this is not a love letter
Happy 35th birthday, Jun.
This is just my personal ramble on how big of a part he is in my life. Please take that as a warning, I guess.
When Matsumoto Jun barged into my life like a storm, (together with his 4 brothers, of course), I didn't know how to feel. Mostly because he made me so happy, he kept me so happy it scared me. Because when you let something makes you happy too much, when the time comes for them to leave, it's going to hurt. And yet, I just enjoyed what I have now; him, his smile, and Arashi. I still feel scared at times, but he makes me happy. And I thought, for now, that's all that matters.
But at that moment, the moment Matsumoto Jun started to make me smile brighter than I have in 2 months, the moment he started to take over my wallpapers, the moment I started telling my friends about why I have been in such a good mood lately, I thought, hey, maybe, for once the odds are in my favor. Finding Matsumoto Jun amidst 7 billion people in this world, it was life-changing. It was something I will never stop being grateful for.
Matsujun turns into Jun, and some occasional Junpon. To me, Matsumoto Jun was a lifeline, an anchor. Something strong and stable I can always hold onto when I'm at the verge of drowning. He was my light even in the darkest tunnel that seemed endless. Matsumoto Jun saved me countless of times, with his smile, with his dumb death match answers, with his words, with him failing at This is MJ. It was a reminder that hey, please hang in there, so you won't miss the next dumb answers he may provide at the next Death Match.
Matsumoto Jun pushed me to be a better version of myself while also, in a way, holding my hand as I try to accept myself for who I am at the same time. He made me a better person. Someone who works harder, someone who appreciates herself better, someone who takes a better care of her friends, someone who tries to be more considerate of the people around her. But at the same time, Matsumoto Jun made me learn how to tell myself that I'm good enough, I'm good enough, over and over even if it feels like a lie.
I learned that Matsumoto Jun is not perfect. He's a beautifully flawed human being, and he's just as human as we all are. But he had made those flaws his strength, he turned his flaws into something that he could live with. And it never failed to remind me to love mine, too. Even if it's hard. Even if I still want them gone.
Matsumoto Jun had a smile that was like the sun. It shone through the darkness of my storm and rain, showering me warmth and light when I was stuck in the darkness, alone with my demons. The way his smile always reached his eyes, and how crinkles would form in the corner of his eyes. They're contagious. His smiles make me smile, seeing him happy makes me happy.
How beautiful is it that someone can make your heart beats so fast when you don't want it to beat at all.
I don't know if I'm even coherent at all. But I do know that I will never be able to be happy and grateful enough that he was born into this world, and that I was able to find him, amidst billions of people in this world. I would never be able to express how grateful and joyed I am that I'm able to live in the same era as him. And words would never be enough for me to say thank you for everything he has ever done to me, even without him knowing it.
Matsumoto Jun saved me, he made me a better person. He's a lifeline, an anchor, an idol I never knew I needed. He's someone who will always hold a special place in my life and heart, no matter what happened. Matsumoto Jun is someone who gave me courage, to wake up every morning, to continue facing anything life is planning to throw at me.
I hope he leads a good year, a good life. I hope he gets the love he deserves, I hope life treats him kind. He's a wonderful person, and he deserves nothing less.
Jun, happy 35th birthday.
As I said, this is not a love letter. I guess, this is a thank you letter. I honestly don't even know where to start.
Jun, thank you for being born. This sounds like such a whatever thing to say on your birthday, but I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much for being born, and for being alive up to this point. My gratitude extends to your mother, of course. I have already forgotten how a life without you was, and I don't think I want to go back. Thank you for being born, truly.
Thank you for being a part of Arashi, thank you for choosing this path and not giving up on Arashi, thank you for loving the members with all your heart, for being the strongest pillar who always hold them up. Thank you for always prioritizing Arashi over anything, thank you for always taking care of them. The concerts you thought of for Arashi, the nights spent watching footages and doing meetings, all the projects you took while thinking of Arashi's future and how you're going to tackle the future, I can never thank you enough for that. Please be happy with them, too, okay?
I consider myself to be lucky to be able to find you. There are 7 billions of people in this world, you know? It's such a big world with so many people, and yet, you were there. A few thousand miles away from me, but sometimes, even seeing you through my screen is enough to help me getting through the day. Since I found you, smiling has become such an easy thing to do. Everyday is just another day I know I will be able to go through. It was all thanks to you.
I love your smile. It brightens up my world, it makes me the happiest. So I hope you will continue to smile too, from now on. I hope you will stumble upon a lot of things that will be able to make you smile, I hope you will have the people you will be able to share your happiness with. Your happiness is contagious, Jun. So please be happy, I hope you will always be happy.
There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to thank you for. But maybe, most of all, I want to thank you for helping me being a better person. You made me a better person. You gave me courage, and in a way, it's like your existence reminded me how to breathe, even when I don't even want to. I can never thank you enough for this. Words wouldn't even do this justice.
I hope you get to eat all kind of delicious food, please eat a ton of anago sushi. I hope you get to spend your day with the people you love the most, I hope you get to have a wonderful day, year, and life. Meet your friends, give them hugs. Drag Arashi to have meals with you. Take a break between work. Spend time with your family. Do anything that will make you happy. Because that's all I wish for; for you to be happy.
I wish I could show you how beautiful you are, how wonderful life is when you're in the world. I wish I could show you why you really deserve to be loved. I wish I could tell you about how you brought me spring, how you made me bloom like flowers, how you are the sunshine in the warmest spring days. I wish I could give you the world.
But you're my world.
Thank you for everything, Jun. Happy birthday.
I love you.