random again
stove - boiling eggs in the afternoon
tuesday morning sunlight doorway reflections
berdella's back porch hdr
kitchen painterly
invisible fan
rossy backseat today
rossy hand
sebby mini car
I have avoided writing anything real lately - it seems easier to post images and stay away from thoughts. Called the vet today about Tenzing and we decided to start him on a med that might reduce the tumor in his bladder. I don't think he is in "pain" yet but he does have discomfort when he pees. I'm not ready to let him go yet. I need to take him in for bloodwork next Tuesday. He hates the vets and is so afraid - goes into a panic attack when he is there but I'm thinking it will be worth it to set him up with the new med if it helps him to feel better. And the usual sad thoughts about mom's decline...
I had breakfast with Nancy kyana today and I talked with her about "doing more" and what to do, and what IS important anymore. It really is getting very difficult to do much jewelry art - though I do feel good when I am actually doing it. I talk more about it than I do it - I plan to do it more than I do it. Taking care of mom has reached a point where it takes a lot more time and I'm just kidding myself to think I can be working in my studio much anymore. I don't have my heart in it either - at least not today - or yesterday or last week, last month, etc... I want to have my heart in it but I don't. When I have to keep my eye on mom constantly while she eats or drinks it is easier to just watch tv - have the boob tube going in the background for a distraction. Mindless tv is best cause I really don't even have to watch it - it's just there. I anticipate negative judgement just by saying I watch tv so much but for me right now it seems right. I came home and did a collage art page just kind of illustrating where my life is right now. That felt good. Expressing it. Accepting it.