though I haven't seen it. I think my body is resistant to change.
Still, I thought I had come out of it with only the status quo of paycheck killing drugs until he got the labs back.
For some reason he hinted at something in his questioning phase of the physical, asking if I have been experiencing regular "morning wood." This is where it's nice to have a gay doctor and not feel odd about the question as we've discussed sexual things before, but this question I thought had more to do with blood pressure and sugars than anything else.
Nope, he was checking up on the aging issue. Now with the onset of 40, a whole host of new questions and tests come along. Part of the lab work included a prostate test where I did fine, and a testosterone test. When I called in about the lab results he said I was experiencing a drop in testosterone. He said as you get older the pituitary gland clicks a switch and turns off much of the production of such stuff.
He said I had dropped to about a quarter of a normal level. I'm not sure if that's a normal level for a 40-year-old, or for men in general.
So here it is, the newest drug designed to make sure I have abundant morning wood, I guess. It's called AndroGel, and I think it's what Mark McGwire was on for a few years. Right?
The odd thing is that it is a gel that I have to put on my belly or arms, but not on my chest. Don't these people know I want better pecs?
So there you have it. I'm now on steroids. Maybe finally I'll start seeing some better results from those workouts and be the muscle bear I've always wanted to be, and the total stud I wish I was. Aren't drugs great?
Of course there's a long list of possible side effects, including increased breast growth and discomfort (?), and prostate enlargement. Yikes. Of course it said it can also lead to sleep apnea. I've already gotten that naturally, so I guess I'm OK there.
Needless to say, I am a little worried about this. I was expecting more of a pill solution, and while yeah, I'd like to stay "young and virile", I'm not totally on board with this solution yet. I'll be watching the results very carefully.
What I can't wait for is the 'roid rage. Chris is going to have to make sure he doesn't bring up the man boobs now!
He's also got me sticking myself with a little pen that has a diabetes medicine that he has me take more for the supposed weight-loss benefits than trying to actually control my sugars - though it does both! Of course, the CPAP machine was also supposed to help me lose weight.
I was disappointed that when I went into his office and was weighed, the scale showed me at 20 pounds over where I thought I was. I knew I wasn't wearing twenty pound shoes, so I actually had them calibrate the scale. That's when I learned that our gym scale totally lies. Sure, the gym scale is wildly inconsistent, but even the median weight was wrong - and that just made me mad.
Chris nicely says it must be muscle mass. I appreciate that, though I haven't seen it. I think my body is resistant to change.
Still, I thought I had come out of it with only the status quo of paycheck killing drugs until he got the labs back.
For some reason he hinted at something in his questioning phase of the physical, asking if I have been experiencing regular "morning wood." This is where it's nice to have a gay doctor and not feel odd about the question as we've discussed sexual things before, but this question I thought had more to do with blood pressure and sugars than anything else.
Nope, he was checking up on the aging issue. Now with the onset of 40, a whole host of new questions and tests come along. Part of the lab work included a prostate test where I did fine, and a testosterone test. When I called in about the lab results he said I was experiencing a drop in testosterone. He said as you get older the pituitary gland clicks a switch and turns off much of the production of such stuff.
He said I had dropped to about a quarter of a normal level. I'm not sure if that's a normal level for a 40-year-old, or for men in general.
So here it is, the newest drug designed to make sure I have abundant morning wood, I guess. It's called AndroGel, and I think it's what Mark McGwire was on for a few years. Right?
The odd thing is that it is a gel that I have to put on my belly or arms, but not on my chest. Don't these people know I want better pecs?
So there you have it. I'm now on steroids. Maybe finally I'll start seeing some better results from those workouts and be the muscle bear I've always wanted to be, and the total stud I wish I was. Aren't drugs great?
Of course there's a long list of possible side effects, including increased breast growth and discomfort (?), and prostate enlargement. Yikes. Of course it said it can also lead to sleep apnea. I've already gotten that naturally, so I guess I'm OK there.
Needless to say, I am a little worried about this. I was expecting more of a pill solution, and while yeah, I'd like to stay "young and virile", I'm not totally on board with this solution yet. I'll be watching the results very carefully.
What I can't wait for is the 'roid rage. Chris is going to have to make sure he doesn't bring up the man boobs now!