Kids and the Bible
Hey y'all! Sister gave this to me at church and I thought it was so funny! I am gonna type everything word for word.
Pay special attention tot the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary test, kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. (y'all anything I write is in parentheses or wutever)
1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of Creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree, Noah's wife Joan of Arc. Noah built and ark and the animals came in on pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during th day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people who suffered from unsympathetic genitals. (i decided to put this one on my lj after all, it was just too funny)
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray be jesebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles. (haha, that one is my favorite!!!!)
7. Moses led the Jews into the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandment was when Adam told Eve to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shall not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol. (ok i lied, this one is my favorite!)
12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stay still and he did.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finklestiens, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives abd 700 porcupines. (haha i like this one too!)
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone. (funny funny)
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the twelve decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. (haha)
23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marrige.
25. Christians have only one spouse, this is called monotony.
haha the end guys, hope u liked it cause it took FOREVER to type!
~ES~
Pay special attention tot the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary test, kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. (y'all anything I write is in parentheses or wutever)
1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of Creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree, Noah's wife Joan of Arc. Noah built and ark and the animals came in on pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during th day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people who suffered from unsympathetic genitals. (i decided to put this one on my lj after all, it was just too funny)
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray be jesebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles. (haha, that one is my favorite!!!!)
7. Moses led the Jews into the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandment was when Adam told Eve to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shall not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol. (ok i lied, this one is my favorite!)
12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stay still and he did.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finklestiens, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives abd 700 porcupines. (haha i like this one too!)
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone. (funny funny)
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the twelve decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. (haha)
23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marrige.
25. Christians have only one spouse, this is called monotony.
haha the end guys, hope u liked it cause it took FOREVER to type!
~ES~