sunday
It's beginning - they're coming out now. Third day.
Had a disturbing dream. In the dream my old watercolor teacher who was also my inspiration to start jewelry fabrication back in 1995 had given me a catalog from an art show she was showcased in. It had many of her watercolor paintings in it. I took the catalog home and for some reason I wanted to illustrate to her certain things I really liked in her paintings so I drew on them with a pen. Basically ruined the pictures. I had to give the catalog back the next day and we were meeting in a grocery store that had a restaurant in the backroom. The dream kept replaying the meeting with her and how I was trying to explain to her and apologize for what I had done to her catalog. I wanted to find and buy another one to give her but she said they were all gone and that was the last one. She was very pissed. And I was very sorry. End of dream. This was one of those dreams where you're glad to wake up and get out of it. But I still have this lingering feeling that I could do something so stupid. I am capable of it. Maybe not that in particular but something similar. Overstep my bounds, ruin something that belonged to someone else. I'm trying to figure out what in my present life this dream is referring to but can't come up with anything yet.
Rainy and I walked down to the far end of the lake yesterday afternoon. The mosquitos were awful and I got many bites. Constantly swatting at them. After a while I wanted to just get home again. Then I started to feel weak. I really felt like laying down on the ground or at least find a log to sit on but I couldn't do that because of the mosquitos so I had to keep stumbling back home. I got home and went to bed. It reminded me of the feeling I had when I was shopping at the outlets on Friday morning. Candy and I separated so she could shop for her grandkids and kids and I went off by myself. We were going to meet back at her car at a certain time. I walked and walked and went into store after store but there was nothing like what I wanted to find. I think I was getting some sort of sensory overload and started to feel sick and weak. I do not enjoy shopping in stores. I read somewhere that there are hunter shoppers and browser shoppers. I am a hunter shopper. I want to get in there, bag my purchase and get out. I do not enjoy looking at thing after random thing. I hate yard sales - that is the epitome of the kind of shopping I dislike. I love that the world now has internet shopping - put in your search words and you soon will find your thing. On Friday I finally just decided to give up and get a cup of coffee - maybe that would help energize me. There was a stand selling kettle corn so I got a small bag of that and the nice man directed me to where I could get coffee. I sat out the rest of my shopping time sitting on a bench eating popcorn and drinking coffee. Now I was having a good time. Anyway, it's not that important that I find something new to wear to Johnny and Alison's wedding. I have something in my closet that will work. It's a very small wedding. No glitzy people will be there. No one to impress.
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Hmm.. All the talk of the date 9/11. I just now remembered that 9/10 was the date that mom died in 2012. I had totally forgotten. That was Friday.