saturday
I'm doing an email writing interchange with friends and we each put out a word for us all to write about (if we want). We share our writings with each other within the group. So far the words have been: soul, beauty, books, blossom, blue, sunshine, socializing. I still need to write something on socializing, beauty, books and sunshine and pick out my own next new word to offer up. I think my word will be "change".
Change.
The one thing in life that is constant.
I lament that I have changed.
Grown older,
with less energy,
less productive.
Though I have grown quieter
and that is a good thing.
And I'm possibly less offensive.
I do a lot more dreaming about creating things
than actually creating them.
Some things don't change and I wish they would.
Still a slob.
Still bounce back and forth between high highs
and very low lows.
Still cheap about certain things.
Still a waster of money on other things
like books, art supplies, music, shiny things.
But what I'm thinking lately about change is how to change others.
I know.
We aren't supposed to want to change others.
We're supposed to concentrate on changing ourselves only,
for the good.
But sometimes people are just too much to live comfortably with.
I can't help but wonder if I did "this" then maybe they would do "that".
If I said this, they might think that.
If I act this way then they might change that way.
Even now as I write it I can see my faulty thinking.
Cancel, abort mission.
The main way I have changed in life has been from learning from my mistakes.
Which means I had to make those mistakes.
Did I ever learn anything from getting advice? No.
But I have learned from observing others.
I guess I just need to try being a better model:
quieter,
a better listener,
kinder,
better at managing money,
more steady.
Maybe someone will notice and follow suit.
*****
Anyway.
Raining AGAIN. Cold. I couldn't get warm yesterday. I ended up heating up a rice bag last night and putting it on the back of my neck. That helped. But I woke up cold again this morning. I think I will take a hot shower...
Change.
The one thing in life that is constant.
I lament that I have changed.
Grown older,
with less energy,
less productive.
Though I have grown quieter
and that is a good thing.
And I'm possibly less offensive.
I do a lot more dreaming about creating things
than actually creating them.
Some things don't change and I wish they would.
Still a slob.
Still bounce back and forth between high highs
and very low lows.
Still cheap about certain things.
Still a waster of money on other things
like books, art supplies, music, shiny things.
But what I'm thinking lately about change is how to change others.
I know.
We aren't supposed to want to change others.
We're supposed to concentrate on changing ourselves only,
for the good.
But sometimes people are just too much to live comfortably with.
I can't help but wonder if I did "this" then maybe they would do "that".
If I said this, they might think that.
If I act this way then they might change that way.
Even now as I write it I can see my faulty thinking.
Cancel, abort mission.
The main way I have changed in life has been from learning from my mistakes.
Which means I had to make those mistakes.
Did I ever learn anything from getting advice? No.
But I have learned from observing others.
I guess I just need to try being a better model:
quieter,
a better listener,
kinder,
better at managing money,
more steady.
Maybe someone will notice and follow suit.
*****
Anyway.
Raining AGAIN. Cold. I couldn't get warm yesterday. I ended up heating up a rice bag last night and putting it on the back of my neck. That helped. But I woke up cold again this morning. I think I will take a hot shower...